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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I don't actually HAVE to leap to answer my phone if I don't want to?

97 replies

HecateWhoopass · 25/01/2013 17:05

Because my husband is driving me up the bloody WALL with it.

I don't have to stop whatever I am doing and find my phone if it bleeps. It's a text. I can read it in a bit.

If I am busy and the phone goes, the person will leave a message. Or I'll check the number and if I recognise it - I'll call them back.

So why oh why does my husband leap up and pass me my bag as though the damned thing will explode if a text is not answered at once?

It's not a royal bloody command. I can get it in 5 minutes, for crying out loud.

Pavlov's ruddy dogs. That's what it is. Drives me potty.

OP posts:
BerthaTheBogCleaner · 25/01/2013 17:37

Dh will get up and answer the phone when we are in the middle of dinner, or when we have guests. And then he'll tell them he can't talk because he's busy. Not sure what the thinks the answermachine is for.

MIL, OTOH, will phone, and then when we answer she'll say in a slightly disappointed voice, "oh I didn't really want to talk, I was just going to leave a message". I should teach her about text messages!

I have the phone set to do different rings for different numbers so I know to run for the phone if it is school and to ignore it if it is MIL, who probably doesn't want to actually talk to me anyway.

SillyBlueHat · 25/01/2013 17:42

MIL drives me mad with phonecalls and texts, expecting an answer straight away. I swear she watches her phone all day waiting for contact. If I don't answer my phone she'll call DH and vice versa, then she will text us both to say she can't get hold of either of us. Grrrr.

Pilfette · 25/01/2013 17:52

I saw a great Stephen Fry bit where he said he feels like phones are the equivalent of someone walking up to you, banging their fists repeatedly on the table in front of you whilst saying (loudly) "talk to me, talk to me, talk to me..." and that's why voicemail is a great invention!

Original poster
HecateWhoopass · 25/01/2013 17:57

I am torn between quirky's suggestion of giving him biscuits and moving in with amazingmum! Grin

OP posts:
angrytree · 25/01/2013 18:15

My MIL's hobby is talking on the phone, and she can't not answer the house phone - she'll even get out of the shower to get it. Despite this, she never knows where her mobile is, and every single time it rings she spends ten minutes looking for it because she can't remember which pocket of her capacious handbag she's put it in... sigh

amazingmumof6 · 25/01/2013 18:17

pilfette I saw this too on QI

amazingmumof6 · 25/01/2013 18:19

hecate as before you are welcome! with 6 kids it's mayhem, you wouldn't even hear your phone!Grin

Tee2072 · 25/01/2013 18:21

I hate the phone and only answer it if I feel like it or if I know the number.

My husband is, thank god, the same way.

My mother, on the other hand, cannot leave a phone alone. We'll be on Skype (US to UK) and her phone will ring and she'll answer it. "Oh, can't talk now, on Skype with Tee." Just don't answer the damn thing!

whateveritakes · 25/01/2013 18:21

Although I am now finding the answerphone too intrusive.

I dropped my son off at a friends for sleepover and the other mum and myself went for a spontaneous drink in the local village pub. I got back at 11.30 to find a message from my brother (brother wanted me to babysit the following night) and from my mother wanting to know why I hadn't answered the phone to my brother.
I walked round to pick up my son next morning at 9.00.
By 9.30am I had two more messages from my mother both asking me to ring her, one where she had rung but not left any message, one from my friend with just "ring me" as the message (she's a bit dramatic) and one from my other friend saying he was worried as no one could contact me.
Seriously?!

WorkingMummyof1 · 25/01/2013 18:21

hectate - sorry - but that sounds so sweet hehehe "leap up and pass me my bag"! (ducks).

i ignore phone if busy and open letters when have time - dh has to rip open the envelope as soon as he sees it, however ignores phone "if he doesnt feel like talking" even though it is right next to him! grr!

fluffyraggies · 25/01/2013 18:22

nickelbabe

the telephone ringing is an invitation to you to answer the call.
it's not a demand.

Pleeeeeease come and explain this to my mother :)

WorkingMummyof1 · 25/01/2013 18:22

whateveritakes - hehehehe!!! that is so funny (and sweet - ducks again).

Spero · 25/01/2013 18:26

I never answer the phone because it never rings at a time convenient to me. So when I do have time, I check for messages and phone people back. I don't understand people who rush to answer or think it is rude not to answer. If it is important, leave a message.

HazeltheMcWitch · 25/01/2013 18:28

I've got an app especially for making groups of people from my contacts, who then get sent to voicemail. Well, I can switch their banishment on and off. But it's usually on. I love it.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 25/01/2013 18:31

YA so NBU.

My DH is exactly the same.

And his mother calls at 7pm every Sunday, despite every week being told "I'll ring you back - we're about to eat". But he still leaps to answer it.

Tee2072 · 25/01/2013 19:03

Oh hazel what app for what phone?

44SoStartingOver · 25/01/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HazeltheMcWitch · 25/01/2013 19:08

Tee - it's MuzzlePhone for Android. It's a bit cheesy (it's COWBOY themed!), but does the job...

Tee2072 · 25/01/2013 19:17

Darn, I have an iPhone...will see if they have it.

Thanks Hazel.

JohnSnowsTie · 25/01/2013 20:09

The only people who ever phone me are the ones who expect me to drop everything and accommodate a visit from them NOW... and when I don't answer leave passive-aggressive voicemail complaints about my not being at their beck and call.

LexiLoganberryBump · 25/01/2013 20:35

^the telephone ringing is a invitation to you to answer the call
it's not a demand.

What a great way of putting it.

I don't always answer the phone, I screen calls and if it's not convenient or frankly I just don't want to speak to the caller then I just ignore it. My mum will ring repeatly and when I eventually answer will say "oh I assumed it was because the number was coming up as withheld" well unlock your bloody number then, they choose to withhold the number.

My PIL rings and when they get me or I call them back they expect a explaination about why I didn't get the phone, was I out, where was I, why didn't I answer. I want to tell them to fuck off it's none of there business but I never do.

nickelbabe · 25/01/2013 21:10

but ?44? it wasn't urgent - they had died. they had eternity! you shouldn't feel guilty

GrimmaTheNome · 25/01/2013 21:22

A much-respected colleague of mine had a saying 'a phone has no constitutional right to be answered' (he was american) - he'd grasped what too many don't, that if you're in a face-to-face meeting the phone takes lower priority than the person who's there.

dh and I both work frm home - there's times when we cheerfully ignore the phones and the door (even though it must be obvious we're in, two cars on the drive and dog barking so we're clearly not walking).

My favourite form of communication is email. It waits till I'm ready to look at it.

PretzelTime · 25/01/2013 21:34

I like this thread!
I know a lot of people who get really offended if you don't answer calls and text messages immediately. They think you have died or that you hate them if there is some time before you answer.

IneedAsockamnesty · 25/01/2013 21:39

I have a person in my life who if I don't answer the phone to, will just ring and ring over and over and over in one day I once had 194 missed calls from them.

And no it was not an emergency.

I have decided if they do t again I will just block there number