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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think teenage girls are bloody hard work?

32 replies

rhondajean · 29/01/2013 22:34

I have no experience of teenage boys, they may be just as bad but somehow I don't think so.

I am worn out! Dd1 is only just 13 and seems to be stumbling from crisis to crisis. Today was her friends ignoring her and leaving her behind. I remember how it feels, I WAS that girl, AIBU to be knackered and consider swapping dd2 for a dog because I don't think I can go through this for a third time?

OP posts:

curlycat · 29/01/2013 22:54

Oh rhonda i know exactly how you feel. My dd is nearly 13 and everytjing is a crisis or a drama. One look at her face when she vomes home tells me exactly what kind of night we are all on for. Exact same problems so called friend leaving her out for weeks on end then the one night my dd dares to go out without her we've had hell to pay! Doesn't help that friends dm thinks her dd can do no wrong.
All i can say is thank god dc2 is a boy as my friend with a 19 year old dd keeps telling me it doesn't get any better!

manicbmc · 29/01/2013 22:55

Mine is 18 and, no, it doesn't get better.

Original poster

rhondajean · 29/01/2013 22:57

I see why so many women have drink problems.

Of course DH, who has always been a great hands on dad, is utterly lost by this, he disappeared for an hour during yesterday's crisis, hiding in the bedroom.

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SquinkiesRule · 29/01/2013 23:01

No don't tell me this, I have boys who managed to get through teens unscathed, mostly Ds 2 was a bit of a drama queen at times.
Dd is all drama at age 8, I may not survive the teen years without taking up drink (again)

manicbmc · 29/01/2013 23:02

Dd told the older brother of one of her friends that she (the friend) is anorexic and bulimic as she was very worried about her and had tried talking to her but she couldn't see a problem and just wanted to starve herself and be thin.

This was months ago and the brother told the parents and now dd's friend is getting treatment which is great and I applaud her for having the guts to say something but now the shit has hit the fan and this girl has found out it was dd who told.

So dd is personna non grata and has been pretty upset.

VictoriaPlum01 · 29/01/2013 23:02

I have two young DDs. At the moment I sit smugly watching my delightful DDs playing nicely, sitting quietly, entertaining themselves, whilst my friends' DSs tear the house to pieces, strop and tantrum at the drop of a hat, refuse to sit still...I know karma is going to bite me in the bum in 10 year's time...

Original poster

rhondajean · 29/01/2013 23:07

And why are they all so goddamn awful to each other?

I was trying to explain to dd that they are all feeling threatened and that's why they put other girls down but I think I did it really badly...

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curlycat · 29/01/2013 23:12

10 years victoria?? You'll be lucky. This all kicked off in P6 and still going strong in S1! Girls are so so nasty to each other - you never know from one day to the next who's turn it is to be the one left out and when its your dds turn you just want to go and yell at them all but theres no point cos they'll be speaking 2 days later!
My dh and ds do the hiding upstairs thinga well.

curlycat · 29/01/2013 23:17

I try that as well rhonda. I've even gone round to my dds friends house and tried to sort it out by saying that the feeling you get when you get when someone who is meant to be a friend us nasty to you or leaves you out is terrible so why would you want to make someone feel like that but its like hitting youre head if a brick wall.
I never know whats worse - dealing with it all when they fall out or waiting for the next fall out when they are friends!

manicbmc · 29/01/2013 23:20

The thing is, not all girls are like that. I wasn't when I was at school and my dd certainly wasn't a fickle friend either though she has plenty who were and it made her life hell, especially at the end of primary.

She found the solution herself and found new friends who are, mainly, lovely.

HollyBerryBush · 29/01/2013 23:22

I have boys.

I frequently have other teenage boys who I may or may not know that well here, having been slung out, and kipping on my sofa. I deduce from that some teenage boys are equally as bad as some girls for high drama.

Mind you I also seem to have teenage girls in here, full of utter angst and bawling about some boy or another or girl/girl spat. I barely know these creatures either.

I have no idea why, they only ever get a sensible talking to from me, very little sympathy, a ot of empathy though, and dose of tough love.

All in all, the girls have more vocalised drama with weeping, wailing and profaining . The boys just come in and slump, get slung a duvet.

All in all Im glad I don't have girls.

jjuice · 29/01/2013 23:23

God I feel lucky dd is 15. Sport seems to be our answer no time or inclination for much else. That said she has always backed away from bitchy girls.

Manic - your dd did the right thing I hope it sorts in time.

manicbmc · 29/01/2013 23:25

It will, Jjuice. All but the girl in question and the one who opened her mouth and told, are being reasonably supportive of what dd did and think she is brave. But it has broken up the group a bit.

busymummy3 · 29/01/2013 23:30

Teenage Boys definitely harder - have both teenage girl and boy so speaking from experience have no problems at all with 15 year old DD it is one thing after another wiht 14 year old DS

Startail · 29/01/2013 23:33

DD1 got bullied or left out all through primary and Y7.

This used to cause stress.

However, it now means she sticks to her real friends out of school and at 14/15 is making nice friends at school having becomes immune to all varieties of nastiness.

DD2 is her total opposite and makes friends really easily. Most of the time she seems to be the one sorting out the fallings out. She is very good at getting on with different people in different situations.

Yes she and one of her BFs are both very strong willed and can have their moments, but DD2 is pretty philosophical about it and they always sort it out.

apostropheuse · 29/01/2013 23:33

Oh YANBU in the least!

I have three daughters, very close in age, and I am so happy that they are now grown up. Oh yes.

Honestly, my son was no trouble whatsoever as a teenager. My daughters were "challenging" from time to time.

Rest assured this too will pass. Honestly.

Then you will have them in their twenties and you will worry about them anyway, because they will always be your children, regardless of age.

Once they start having children you will still worry about them of course. This worry will now be compounded because you will worry about your grandchildren.

It truly never stops.

FlipFlopFloss · 29/01/2013 23:40

Yes - I am stressed out with my 2 DDs. The 14yo seems so negative at the moment absolutely nothing can muster much enthusiasm for long.

Add in the friendships dramas, spots and periods and I am frazzled.

Mabelface · 30/01/2013 00:10

I have three boys and one daughter. My daughter is one of a set of 13 year old triplets and is much harder work than all my boys put together with her attitude and behaviour.

Original poster

rhondajean · 30/01/2013 10:22

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Dd is a good kid. She's smart and funny, and a very loyal friend. I think she jus takes things more seriously than others, she can also be a bit blunt and Im trying to get her to temper it, but I think her standards for how friends should behave are a bit too high. She doesn't enjoy all the drama and she's a bit of a mini goth/emo, no prancing around in jack and wills for her (thank god) but overall, she doesn't see that a lot of things are flashes in the pan at school.

She's also mouthy, pigheaded etc, but last night she was in tears and really thinking she has NO friends, which I know isn't true.

She's a lot like me, which is why I think it's so bad, it's like reliving my own school years. Sigh.

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AGivenNickname · 30/01/2013 10:25

Oh yes definately, teenage girls are hard work! Everything is a crisis lol and with a lot of over exageration when they don't get their own way. They make brilliant drama queens.

Pilfette · 30/01/2013 10:29

My eldest was just... I don't even have the words when she was 14. She went and lived with her dad, returned a fortnight ago (her DF now very ill) and is now 17. The change is utterly extraordinary. It's like I have my daughter back again, the one I had til she was 14 and then I lost. It's still making me cry, I never thought I'd feel this way about her. In my case, it got better!

Youngest DD is now 14... She's very goth/emo, is problematic in a different way. Has issues with self harm, is in therapy which is helping... My mantra: this too will pass.

IMO, and I know this has probably been done to death, social media and mobile phones means that they never get a break from their friendship group. If I'd been in touch with my friends all the time, we'd have fallen out constantly as well! I turn off all the technology in the house regularly so they have to just stop widing each other up. Obviously I'm the worlds worst mum for doing this but 2 hrs later, they're chilled out - they just don't see the connection!

ninjahamster · 30/01/2013 11:44

Not all. My 14 year old daughter is genuinely lovely, no bother at all. My 13 year old son is much harder work...

malteserzz · 30/01/2013 11:44

Not all teenage girls are like that though, mine is nearly 14 has the same group of friends since she'd started school and they never fall out, they're all lovely laid back girls

hellsbellsmelons · 30/01/2013 11:53

Pilfette - that's made me feel much better.
My DD now lives with her dad and went to him when she was 14 as she was such a nightmare and he is much better with discipline.
She'll be back with me in just under 2 years (I hope) and if it all goes like yours then she'll be lovely to have around.
15 now and great with me but I only have her for short periods of time.
They are IMO very hard work!

Original poster

rhondajean · 30/01/2013 12:00

Pilf you are right about social media and when things are wrought I remove her phone and iPad, my rationale being you don't need to be coping with this at home, let's do something else and give you a break.

She can be stroppy but I'm not complaining she is wild, out of control, doesn't listen to me - it's just the emotional intensity that absolutely wears me out, and like I said, it's beyond her dad.

I do hope those of you with laid back 14 year olds don't still have it all to come...

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