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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy my son a valentine card so that he definitely gets one?

100 replies

Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 21:48

Can't decide if it is a good idea or not. On the one hand I want him to feel good about himself and popular (and know he would be happy to receive one and to be sble to say he got one when his friends were discussing it) but on the other hand I know it's a lie and he would be devastated if he found out so I would
tell no one, not even my partner (his dad).

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/01/2013 22:04

My DS is 13yo and has never mentioned Valentines Day.
I think he'd be Blush to get a card from anyone.
Mortified if he got one from me

MrsAFlowerpot · 25/01/2013 22:06

No no no no no

Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:07

They are all at an age that they are starting to be aware of who fancies who and recently all had partners for their school dance. Think will just never mention valentines day and hope it goes unnoticed Grin

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 25/01/2013 22:11

I have always sent the DC a valentines card.

Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:14

Married but do they know it's from you? I'd be doing it so that he thought it was from a girl in his class Blush

OP posts:
giveitago · 25/01/2013 22:15

Ow I'm in middle age - my dps always got me valentines. They were the only ones I recieved back then (normal girl and went to an all girl's school). Not remotely creepy at all.

My ds is sending my dmother one this year. He's 6.Again, not remotely creepy at all.

Unless you're a creep yourself and of course then you'd find it creepy.

Annunziata · 25/01/2013 22:15

Noooo don't send it from 'a girl'! I sign mine from mamma.

2rebecca · 25/01/2013 22:18

No. Kids soon learn that hardly anyone gets valentines cards when you are at school. If I had got a mystery one and later discovered it was from my parents I would have been really disappointed, and quite embarrassed that they thought me so ugly and desperate that they had to buy me a card to make me happy because they knew no-one else would and thought I couldn't cope if I didn't get one.

Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:18

I'm not a creep Grin. Would just have signed it 'guess who' or something written with my left hand!

OP posts:
Mutt · 25/01/2013 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhite · 25/01/2013 22:20

Well I don't sign it from mummy but of course they know it's from me and although I pretend it's not they know it is; but they have had a card since before they were old enough to open it.

CecyHall · 25/01/2013 22:20

My mum sent me one once from a mystery person as she knew I wouldn't get one, I know she meant well but I felt a bazillion times worse that I was so unloved even my mum had reached the depths of pitying me.

Not that I was overly dramatic as a youngster though!

CecyHall · 25/01/2013 22:20

Cross post with rebecca, that's exactly how I felt

Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:21

Rebecca but he will never find out. I will swear myself to secrecy, hide all evidence etc and no one will ever know Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:23

Married your system sounds cute - a bit like the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. No one really believes it but it's fun!

OP posts:
Andthentherewere5 · 25/01/2013 22:24

Well my Dad used to do it for me! I went to an all girls boarding school and Valentines was a bit of a nightmare. I didnt know any boys I wasnt related to so cards were never going to arrive! One year I mentioned in passing how it was not a great day at school and lo and behold the next year I had one sent from some island off the scottish coast, the next year was from the channel island and so it continued! It just kept the complete bitches I was unfortunate enough to spend 6 years with, off my back!
My Dad wasnt very openly affectionate, although I knew I was loved IYSWIM, and it is one of the small things he did that still make me smile now he isnt here.

Mutt · 25/01/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 25/01/2013 22:25

There'll be enough time for him to buy into the commercial crap when he's ready to.

Really you don't need to encourage it even if he never found out.

Anyway, don't kids send them to themselves anymore and pretend to their mates it was from an admirer?

Kids have no imagination anymore.

GingersarealwaysToms · 25/01/2013 22:25

[bgrin] 2rebecca. Nospring you just don't know. Stuff like this has a funny way of coming back to bite you on the arse. He's so young, he's got all the time in the world to have a fan club. Listen to what people are saying, please.

Zappo · 25/01/2013 22:29

My mum always sent me one when I was younger. I think I always guessed it was her.

But Valentine cards can backfire (think Farmer Boldwood in Far from the Madding Crowd)

OddBoots · 25/01/2013 22:29

Different families have different traditions, if Valentines is a big deal for your household and you don't think it would upset him then send one. In this house it's regarded as commercial nonsense so even dh and I don't bother with cards.

Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:29

Wires that made me laugh!

I am listening - I'm not going to do it! Honest!

I have taken on board all the opinions and the majority are saying Nooo don't do it so I won't.

My first foray into AIBU has been very positive Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 22:30

Oops meant to be Worra

OP posts:
nametakenagain · 25/01/2013 22:32

I sent a card to a friend when we were 18 because he'd never had a gf and was very sad about the fact. He was so excited to get the card and keen to figure out who sent it, that I worried that I shouldn't have done it. He believed it was genuine. And he talked about it at intervals for years.

We lost touch and I havent seen him for 15 years but I have never told any of our friends that I sent it. To this day I hope it makes him smile to remember. I didn't do it to have a giggle, I did it to make him happy. I'd like to think it did.

ZZZenAgain · 25/01/2013 22:35

I find it a strange idea for dp to send their dc valentine cards. It is about romantic love so not appropriate IMO but if you want to do it, do it. It is OK to create your own family traditions but I wouldn't pretend it is from someone else

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