To really want to tell this child off??

[curiousgeorgie]

I go to a large baby & toddler group with my DD (2) and three other friends and toddlers.

About four months ago, my DD was pushed off of the top of the slide by a girl maybe a year older. I just picked her up and consoled her and glanced around but no parent was forthcoming so I just left it.

At the same session my friends 2 year old boy was hit in the face with a train by the same girl, and my other friends daughter was pushed.

That's life obviously and children go through phases.

Except that this is a weekly group and I think my daughter has escaped being shoved, pushed over or hit maybe twice. The same for my friends children.

The third week we had worked out who her mother was and I went over and said 'Im really sorry, but your child just pushed my child over, and it's not the first time.' and she burst into tears! So obviously we left it again.

Several weeks more of this and my friend confronted her again only to be told that kids will be kids and nothing was done or said to the child.

She refuses to tell her no, doesn't watch her (playgroup is made up of three different rooms so not always easy to keep an eye on your child unless you go with them) and is making my DD scared to play.

Today all of us didn't go because it's just becoming ridiculous.

Obviously I can't actually tell this girl off, but I bloody want to!!

WWYD??

I think continuing to allow a child to behave badly is doing the child no favours so address the problem as per these suggestions with impunity.

i agree with feistylass. Bursting into tears implies things are not all well mum sounds like she needs help.

If i tell other people's kids off at playgroup and they are bigger i try to take a positive approach in case I didn't see the whole thing eg (if pushing on a slide) ds is a bit smaller than you can you help him on the slide? (snatched toy) perhaps you could show him how to work that toy, thats great etc. If they hit them a jokey lets not fight, hey we can all be friends with quite a lot of sympathy for ds and then sit and let them know I'm watching.

generally though I also let my kids stand up for themselves ds is no4 and at 16m I know he can fight his corner if bigger kids go for him. I watch him at present as he's taken to throwing things which is dangerous.

This woman only burst into tears the first time she was confronted by OP. Then, "Several weeks more of this and my friend confronted her again only to be told that kids will be kids and nothing was done or said to the child."

It's just as possible that she's the type who uses tears to get her own way.

I have never seen anyone cry at a toddler group except when they have been bereaved, it is still strange behaviour for an adult and the adult is clearly incapable of parenting the child for whatever reason, it's not the kid's fault.

I also would not avoid a group because of the behaviour of one child, far better to be aware of the child and to all police her if her parent is unable to do so. It doesn't need to be naughty step type punishment but guidance if the child isn't getting it. Sadly it's unlikely that the child will end up understanding how to socialise if she's getting no guidance.

Tell her off, somebody's got to. Her mother is doing her no favours by letting her behave like that

Oh and I agree with where I think she thought if she cried nobody would confront her again

So assuming that you all enjoyed this toddler group, you are now not going because of a 3 year old?

As a parent I think it is your responsibility to sort the situation out if you still want to go!

I disagree with most of you except Sara. How old is the child? Very important to know this. My youngest DC is v tall and looks like a 2.5 yr old. She is in fact 1.5 yrs old and people expect a lot from her. You are all presuming knowledge - as in the child knows what to do and willfully disregards it. There is no harm saying a gentle "no" to a child BUT it must be backed up with an example of what to do instead. So "no hitting, ask like this, or touch like this etc. " There are quite a few of you there, all grown up being "forced" out by a very small child. Instead of labeling her as the difficult one help her out a little for goodness sake. And the mother too. Most very young children are simply exploring the world and sometimes they get it wrong.

This little girl is only just learning how to react with other children, couldnt you just say this is how we play and engage her in a game with your dd and her friends.

One of the things I like best about being a Viking is that we don't have to do this moral worrying - it's literally written into the rulebook that, should my DC be misbehaving at an event, any other Viking can tell him off and I am not allowed to get precious about it (not that I would).

Granted, we have to think about things you don't at a normal playgroup (fire trays and sharp weapons, for instance), so it's important that all children learn to respect these things, and other people's property, at a very early age, but overall, it's a great way to raise children - very community-based.

YANBU - complain, complain, complain (to all three parties). Repeat as necessary. Get your friends to do the same. But, yes, also keep an open mind about any deeper issues with the mother.

softlysoftly gosh aren't you clever with your PA striking out

If when my DC were younger they were engaging in petty squabbling and it was equally matched then no I didn't get involved. I can't abide the OTT helicopter parenting that seems so commonplace with PFBs and making a very small child apologise for something they simply don't understand is pointless: a firm no and removal from the situation is sufficient if required although IME by the time parents are involved the situation has moved on.

Despite being left to sort with issues out themselves DC are lovely well behaved kids, both class reps, captains of their respective sports teams, straight A's and seemingly popular, I actually think a more laid back approach has allowed them to thrive.