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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking day off

45 replies

Roopoo · 30/01/2013 07:19

I think IABU infact I think I will get a flaming but just wanted opinions.

I am SAHM to 3yr old and 4mnth old.

I am ill achey, bones hurt headache etc etc feel really rubbish.
I have no one to help out

AIBU to want DH to take day off to help? He says he has no spare leave.So I said take a sick day and it escalated into a row.

Im being unreasonable aren't I?Hmm

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 30/01/2013 07:24

Whether he should take a day's leave is between you two, but encouraging him to abuse the company sick pay scheme, for which he could be sacked, is U I'm afraid.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 30/01/2013 07:24

No you're not. Why can't he take a sick day to look after his sick wife and his children? The last thing you need when you feel so awful is a row.

Hope you manage to get some help today so you can recover.

fairylightsinthesnow · 30/01/2013 07:24

well, it depends, if you are actually ill and really can't face it then no you're not. Your job is the kids, if you are sick, you need a sick day. As you can't just park them in your in tray for tomorrow, someone else has to take care of them. Can he take an unpaid parental leave day if he doesn't want to lie? If you're just having a perfectly understandable "meh" day, get a shower, make a pot, not a cup of tea, plan a day of TV, colouring, and maybe a playdate.

Meglet · 30/01/2013 07:25

Making him take sick leave is dodgy ground. Why doesn't he have any leave left though? (Ie; if he's got days booked off for something silly like golf / stag weekend then IMO he could change that).

Sorry you're feeling crap Sad. Do not leave the sofa more than you have to, put cbeebies on all day.

swallowedAfly · 30/01/2013 07:25

i don't think yabu - i think you're being poorly, knackered and desperate for a bit of help. i dont' know if he's being unreasonable as i don't know his work situation. if you've never asked him to do this before and he has a good sick record then i don't think you're being unreasonable and i think he should take a day off.

also tons of women have to take a day off when their children are sick to look after them.

i'm wondering whether to take a day off because i was in london and ended up doing a 12hr day yesterday and am knackered, am actually part time so with yesterday would be well over my hours if i go in as normal all week and i have no meetings booked. wouldn't dare start an aibu though as i'm aware tons of people do 12 hr days with commutes on a daily basis and would slaughter me for my feebleness Grin

Original poster
Roopoo · 30/01/2013 07:25

I know ...
Dont know why I posted.
Skulking upstairs now as feel stupid as well as unreasonable.

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 30/01/2013 07:26

YABU Yes :)

It's hard being poorly with small children to care for. Let housework slide, get a takeaway for dinner and lie on sofa watching tv with them.

lecce · 30/01/2013 07:26

Depends on his job. I am a teacher and I may be allowed a day at the discretion of the head and whether it would be paid would also be at their discretion. Tbh, it affects so many people that dh would have to be dying for e to even consider asking Grin.

Will he even be allowed it? Will asking have a negative impact on an already rocky relationship with his boss? Is he worried about job security? Is he in the middle of a big project?

If he's the boss YMNBU, if not you probably are!

MortifiedAdams · 30/01/2013 07:26

He has childcare (you) while he works. You are too ill to provide that so he can amd should take parental leave to look after them.

swallowedAfly · 30/01/2013 07:28

ask him what he thinks a working single mum would do if her childminder was ill.

Lonecatwithkitten · 30/01/2013 07:29

He should not take sick leave as this could lead to disciplinary if discover. He can take emergency dependents leave for which he may not be paid.

lecce · 30/01/2013 07:29

Sorry, didn't read it properly. YABU to want him to pull a sickie. You should either just struggle through the day with cebeebies et al, or, if you are too ill for that, he ought to ask for a day's unpaid leave. I would hate to be put in the position of calling in sick when I wasn't.

Pozzled · 30/01/2013 07:29

Yes, I think you are. He shouldn't risk taking a sick day fraudulently- and that's what it would be. If it was a real emergency maybe he could sort something out, but not just because you're feeling rough.

I do have sympathy though, it's crap having to entertain small children when you feel awful.

Pyjama day, throw some cushions on the floor and let the three year old jump around a bit and let off steam. Easiest possible meals, and when the baby sleeps snuggle up and watch a DVD with your older DC.

atacareercrossroads · 30/01/2013 07:31

Yabu, dvds and cbeebies for the kids and some horse strength painkillers for you and muddle through. Dh may need the time off at a later date if you get really ill and he'd be getting a sick day on his record for no reason.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 30/01/2013 07:32

It's not that simple mortified

It is possible for the OP to look after the children. Yes she feels ill, that horrible. But if its at all possible to just stay at home all day, let the DCs watch tv, do indoor stuff, ignore any housework and DH does whatever needs doing when he gets home then surely it's manageable for a day?

If he hasn't got any annual leave left and he doesn't have any unpaid parental leave what is he supposed to do?

RedHelenB · 30/01/2013 07:33

I think YABU, make life easy for yourself 6 & stick a dvd on. Ask him to get home promptlky & retire to bed & leave him to it till tomorrow.

RedHelenB · 30/01/2013 07:34

Oj & take plenty of paracetomol.

lecce · 30/01/2013 07:34

I think it's wrong to compare the OP to a childinder. The relationship you have with your own dc is completely different relationship from the professional one a CM has with her mindees. Dh and I both got an awful bug last year and had to lie in bed with dc crawling on us and Cebeebies on. It was bad but do-able and, of course, not at all do-able for a childminder with her mindees.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 30/01/2013 07:36

YY, he should take emergency dependents' leave or see if he can borrow a day's holiday from next year. Why does he have no leave? DH and I always plan our holidays such that we have 3-4 leftovers for child sickness anyway, plus we are allowed to borrow forward, work
From home, catch up in the evenings etc (though we are lucky here, I know)

EuroShagmore · 30/01/2013 07:36

YABU to expect him to pull a sickie (fraud) but he should be able to take a parental leave day.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 30/01/2013 07:39

Tantrums I thought companies had to allow unpaid dependents' leave?

LadyWidmerpool · 30/01/2013 07:39

He should ask to anticipate leave from next year. And next year he should keep some days in reserve.

Original poster
Roopoo · 30/01/2013 07:39

He's gone to work.
We have Pokemon the movie on
Duvet day it is.

Just feel a bit pathetic for asking him in the first place....

Thanks for confirming my unreasonality (not sure if that is a word)??

OP posts:
Jinsei · 30/01/2013 07:41

Yanbu to want help when you're feeling ill. Yabu to expect him to take a sick day when he isn't ill.

He could take unpaid leave if you're really ill, but I guess you'd have to work out between you whether you're ill enough to warrant the loss of income. If you're not so ill as to be completely unable to care for the kids, then it probably isn't worth losing a day's pay, but if you can't manage, then there's no choice, is there?

maddening · 30/01/2013 07:42

When I was v poorly df did come home - he took it as unpaid parental leave - could he do that?

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