To be slightly miffed that no one ever asks me anything about myself

[Evangelinadreamer]

I probably am being unreasonable. Don't get me wrong,I don't want to talk about myself all the time,just the odd bit of interest in me or my life wouldn't go amiss.

I have 3 friends in my life, plus my sister, that take an interest in me and ask me how I am or about things that have happened. Anyone else I ever come across just talks about themselves. I am naturally a chatty, friendly person and I ask people about themselves, but it seems if people are asked anything then they see it as a green light to just talk away about themselves. Then the next time I see them, again it's all about them. And then the time after that, and on and on.

I went on a hen weekend a few months ago; 6 of us, one of whom I knew well (the bride) and I made a point of talking to each of the 4 other women that went. Each one was happy to answer any questions I asked about themselves, in fact they were all happy to talk and talk, yet I don't think a single person on that weekend away asked me anything about me. I feel I could almost write a life story for some that went, but I doubt any of them even remember my name.

It's the same with the mums at my DS's nursery; I make small talk with them each time I pick him up, and get along fine with them all, but no one ever asks me anything or seems to remember anything about me. Yesterday DS went to a party and I sat with the other mums for 2 hours and in all that time I don't think again anyone asked me anything at all. All effort in a conversation had to come from me.

Those are just two examples; it happens whenever I go anywhere that I meet people and need to make small talk. If I ever try to talk about myself with people no one ever listens, I just get a 'hmmmm' and then the other person resumes their chatter about themselves. Like I said, I don't want people to ask me questions constantly and certainly don't wish to talk about myself all the time, but it would be nice if occasionally someone would show an interest in me. DH says I need to be more aloof with people and a bit cooler and just not give much to conversations. Where am I going wrong?

Ah, well, timeismoney that'll be the cloak of invisibility you threw over your dog before engaging in conversation, {helpful}.

I know a few people like this and have met several in my life! My FIL can talk for England but it is a one-sided monologue with an occasional 'hmmm' or 'oh' thrown in by me, it has been going on for years so I don't even pretend to listen now . He barely ever asks how we are doing or shows any interest in our lives. It drives me potty.

I was getting a bit miffed with some friends doing the same but I think it may be an attention thing, and I like the idea of being a good listener . I just think it's so rude not to ask the other person you're talking to anything about themselves as part of a conversation - how has this become normal!

that sort of thing infuriates me too timeismoney

I think some people are so self absorbed it's not on their radar that - shock horror - someone else might have children, or might have housework to do, or might be busy.

Medal, your FIL sounds infuriating. Mine is a little like him but not as bad. I think you literally do deserve a medal for putting up with him!

Haha Evangelina, I do get sad sometimes because I feel like FIL doesn't show any care or interest towards his son, never asks so much as "How's your job going?" or "Have you had a good day?"

Is he like it with everyone, Medal?

He is like it with everyone, just very few social skills I think. Sorry to hear your FIL is similar.

YANBU, but it might not all be about self absorption. I love listening to people but sometimes I get a bit flustered in social situations and only realise afterwards that I nervously yammered on at someone

I always feel bad about it afterwards and make mental notes of things to ask them next time.

This is me exactly... except you have 3 friends and a sister. that's four people who listen to you!

I think it is becoming increasingly prevalent. Everyone seems to be talking (FB, Twitter, general internet) and no one's listening.

I also hate it when people eventually ask you a question, and then immediately answer it, e.g. "So, how are the dcs? I'm sure they're doing well." And then they're back to talking about themselves. They will never know if ds has run off with the circus or whether dd has developed a major drugs habit.

I think it might be catching. A friend and I were moaning about this the other day. Lots of people that we know have turned into selfabsorbed idiots. All conversational skills seem to have gone out of the window and they glaze over if they are not talking about themselves or their problems or their kids. They used to be normal and talking to them was a pleasure. It's like a plague. We thought it was because we are over 40 but decided to blame FB.

how are you today OP?

I'm great thanks fromparistoberlin, how are you?

I met someone for the first time at a small social do at the weekend and was staggered when they asked me questions... AND WERE INTERESTED. Reminded me how rarely it happens.

It's always so refreshing when that happens isn't it Hully?

It's bloody staggering!

It is also sometimes like that on here Evangelina I'm not sure that many people actually read my posts at all let alone properly! It is lovely when it becomes a two way or more conversation (without bitching) but it certainly doesn't happen very much!