to be pissed off with DH?

[ResolutelyCheeky]

Because if he hasn't it means he is just a selfish, uncaring, hard bastard.

It's the anniversary of my father's death today. I have kept busy all day but now dc in bed I am feeling really sad.

It's apparent dh hasn't remembered even though I mentioned it yesterday. I said "you have forgotten what today is haven't you?" Looks confused, twigs, gives my hand a quick squeeze and goes back to laptop. This is pretty much par for the course and the height of any emotion shown towards me.

All I want is someone to put an arm around me and make me feel cared about.

I know if he is he can't help it but he refuses to find out anyway so I don't get to know whether he can't help it or whether he really doesn't give a flying fuck.

Rant over, feel a bit better.

IMO, YABU. To wish something like that on another individual, especially one you have a DC with is a bit extreme.
TBH, my DH, who is the nicest man in the world can't even remember our wedding anniversary (25 years), my birthday (48 years) or, worst of all, our DDs birthday. She is 11, we have one.
Best wishes to you though.

I can empathise with the loss of your father, but really? You hope your DH has a neurological complaint?

It's a really hard day for you to get through - had one of my own recently. I'm sorry.

DH forgot "the day" a few years ago - and on the one hand yes, it was just a date, a big deal to me but not really to him, it can be forgiven. On the other hand it is actually a fuck of a big deal to me and therefore it should be to him too, because that's how a relationship works. So I do understand your upset. In my case - whatever I said (there were tears), he's never forgotten again. And I think you maybe need to spell out the bleeding obvious here too - don't accept a squeeze of the hand. Let him know how you feel.

Glad to see you are feeling better after your ridiculously rude, offensive and insensitive rant.

Pretty much I guess, obviously not when we were in the first flushes but who knows, he may have acted it out? I am aware that people can do that when they know what they are supposed to do. I used to think it was cultural and that it would be different when we were married.

Don't get me wrong, lovely guy, well liked, does the right thing for his family. Just dead in the emotion side of life.

Feel a bit disloyal now, just wanted to relieve my grief a bit.

Sorry to hear you've had a sad day. Is aspergers a real possibility? Have aspects of his behaviour made you question this before now? X

It would make sense though and I would deal with it. Just hard not knowing. No offense meant. Just emotional. Sorry everyone.

Will report, sorry

Whether he has Aspergers or not doesn't make him any easier for you to live with though does it? It doesn't make it ok either. YANBU... but tell him what you need.

Hi there OP
We don't often edit titles but in this case, as it does break our guidelines.

I'm thinking: AIBU to be pissed off with my DH?
We think that covers it - okay with you?
Thanks

Have you suspected AS before with him Resolute, it's quite an extreme thing to put in a title which makes me wonder if you and he have discussed the possibility in the past.

Has he have any other issues which make you suspect this or is he just a pretty unemotional sort.....he could be that way and NOT have Aspergers too.

Just delete it please hq.

Mrs De Vere I am so sorry about your daughter. Your son sounds like a beautiful boy.

Op I am sorry about your father. I don't think your husband meant to hurt you. I forgot my dp fathers anniversary. He didnt mention it but knows I care. He also forgets about my brothers anniversary. It is early days for you. And I think your anger is grief. Don't confuse the two.

My dc has autism and is amazingly loving and has great compassion for other people.

Why anyone would use the term asd to excuse someone for being an insensitive twat is beyond me.

@MrsDeVere

Don't delete the thread if this is something that you really need to discuss.

Hi there
We have changed the title of this thread.

Please don't think AS = emotionally dead.

In fact empathy is a continuum: I say this as both a person ebinga ssessed for AS, a mother of 3 with ASD and a post grad researching empathy abilities in people with ASD.

The empathy imbalance hypthesis sums up best how I think it works, the idea that there are different types of deficit on a spectrum - my eldest would be the sort with no emotional empathy but plenty of the manipulative, intelligent kind: whereas ds3 and I are of the opposite sort- absolutely no intelligent empathy and ability to play people or the like but problems with being too empathic emotionall: emotional suckers, you could call us. Nots ure about ds4 yet, I suspect same as me.

If your dh is up for it look at the AQ test as an indicator of whether it's worth asking for an assessment, it's neiehr adequately tested nor diagnostic but is well r spected enough certainly at my university to be useful in that way.

I can understand your desperation I think: it's hard to live with a closed off person, it's why I never married my ex and I am pretty sure he is on the spectrum but then I am informed enough to hold that opinion and it was more than any one thing: mathematician, hypersensory, extreme routine based, ate same foods every day, couldn't stand sudden changes... fare more. he was a good man but thank goodness I didn;t amrry him with our genetics! It's complex enough with dh whose family ahs no history of asd (mine does).

I'd suggest relate, you can go alone, and apologies for the many typos I know must be here- just come in froms chool run, rain driopping off hair so glasses unwearable (DH working upstiars so can;t use dryer yet).

I am sorry for the loss of your father, it must be ahrd.