To ask what SAHM,s with kids at school do with their days?

[totallyfrazzled]

I am mainly a SAHM but both my children are now school age. I do work PT, but as I work freelance my work days are erratics so I often find myself being a SAHM for a full week. Despite the fact that I do work, albeit slightly randomly, I find that I cannot give myself credit for the multiple tasks that I perform in anyone day at home....getting the DC's dressed and ready for school, driving them to school, clearing up the breakfast chaos, making the beds, doing the shopping, blah blah blah, preparing the evening meal, collecting the DC's, getting thru the homework, etc etc etc. i seem to be able to fill a whole day with domestic drudgery and still I am treading water, i.e. I am keeping everything at a status quo rather than actually achieving anything. I feel duty bound to keep on with domestic duties whilst not actually in renumerative employ. I feel guilty doing otherwise.Wondering if any one anyone else is in the same boat?

Today I went back to bed (as I needed it, not a regular occurance). Tomorrow I will go shopping.

I do not feel guilty, its hard work in the past that allows me to now be a SAHM.

Greensleeves that sounds grim - bloody god on you for doing your pgce. It seems very tough for teachers at the moment. I hope things improve for you soon.

I have never been a SAHM and think my life would unravel if I didn't have the structure of work. I am a lazy fucker by nature so know I would probably treat it as a doss - sit on the sofa all day. I also tend to misanthropy and low thoughts so think being on my own without interaction of work would be a bad thing. I don't really like working from home for long periods for the same reason.

Certainly believe that a SAHM can be a strong role model for their children - absolutely. SAHMism doesn't mean drudgery or being a sell-out, not at all. Everyone is individual and makes choices to suit their own circumstances and wants.

X-posted Greenie.

I know where you are coming from. The 'should be doing x' is awful - often I think driven into us by our childhoods. Women need to be useful and evidently so or they are lazy.
My mum and dad worked long hours but at the end of the day he sat own while mum was getting school uniforms together or ironing or making him a cup of tea.
I also felt I should be curing DS2. But that's a whole other thread.

It's crap isn't it.

I find this thread so interesting as I don't know any sahm in real life, all my friends work.

I am a SAHM with 2 dds, aged 3 and 5.

It's coming up to two years and...I love it. As a former shift worker, and manager, I am STILL enjoying the freedom of not having to think about work when at home, being rung for advice on days off, having to be away from the kids overnight, certain evenings, and part of most weekends.

I love being able to provide the consistency in dropping them off and picking both dd's up from school, even though it means I'm trotting back and forth several times a day (as one is on half days, and the other is on full days). I love being there every evening, and tucking them in bed, reading bedtime stories. I love that every time one of them falls ill - I can just pick them up and bring them home, without it causing a massive disruption to mine or their Dad's work day. I love being able to have quality family time every weekend where we do actually go out as a family. I love not having the headache of sorting out childcare in school holidays. I love that both dd's seem really happy, are affectionate, doing well at school etc. In short I think being a SAHM to young children is pretty lovely, a great time in my life and I think/hope it will go towards my dds' memories of their childhood as a happy time too.

For that reason - I believe that there is a lot of value in it, and don't feel guilty at all, for not bringing home a wage. The reason why Mums and motherhood, isn't placed in higher esteem and given more financial renumeration isn't my doing, it's society's. Without me smoothing the way, both in terms of cutting out childcare costs, providing consistency and also being the link for playdates, and social activities, ensuring the kids eat healthily, do homework, see friends etc. - everyone else in the family would soon be having a much harder and more miserable time. So no I don't feel like I 'should' be doing more cleaning etc. out of guilt. They are lucky to have me around! I do what can be done in the day, and then I am also 'off-duty' when it comes to housework! Extras can be caught up with on the weekends, with the rest of the family helping out as well.

I'm a SAHM and friends who work outside the home occasionally make remarks about all the things they would do if they were at home ... from which I deduce that no matter how polite they are, they really think I sit on my backside all day! In fact, I do work freelance (which can expand to as much as I have time for) but I never get through the endless housework (how does anyone?!). DH self-employed, works long hours so I do every last thing in the house. There are no shortcuts to food because food intolerances mean everything has to be home-made. But I have no problem in filling the hours from 8 to 4. Doing all the errands and housework in the day then frees me up to focus on the kids when they come home - they couldn't do after school activities if I wasn't there to drive them, I help with homework (OK, sometimes I just nag) and I'm just there to listen. I am also here when they are ill or have the apparently endless flow of inset days/study leave/snow days/medical appointments etc. Like another poster above, I also have a child with SN and that requires a lot of extra support and time. Yes I get lonely and lack adult conversation and sometimes I feel useless when I hear of full-time working mums who seem to do it all, but I know what I am personally capable of and this is it. If I tried to do more, no one would get the best of me, employer or family. Besides, all too soon my children will move on and I reckon I'll have time enough then if anyone will employ me. (Oh, and I've also done a degree and learned a new language - that keeps my brain going.) Want to do some volunteering next!

Sounds like bliss

Would love to go to the gym - at any time actually, not just during the day.

Tomorrow, my eyebrows will be done during my lunch break

I'd love to nap to recharge my batteries.

I'd love to spend time doing housework instead of falling asleep on the sofa, whenever I get the chance to sit down in the evening after coming home from work and sorting DD out.

I'd love to keep my weekends to spend nice time with DD, instead of trying to keep on top of everything that has had to slide during the week.

Would be great

I'm a SAHM to a 17-month-old (well, I freelance two afternoons per week).

When I'm home with my son, I:

Take him to the Met, MoMa or to the Natural History Museum (I'm in Manhattan)
Walk our dogs
Take him to the zoo
Go squirrel and horse-spotting in Central Park
Go to music classes/free readings at the library/soft play/puppet shows
Go for a morning run with son in the jogging stroller
Cook the evening meal/spruce the place a bit/do laundry
Meet my mum friends

I hate being indoors and I'm lucky to have a cleaner two days a week. Three evenings a week I go to the gym, and two evenings I go out with my husband or with friends, thanks to our fantastic student babysitter and a child who's in bed by 7pm. I'm grateful for everything, as I certainly didn't grow up with such a lifestyle.

I don't know any SAHM either.

When I was a stay at home mum (ds in morning nursery) I was terribly bored most of the time he was out the house. I found it didn't take much time to keep the house tidy and clean and ensure the washing was all done, and though I swam most mornings I still couldn't fill my time.

Now I long for the days when I'm not working a 12.5hr shift or a 8-5 with 3/4 hours studying afterwards.

Now they're at school, I do procrastinate about the housework, sort out bigger plans, read HUGE amounts, walk a lot and previously, before they were at school I
a) learned to drive
b) joined a charity and worked for that
c) took a writing course
all the above in the hope of not losing my mind not running a company anymore.
But they are always fed, clean, homeworked, music practised, entertained and read to. Tight ship.

I clearly have got something very wrong, I have just finished work after starting at 7am. I start again in 6 hours. Not sure how DH would react if I said that I was going to become a full time wafter, supported by him.

I had a cleaner when I was a SAHM. It has to be said though, I am very lazy - I do not view this as a character flaw, merely the sensible response to life.

DH loved having me at home. He never had to do much around the house, all childcare issues sorted, all running around done etc.

It was lovely for ALL of us.

It suited us then, then things moved on so it didn't suit us anymore and we changed.

All good.

I do acknowledge that I get a bloody easy ride in life though!

Oh Stopgap your life sounds lovely! I love New York.

I wonder if the posters who don't know any SAHMs are a lot younger than me? I'm almost 43 and in my area most of the mums I know are SAHM.

I was 36 when my first DC came along and the economy was still booming. I had a great well paid job and we had bought our house when prices were still fairly affordable. We had loads of savings and me giving up work was just something we automatically decided would be right for us , especially as we are adopted parents.

If I was 36 now and a new mum I don't think I'd feel confident enough about the economy to give up a well paid job.

But then again I just don't know how I could have done my old job , including the commute into London and got back in time to collect the DC's from a CM or nursery.

I do really admire my WOHM friends. They never get any time to themselves and when the DCs are sick they lose their annual leave. They have all told me that they would give up in a heart beat if finances allowed.

I know loads of SAHMs, even though ds is at secondary school. I often wondered what they got up to, other than baking and pilates but daren't ask, so this is interesting.

I was always quite envious of them (despite having no interest in baking or pilates), but there are a few who are struggling to find jobs now after over a decade out of the workplace - that must be a pretty crap position to be in.

Angels the SAHMs I know all had their DCs in their late 30s/40s and are generally pretty well off with tiny mortgages (having bought at the right time and many years before).

I have a three and five year old. Youngest is only on nursery in the afternoons. Mornings I do quick housework, then work until 11am from home. Feed dd, take her to nursery, grab a quick lunch, study for my degree in the afternoon, pick up kids, do clubs etc, back home for tea, bed , then work again in the evenings. I write for three magazines and it keeps me busy. I love it. I also have some time when I am not writing. I go for walks, take photographs etc.
I could never work 9-5.

I love the freedom of being my own boss!

a lot of you do tasks,jollies,gym paid for by your partner?and bit domestic stuff
what do you tell your daughters about work,ambition.stick in at school and marry well?
because to live a mn housewife life you generally do need a solvent partner

Phew, lucky I don't have any daughters!

If I did I would tell her to make sure she could always stand on her own two feet and to marry someone who makes her life better.

That is what I did.

My lifestyle is not paid for by my DH.
Some women have money. Shockingly. Some women have earnt, invested, done all sorts of things. Some have other responsibilities.
Life is not a cookie cutter existence. In spite of the wish for the dull to make it so.

Today I prepared one child for school whilst nursing other ( ill with nasty cold) took well child to school with usual paraphanalia whilst persuading dp to stay with patient. Tidied kitchen, stripped 4 beds loaded washing machine, loaded dishwasher, did general house tidy. Waited for nanny/cleaner to arrive so I could go off to do some work. Rush home from job, kiss poorly child, grab the car, rush to collect other dc from school, finish ironing not done by cleaner, Cook supper for dc's, do homework with well dc, put dc's in bath, rush to Tesco's, get home, unload and put away, dose sick child. Tidy up after our supper.
Please tell me how there is any time left over in a typical school day to do anything else??
I have no problem with working full time, in fact I'd like to work more, and I certainly wouldn't miss the cleaning/ironing etc etc. My problem is that I want to take my dc to school, I want to pick them up. I want to help them with their homework, I want to cook them home cooked nutritional meals and I want to bath them and put them to bed myself, especially when dh is away/working late.

Think I have ranted and deviated off subject a bit, but I do find the balance between enjoying being a SAHM and using the time really effectively a tricky one.

yes but most housewife depend on partner to maintain the lifestyle.read the thread

Scottishmummy, that is not how I see it.

The money coming in is OUR money, the same way that if I were to work, it would also be OUR money. That is how partnerships work. When DH was out of work, and I was the one earning, I did not consider it just MY money either.

In some set ups, it works well to have one partner out earning, never having to worry about kids of sick, inset days, school holidays, and another partner at home.

The family is a unit, and the money does not just belong to the wage- earner.

Some people, maybe those who are or have been previously been in a relationship where they were not treated as an equal, valued part of the relationship, find this hard to believe. ( not saying that is you, do not know about your personal circumstances).

I would say my partner depends on me, as much as I depend on him!

If one of us pulled out, the whole thing would collapse.