AIBU to think that excessive watching of tv has a detrimental effect on a toddler's behaviour?

[BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail]

Because I'm about to tell XH that he'd be hard pushed to find a mother of a toddler who would dispute that. Thought I'd better check first

Ignoring the studies (which I happen to agree with anyway),TV used to effect my kids. After watching it they would either behave like an awful gobby Tracy Beaker character or were zapped of any motivation. It's generally rubbish anyway which is why we got rid of the telly in the end and just use Iplayer or stream films direct to the computer for a few hours a week.

My ds is a viual learner and loves things lile horrible histories and other cbbc shows - much more beneficial than harmful imo

Not having a TV! Does that mean that you actually go [whispers] outside?

I completely agree with Noises Off. It is also called the idiot box (not for nothing).

And Joiningthegang - all of the visual/aural/kinaesthetic learner nonsense was discredited quite a while ago. It's utter rubbish so please don't bring your son up pandering to this silly notion that you have got from somewhere.

Holly sorry I don't think that's right actually, we have something here called Baby TV which is definitely aimed at very young kids

I think it's more about consistency. A child who never watches TV might be wound up by an hour of it whereas a kid who watches an hour every day might find it relaxing.

I also think it matters what they watch, surely?

We got DS some old school Sesame Street from the 1970s, compared to the shows of today it's practically in slow motion (he loves them though). I know I sound like an old gimmer but lots of shows today seem engineered to make kids hyper.

Never heard of a "glass teat" or "idiot box" [hmmm]

I watched a lot of tv as a child. I also did a lot of sport. I am certainly not an idiot and I have no problems going to sleep or functioning. I have an incredibly good general knowledge which I owe in part to watching tv.

OP I wonder if perhaps being without her mum for a day might have thrown her a bit, particularly when her mum clearly isn't keen on her visiting her dad? I would think she picks up more from "vibes" from you than she does from watching TV. Toddlers are incredibly perceptive.

Uhm, excuse me, TV is educational, I wouldn't know how to cook crystal meth if it wasn't for Breaking Bad!

If you don't have a tv what do you point all your furniture at....?

DS watches a half hour-3 hrs a day, depending on the day. Some in the morning before we leave at 7.30, so I can get ready for work, some at night while I am cooking. He goes to pre-school for half of every day and has a gym class and playgroups, soft play, swimming, the park etc also. Just like most of us he needs some down time. He has learnt colours, shapes and numbers from Thomas, the concept of siblings from Peppa and huge amounts of vocab. He is 3.5 now but started watching it at around 12-18 months. There is a huge amount of conflicting "professional" advice about this, as with most areas of parenting and I think you should work out what sits well in your own household. As with the vast majority of things, moderation is the key. Even 3 hours out of a 14 hour awake day isn't a vast amount (and he only watches that much on a weekend day IF we have things to do round the house and aren't out somewhere or its pissing down and we've run out of everything else.)

YANBU.

There's studies that say toddlers shouldn't watch TV (don't have link to hand), and older children should also have TV viewing restricted. It probably affects some kids more than others. If they are watching TV, it's better for them to be watching it with an adult.

Although I do sometimes put an episode of a children's show to distract DS if he's being particularly boisterous and I need to get on with making dinner or suchlike.

YABU. I don't think TV is the problem, I think it is the fact that TV is used to replace real world interactions that is the problem.

My DS is 15 months. He wakes at 6 every morning and we have the tv on Milkshake until about 7.30. He doesn't really watch the programmes but loves the theme tunes. Sometimes when he is fractious, I put on some Baby tv (much of which is musical nonsense) and it chills him out.

I don't like him watching too much but I definitely don't think it affects his behaviour. He is active, goes to nursery and soft play, we read to him and talk to him a lot.

OP maybe it affects your child so much because it is an exciting novelty for her. I'm not suggesting for a minute that you get a tv but maybe it is her reaction to a forbidden fruit that is the issue rather than the tv.

Erm am puzzled about that holly as how does the Disney channel get round that no under 5 rule? There is definitely under 5 stuff on there.

And op the issue here is unsettled toddler, tensions between parents and uneasy dad- not tv.

It is an interesting one. I let my 2 yo watch some tv, mainly Something Special and the odd Disney movie. I don't see an issue with some tv in a balanced life.
Having said that I was talking to a friend who has just been on holiday. They don't have a tv at home but they did in their holiday home and she said her kids (5 and 8) behaviour deteriorated over the week and she attributed it to the tv...she could have been wrong but I think the amount of tv needs to be thought about...
YANBU to question how much your Dc has watched but I don't think you'll find the consensus you had hoped for.

OP I wonder if perhaps being without her mum for a day might have thrown her a bit, particularly when her mum clearly isn't keen on her visiting her dad? I would think she picks up more from "vibes" from you than she does from watching TV. Toddlers are incredibly perceptive.

Numerical where on earth have you got this from? Where have I said that DD isn't used to being without me or that I don't like her visiting her dad?

Let me make it clear though: I don't restrict her completely. DD is an early riser (5:00 onwards) so we frequently have a dvd playing in bed while I have a cup of tea in the morning. But she rarely spends long chunks of the day watching stuff and I'm really strict about not watching anything after 5pm because it takes her ages to switch off. It doesn't calm her down, no matter what she's watching, it gets her all worked up.

I know where you're coming from OP - we've always had some TV for the children, but limited the amount, precisely because it had a detrimental affect in them. They were far more tearful, probe to tantrums, and generally more stroppy if they had more than an hour.

DS1 had very bad nightmares as a toddler, and we were specifically advised no TV after 4pm. It did help (one of his main recurring nightmares was about a character from a BBC language DVD).

YABU. I don't think TV is the problem, I think it is the fact that TV is used to replace real world interactions that is the problem.

This.

Some days DS watches no TV, others he will watch a lot (normally when he is ill) and he has picked up lots from the TV. However, watching TV is just another activity in a whole host of other things we do together.

OP because your child had to be brought home to you because she was anxious and upset at 9:30 last night. If she was used to being away and your XH was used to dealing with it why did he bring her back? Can you take her to him if she doesn't settle?

I think you don't like her going there as you have asked a bunch of strangers to back you up so you can go back to him and tell him he should parent the way you want him to? Or have I missed something else?

I don't think it's necessarily the fact that They've watched TV. With my DD (3.5) if she doesn't get out and get some physical exercise she turns into a stroppy teenager. But it can help her wind down at the end of the day. Everything in moderation.

Numerical she is used to being away and has stayed with him before, at Christmas for one night and two weeks ago for two nights. I'm pissed off with him for bringing her back last night because he wouldn't actually do any parenting, just couldn't deal with the fact that she was refusing to go to bed. I've been trying to work out why she was behaving like that and, in my experience, the only time she acts up at bedtime is if she's been watching too much tv.

Asking others' opinions about toddlers and television is by no means an indication of how I feel about my daughter spending time with her father.

YANBU.

In two minds really. How many toddlers actually sit down and watch it unless they are ill or very tired. For us it was background noise whilst my dd pottered around, playing, interacting.

Also depends on what you're watching. That man with the vegetables gently harping on in the background - not really a problem. Bishing and bashing cartoons - maybe?

Personally I found it v hard to go from a busy job to a world of literal silence. We'd go to playgroup - that took up an hour or two. Another 6-8 hours on our own to kill. Ok in the summer - we go to the park with friends. But the winter - we usually had the telly on.

Is it any different to having the radio on? I don't know. Yet that is much more socially acceptable.

I go by my nephew and niece. They had a dr mum. Telly on a lot as a result - she had work to do after she left work. The eldest is calm, well balanced, pursuing a good career. The youngest - still at school but doing well.

Haven't really noticed a difference in the days we go to the park all day and the days we sit in with the telly on. Maybe it depends on what you're watching.

I didnt notice it having much of an effect on mine, other than they weren't drawing on the walls and had a couple of cute songs they sang (badly)
But a couple of hours of relative peace a day in which to have a cuppa and cook dinner did wonders for my own mental health!

Sorry I'm with Numerical.

That doesn't mean I think you are wrong to limit screentime. You obviously know that your DD does not respond well to too much screentime. Fair enough. You know her best. My own DD is similar so I can imagine what you describe. The developmental studies are irrelevant to you since they study children with lots of daily exposure to TV and you already said you don't have one. A day or two with her Dad where she watches more TV than usual won't leave her emotionally stunted.

But why do you feel it would be easier to convince your ex of your DD's needs if lots of children or even all children had the same needs? Even if she was unique in responding badly to TV it would still be true wouldn't it? If she had a unique cucumber allergy he'd have to agree with you not to give her cucumber. But it would be wrong to say no toddler should eat cucumber.

I say this because it sounds like you are really trying to convince your ex he made a bad parenting call because this is not what most parents do. Looking around I think you are wrong about that. A lot of parents allow a lot of toddlers to watch a lot of TV and most of them behave well (for toddlers!), settle off to sleep fine and don't have nightmares. It is a different parenting call to the one you have made. But not an objectively bad one by any means.

But it is a subjectively bad call for your DD. So the real issue is how you and he communicate about her specific needs, not whether TVs are bad for toddlers.