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Original poster

To be so upset at what me DS age 6 said to me...

42 replies

peterpie · 24/01/2013 22:19

I have Rosacea and am extremely self-conscious about it.

I realise it´s only natural that my DS (just turned 6) has started to notice differences in people´s skin tone etc

Earlier this evening he asked my why my face had to be so red Blush

I am mortified and haven´t stopped thinking about it since. I know it´s only a matter of time until his school friends start to say something along the lines of Oh you with the Mummy with the red face...

DS is a lovely, sweet-natured boy, I suppose he was just genuinely curious.

I am so upset Sad

OP posts:
CoolaSchmoola · 24/01/2013 22:22

Feel for you - obviously he meant nothing malicious by it and it's just natural child's curiousity, but it does still smart when they ask questions in their wholly innocent yet 'hammer the nail through the heart unintentionally' way.

SolidSnake · 24/01/2013 22:24

I'm sorry OP Sad Maybe it's a good way to initiate a chat about how some people are different but that's okay etc?

SirBoobAlot · 24/01/2013 22:25

Not the same, but I am disabled. My son is three, and has started asking more and more question. It upset me at first, but now I look at it as an opportunity to educate him, and also any other child that asks.

Really, don't let it get to you. Be proud that he is observant, and confident enough to ask you. Do know it's upsetting. Try and find the positive in it.

MadStaringEyes · 24/01/2013 22:28

Really sorry op Sad

A mother at ds's preschool has one arm, her son asks her about it daily, and she always has a crowd of children around her asking questions. She just shrugges them off with a smile, and a.little 'well we're all differant, aren't we? Why is your hair blond, and his brown? That's just the way we are.'

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/01/2013 22:32

It could be that he's seen someone with a red face on tv show or in a book, and on children's things, red faced people have usually been running, or jumping, or are "Rosy Cheeked" for a specific reason iykwim, and he was wondering if you had one of those reasons - he might have been thinking you've been doing whatever someone in one of his favourite shows was doing, and wondering how come he hadn't seen you.
He won't have meant anything hurtful by it at all, he just has no concept of tact yet, it wouldn't even occur to him I bet. Children just "blurt" - I get them sometimes "why do you have that stick?" or "what's that?" (pointing to one of my tattoos if they're showing) or even "how come you're so fat and my mam is so thin?" but it's only childish curiosity and they do actually want to know - they don't realise that it can be hurtful.

dixiechick1975 · 24/01/2013 22:48

MadStaringEyes

That is exactly what I say with DD who only has one arm - she says I was born this way and if they seem to want more I say we are all different eg point to my glasses.

OP - your son is just asking why - he doesn't mean red = bad. Just explain that you have a condition called rosacea. Then if someone asks him that will be his response. DD (just 7) has learnt how to answer the questions about her by listening to what I say and copying this.

thezebrawearspurple · 24/01/2013 23:08

There's no point in getting upset, if you're that self conscious use foundation.

RarelyAGobshite · 24/01/2013 23:17

I've always tried to drum it onto my dc that everyone is different and that's fine. If he wants to know why someone Is different then he has to ask. No ridiculing allowed etc.

He's asked why daddy's tummy is fat.
Why the man holding the park gate open for us had brown teeth (in earshot of said man)
Why a wheelchair user was in a wheelchair (in earshot)

I could go on.
It's natural curiosity i think. Please don't be upset about it, he wouldn't have meant to cause you sadness.

SirBoobAlot · 24/01/2013 23:21

thezebrawearspurple That is one of the least helpful things you could have managed to post.

SilverSixpence · 24/01/2013 23:28

It's worth visiting the GP as there are several treatments available for Rosacea which might help

EduCated · 24/01/2013 23:32

thezebrawearspurple What a fucking nasty post Angry

ThePathanKhansWitch · 24/01/2013 23:35

I,m very quite hairy. My dd told her nursery nurse I had a moustache Blush Grin disloyal madam.
But I do, I,ve told her we're all different and that I,m quite shy (read, mortified) about the hairs on my face, and I,d rather that she didn,t tell anyone else.
She,s started school, so far I,ve not caught the ta looking for my Magnum PI, but I,m sure at some point dd will let everyone knowGrin.
Please don,t be upset, you know ds wouldn,t hurt you for the world, they are just without malice.
Neighbours dp is an amputee below the knee, and says he finds children so refreshing, just straight out with it "wheres the rest of your leg".

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 24/01/2013 23:36

Peterpie you say yourself that your son is lovely natured - he will learn that all people are different - and that the world would be very boring if we all looked the same.

I don't know if you have tried this , but bathing in , and washing with Dead Sea Salt can be very helpful for roseacea.

Have a look at the reviews on Amazon for it .. It's generally brill for the whole family to bathe in and for children with eczema too.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 24/01/2013 23:40

I'm totally surprised it's taken him until he was six to ask?!

He didn't say anything bad - he simply asked why it was red? Why are you so upset by it? I could understand your reaction if he'd said it was horrible, or he didn't want you to take him to school because of it or something - but he only asked why it was so red?!

DoJo · 24/01/2013 23:42

I can completely understand why you feel upset, but just try to think of it as the same as him asking why you wear glasses/have a tattoo of Dale Winton/paint your toenails purple as opposed to labelling you with one particular characteristic. More important than any aspect of your physical appearance is the fact that he knows you as the person to whom he can ask anything and be sure that you will answer him honestly and with love, and so that he doesn't ever feel like there are secrets or things that he can't talk to you about. I bet he'd rather have a mum like that than anything else - wouldn't we all?

stopgap · 24/01/2013 23:57

OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. I have hormonal acne outbreaks and I'm not looking forward to being known as the mum with teenage spots. But as others have said, take it as an opportunity to educate your son.

It's interesting to me that, in animals, dramatic skin patterns are seen as beautiful. No-one disputes that a zebra looks pretty or a dalmatian striking, but for some reason, this ideology doesn't transfer to humans, with evenness highly prized. So I shall be telling my son, when he's old enough, that mummy is way cooler than the average human and sometimes patterned like a dalmatian Grin

bootsycollins · 25/01/2013 00:02

When my lovely dd was about 3 she saw me getting dressed and said "ooooh mummy don't you have long boobies" ouch! Hmm

DoJo · 25/01/2013 02:04

Bootsy Baby! (Sorry - just suddenly had an urge to don some star shaped shades and make a slightly peculiar cartoon about the funk!)

deleted203 · 25/01/2013 02:11

Don't be upset. I think it's probably because you are self conscious about it. I know my Ma (well into her 70s) has always been self conscious about her teeth and was really upset when one of her GC made a comment about 'Grandma's teeth stick out'. I think it's natural to be mortified when children (or anyone else) comments on something about us which we hate. But he wouldn't have wanted to be hurtful. It's just curiosity and as others have said, probably a good opportunity to say, 'Everyone has differences. People have skin of different colour'.

Mimishimi · 25/01/2013 02:14

Pratima Raichur - Absolute Beauty. Did wonders for my mum's rosacea but it's a bit complicated and have to be diligent about it...

Original poster
peterpie · 25/01/2013 07:06

Thanks for the replies most are very helpful and are giving me a sense of perspective. And yes I know there are worse things but...
I did talk to him about differences, especially in skintone/colour and I know he didn´t mean what he said in a malicious way, just child curiosity. It´s me with the problem as I am very, very aware of it and naturally when it is mentioned it makes it go worse (physical flushing)

For those of you mentioning "treatments" etc, yes I have seen a couple of Dermatologists and had creams and ABs and I have also had a few courses of IPL which did ease it intially...in fact my DS added that it was worse last year so there´s progress for you Grin

MyHeadWasInTheSandNotNow - I agree with what you say and I know he didn´t mean anything bad by it, I suppose it´s just the fact that he notices it and I don´t want him getting picked on for it at some point in school, which I am sure he willl...we live in Spain and there aren´t many fellow red faced folk around Grin I stand out a mile! I have even had comments from complete strangers before now so I think it is understanble that I am sensitive about it. Like I have said already it is me with the problem.

Oh and yes I have also had the big boobies, fat tummy comments but funnily enough they don´t bother me Grin Gawd I sound gorgeous don´t I?!!!

And thanks to SirBoobAlot for coming to my defence re the foundation comment- your MN name always makes me chuckle

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 25/01/2013 08:17

Oh Rosacea is horrid and it's definitely not as simple as just using foundation

OP, I suffer from it to and have tried loads of ways to conceal it, I've found Bare Minerals Bisque concealor fantastic, it's yellow based so knocks all the red out of your skin. It's expensive, about £16 a pot but that will last you about 5 months using it every day, you need to get the special brush to apply it with as well which is about £15 but is worth it because it does such a good job. the other thing I have discovered is the Aloe range from The Body Shop which is amazing and has improved my skin loads - if you order on line you get all the deals and usually only pay about £3 or £4 quid a tub of cream :)

valiumredhead · 25/01/2013 08:18

Wrt what ds actually said I would just brush it off and say "Oh everyone has different types of skin" and leave it at that.

Original poster
peterpie · 25/01/2013 08:47

Thank You valiumredhead, I haven´t had much luck with foundations/concealers before so I wil definitely check out your recommendations Grin

And any excuse for Body Shop stuff is good

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 25/01/2013 08:59

BM is sold in dept stores so go to the counter to get yourself made over - once you have seen how good it is and what you need you can order it online or from ebay ( the foundations are half the price on ebay)

Ime they are very non pushy and really helpful in Debenhams. The bisque is like a powder but turns creamy when applied.

Good Aloe products = the face wash, day and night cream, the cleanser and the rehydration leave on mask if your skin is really dry.