To ask what SAHM,s with kids at school do with their days?

[totallyfrazzled]

I am mainly a SAHM but both my children are now school age. I do work PT, but as I work freelance my work days are erratics so I often find myself being a SAHM for a full week. Despite the fact that I do work, albeit slightly randomly, I find that I cannot give myself credit for the multiple tasks that I perform in anyone day at home....getting the DC's dressed and ready for school, driving them to school, clearing up the breakfast chaos, making the beds, doing the shopping, blah blah blah, preparing the evening meal, collecting the DC's, getting thru the homework, etc etc etc. i seem to be able to fill a whole day with domestic drudgery and still I am treading water, i.e. I am keeping everything at a status quo rather than actually achieving anything. I feel duty bound to keep on with domestic duties whilst not actually in renumerative employ. I feel guilty doing otherwise.Wondering if any one anyone else is in the same boat?

I'm full time sahm at the moment, have justnfinished a masters degree and deciding what to do next. Dh is away working overseas and have no family support so am a bit reluctant to throw myself back into a demanding career-type job... But after a couple of months am getting a bit restless and conscious of the potential cv gap. So am half heartedly looking for the perfect part time role... Need to get my act together!

True. I suppose I get funny about it because I know my friends all think I'm going to be living the life of Riley but they don't see what happens within the family. I guess I'm just trying to make the points that people might look like Sahm but also do all sorts of things behind the family scenes.

Jenai - when my youngest is 12 I'll be 50.

In the job I used to do everyone had this plan to retire at 50. Everyone was stashing money away to make sure it happened. I was one of the oldest women in my office when I was 36. We had a few older people who had taken early retirement but came back to work one day a week as freelance consultants just to keep their hands in.

I very much doubt the situation is the same now.

I won't be going back to work when I'm 50 unless I want or need to.

Angels

Today I prepared one child for school whilst nursing other ( ill with nasty cold) took well child to school with usual paraphanalia whilst persuading dp to stay with patient. Tidied kitchen, stripped 4 beds loaded washing machine, loaded dishwasher, did general house tidy. Waited for nanny/cleaner to arrive so I could go off to do some work. Rush home from job, kiss poorly child, grab the car, rush to collect other dc from school, finish ironing not done by cleaner, Cook supper for dc's, do homework with well dc, put dc's in bath, rush to Tesco's, get home, unload and put away, dose sick child. Tidy up after our supper.
Please tell me how there is any time left over in a typical school day to do anything else??
I have no problem with working full time, in fact I'd like to work more, and I certainly wouldn't miss the cleaning/ironing etc etc. My problem is that I want to take my dc to school, I want to pick them up. I want to help them with their homework, I want to cook them home cooked nutritional meals and I want to bath them and put them to bed myself, especially when dh is away/working late.

Think I have ranted and deviated off subject a bit, but I do find the balance between enjoying being a SAHM and using the time really effectively a tricky one.

I write novels in between doing a bit of housework, blogging, cooking and reading. My husband earns a more than respectable wage but I also live on my more than respectable revenue from my books. I don't intend going back to work ever again - I have Aspergers and found office politics very difficult to deal with so this is a good thing for everyone, I think.

I am a sahm,i home ed my kids but they dd try school for a term last year and i was so bored!and that was with a new baby and 2 at home for half days.It was like groundhog day,i dont know how anyone does it its so boring.(it was for me anyway)

I don't know about passing on role models as a SAHM but my DD doesn't seem to have any issues planning her future career - and anyway, she knows I used to work. On the other hand, my DS has already said he would like to be a SAHD! So maybe I'm a role model for changing times!
I also don't buy the idea that only pre-school/primary kids need SAHMs. Teens also need support - mental and physical, after-school activities which can get quite intensive as they reach a higher level and homework at the critical GCSE stage.

And please - not all SAHMs have cleaners, gym subs and paid off mortgages! Some just give up holidays, house-repairs, clothes, cinema, takeaways, magazines, petrol and all the things my working friends are justifiably able to take for granted. Life takes us all different ways and all are valid!

Feel the need to clarify that the baking I mentioned earlier is for money. Not personal consumption.........!

Part of it for me is that I would feel uncomfortable thinking that DH was carrying 100% of the financial burden for our (big) family. I grew up in a family with a SAHM and a dad who worked long (and stressful) hours with his own business - although then it was unusual not to have a mum at home . My dad had always planned to work hard/retire young but out of the blue he keeled over and died before even getting to middle age .

On the other hand, I know I am in a very lucky position with how easy it is for me to work despite having children - I have relatives nearby who are always happy to take up the slack if my DC are off sick, etc. I also have a very flexible job where I can pretty much work the hours I want to. To be honest if I had a 'regular' job where I had to stick to set times and days with no help with childcare, I wouldn't have lasted five minutes

It's ludicrous to suggest you can't be a strong role model and be a SAHM. Surely, being a strong role model is doing the best at everything you do, leading by example, having strong princies and realizing when you're wrong, to name just a few. It has nothing whatsoever to do with which member of the family vacuums the living room floor

That^^!!!!!!

In answer to the OP - whatever I like :)

Seeker.
I can't tell you how disappointed I am.
I was enjoying the idea of you all ploughing through 100 cakes a day.

I wondered if you were thinking that - I don't think anyone in my family will ever eat a cupcake again!

However, you can imagine me at the moment making a portrait of a horse out of cake.........

I don't feel idle or guilty.
I have a very nice life which I enjoy and I do a great deal.
It's lovely.
I don't have to be busy to justify my existence.

^^ that's a really good post :)

Mmmmmm cake...

A horse out of cake - yum.

Or if it's from Tesco a cake out of horse...

Hahaha at tesco horse cake.
Very quick Valium

Good luck seeker. I could possibly make a cake that looked like horse pooh. Possibly.

Well, I am bankrolled by no man, never have been. I guess I am even worse in that I'm on benefits. I'm paid to care for my daughter, and also to have care myself. I'm on DLA and income support, and I budget very very carefully.

How will I teach my daughter anything? By talking and showing and being I guess. I want to teach her many things, compassion, patience and love are the easy ones to start with, I make sure I try to express it all the time, even when I hurt and feel snappy.

If she wants to follow academia then I will be behind her 100%, making it as easy as I can given our background and know how difficult it can be to access university from the bottom.

If her special needs don't allow for that, then I am still here behind her 100%, teaching her the skills for independent living, like cooking/finances/running a house/budgeting/coping with disability.

She'll find her place in life and I won't push her to do that. If she is happy just being married and in love, and having her own children, then why is that wrong? We can achieve more, but we don't have to if it's not something we want to do. We don't all have to be high achievers simply because we have the ability to. Sometimes life is just more complicated, or we'd really just rather not.

I've been a SAHM for the last 16 years, to 2 children aged 15 and 12 years old.

I love my life. I can do what I like, when I like. Go to the gym, walk the dogs, play sports, visit friends/family, cook, get involved with voluntary work. Very lucky too that I don't have to do the cleaning either!

My DH is happy for me to be at home whilst he works in a job that he loves. We can afford for me to be at home and we have never claimed anything kind of benefit at all.

So in a nutshell I fill my days in doing things that I enjoy. I feel very happy and content.

And it's got to look like a particular horse. Not just any old horse. Maybe I'd be better cloning one from a Tesco fondant fancy.

I do feel I give my children an excellent role model, working as I do in a cutting edge, socially beneficial, challenging area. It's good for them to see that women can really take their place in the working world. Why, only last week I made a pair of Jimmy Choos out of cake, and the week after next, I'm reprising my male stripper triumph of 2009.

If I was to get a f/t job I would only be doing it to shut up other people who have a negative opinion on my situation. Since I have never really cared about what others think of me, I'm happy to carry on what I am doing

Quite!

scatty I honestly don't think that in an ideal world one parent would be at home looking after the kids. I could be; and I am, actually, as the hours I work are within school times - but I chose to work too, because I enjoy doing so. If it were just about the money there are probably plenty of working mums who wouldn't bother (me included), but it's about much more than that.

There is no ideal world - what is ideal is what works for each individual

I think scattybatty makes a good point; if you don't need the money why should you go out to work and possibly take a job away from a young person or someone else who really needs the money?

We had our DS late in life (mid 40s), both had well paid jobs, we have no mortgage, DH is self employed and can manage his own work load so that he rarely has to do more than 3-4 days a week. We live perfectly well on the 'average' salary - (around £30k I believe).

I love using my business skills in various different voluntary jobs, my DS sees me 'working' in the community and I feel I am making a much more positive contribution to society than I ever did working in the fashion world (my previous job) . But again, why should anyone have to 'justify' what they do all day, and those of you who say you can't imagine what SAHMs do all day - how are you going to cope when you retire?