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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy my son a valentine card so that he definitely gets one?

100 replies

Nospringflower · 25/01/2013 21:48

Can't decide if it is a good idea or not. On the one hand I want him to feel good about himself and popular (and know he would be happy to receive one and to be sble to say he got one when his friends were discussing it) but on the other hand I know it's a lie and he would be devastated if he found out so I would
tell no one, not even my partner (his dad).

OP posts:

larks35 · 25/01/2013 22:36

No don't, it might freak him out if he doesn't know who sent it and maybe really piss him off if he finds out it was you. Why would an 11 yo boy worry about getting a valentine's card?

MaryPoppinsBag · 25/01/2013 22:41

AndThenThereWere5
That's lovely

I don't think I received a card until I got together with my first serious boyfriend in sixth form. I went on to marry him - so all good things come to those who wait.

LadyBeagleEyes · 25/01/2013 22:43

I very much doubt there will be many boys getting Valentine cards at school, especially at 11, he'll certainly not be only one who doesn't get one.

usualsuspect · 25/01/2013 22:43

He's 11

usualsuspect · 25/01/2013 22:45

When my DS was 11 ,all he cared about was playing football and playing on his PlayStation.

thegreylady · 25/01/2013 22:49

I got one from my mum/dad signed ? every year. I sent them to my dc too. It isn't creepy at all. It gives them something to show their friends and giggle/wonder about. I stopped when they received the first one from someone else. Do it :-)

giveitago · 25/01/2013 23:11

Andthen. just like my dad and my mum. not wierd but nice. I;m not remotely interested as ever in valentine day but reminded me that I'll send ds one. He'll love it. And it won't do him any harm at all. He will love it. He's sending one to his best friend. He ( best friend) will love it also.

Lindsay321 · 26/01/2013 00:18

Don't send him one. He's 11 and won't care less but I don't think it's creepy.

I used to make my mum a valentines day card every year as it was explained to me that the day was about telling the one you loved the most how you felt. I interpreted that as giving a card to my mum.

She kept all the cards I gave her (until I was about 10 I think). She never got one from dad so it made her happy. When I got pocket money I'd buy her a chocolate heart or similar too. She never ate them, just put them with her other "special things".

I loved my mum.

Dreamerstate · 26/01/2013 00:44

My mum did this for me three years in a row when I was in my teens because she wanted me to feel good about myself - she got one of her friends to sign them so I didn't recognise the writing.

The result wasn't so much that I felt flattered and had an ego boost, but that it did my nut in trying to work out who on earth had liked me anonymously, but hadn't dared to come forward.

For years I played detective, trying to work out who it was - I lost count of the conversations I had with my mum about it!

I think I must have been at least 30 when she told me the truth - I couldn't believe she'd kept it a secret from me for so long!!!!

Honestly at 11, I don't think your son wouldn't mind not receiving a valentine's card. At 16/17 when I received those cards, all that mattered to me was WHO was behind them, not that I received them in the first place and as sweet as I think it was of my mum to send the and in retrospect funny, it probably wasn't the best idea!

ihearsounds · 26/01/2013 01:08

Yes do it. Also include a chocolate heart. In years to come you will do him a favour and he will realise what a sham Valentines is and will not buy into the corporate bs and line the pockets further of florists and card companies.
I thank my relative for sending me the card, and chocolate heart. I realised I don't want the one forced day of a card from my partner to show how much he cares, I want him to do things randomly throughout the year.

TapirBackRider · 26/01/2013 02:20

I've done this for my ds for a couple of years now. His older sister had received a card and he was upset and quite sad that nobody wanted to send him a card too.

I send him a card, written by a co-worker and it makes him very happy.

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/01/2013 03:52

They sell special kiddie valentines over here - and even ones to the dog and cat or from the dog and cat! Messed up country :-)

Katienana · 26/01/2013 04:40

Is he going to send a card himself? I wouldn't do it you could embarrass him if he thinks it is from a girl in his class.

scratchandsniff · 26/01/2013 04:46

At his age I don't think he will be the only one to not get a card. However, I don't feel that It's creepy if you do decide to do it.

Lavenderhoney · 26/01/2013 05:00

Do 11 year olds need a card? I wouldnt want to start my dc off on a life of commercial slavery:) or spending on gf/bf just because.... Pressure pressure...

If you must, write from mum in it. Hes a bit young to stress or care about this surely? And surely hallmark etc have missed a trick and should be producing them for family members to give? Yuck- I would not like that!

Glittertwins · 26/01/2013 05:20

I wouldn't do it, I think it's odd. I think my FIL is more odd though - they were away on time, and we were instructed to buy Valentine cards for SIL and her daughter. SIL would have been early 30s (and married) and niece would have been abou 3 or 4. Now that is weird.

MrsDoomsPatterson · 26/01/2013 06:26

Well, at eleven I'm guessing he couldn't give less of a shit about whether he gets a card or not!

LayMizzRarb · 26/01/2013 14:08

I think it's sad that you think your son is either not very popular, or unattractive to his peers. You have decided that no one will send him a card?
How do you know there is not a young girl in his class who gazes adoring at him?

onetiredmummy · 26/01/2013 14:14

My mum & dad always sent one to me, but then I went to a girls' school & it was a Big Deal & if you didn't have one to show on the day then yes, you were somehow inferior & not as attractive. So I knew it was from them but was glad to be able to take one in & pretend, in order to be accepted by the popular group.

jamdonut · 26/01/2013 14:18

I wouldn't do it. Not everyone gets cards,it is a fact of life. If he gets a genuine one,then he will want to find out who it is from. If it is too secretive,maybe he would be suspicious, and a little upset that maybe somone was winding him up?

My youngest son hasn't ever had any cards (he's nearly 13) and I don't suppose this year will be any different. He really couldn't care less. Though I'm sure he would be secretly flattered if he did get a genuine one.

redexpat · 26/01/2013 14:21

I always got something from my mum or dad. Usually mum would go out the backdoor, round to the front, ring the doorbell leave present on the step and run back in, acting calmly as though nothing had happened...

I didn't realise we were in such a minority! The things you learn on MN...

katykuns · 26/01/2013 14:39

I thought at 11, it was a real age of being interested in girls... I remember that age and the feeling of inadequacy when I didn't get a card. I never got one throughout my school years. I now truly don't care, and DP and I don't 'celebrate' it, but I can remember feeling very low that I never got one.

I would only do it if you can be sure he wouldn't know it was from you. I don't really see why it would be creepy, afterall its not really about romantic feelings towards your child, its about making them feel included.

MrsDoomsPatterson · 26/01/2013 15:01

I've found that, sadly, (and this is a wild generalisation!) many girls (not all) are far less backwards in coming forwards if they like a boy nowadays. I think sending cards is a thing of the past.

Pandemoniaa · 26/01/2013 15:03

He's 11? No way. It's a seriously bad idea for a whole conference worth of reasons.

diddl · 26/01/2013 15:14

I wouldn´t.

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