to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

[Fizzler99]

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous!

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

wordfactory.

I didn't say on this thread and I also added I have seen it both ways. But will give you benefit of doubt of not seeing my previous addition.

I think there is only a problem when a person states their preference as a fact like sahms are boring or wohm don't bring their kids up. I can see why people get the hump at this.

My children loved me being a SAHM and seemed more chilled, now I work it is so much harder to meet their needs never mind enable them to thrive.

Karlos

I am a sahm and my dcs were/are always with me and were more chilled than many of their peers but not saying this as a fact for all.

Of course it isn't, potato prints. neither of my children would be particularly "chilled" because personality traits are to a large degree inherited, and both DH and I are highly-strung by nature; I very much doubt me staying at home would make the dc more relaxed, and it would give me a nervous breakdown, which would hardly be good for any of us.

Having twins, I can assure posters that temperament is pretty inherent.

Obviously it can be exacerbated by divorce, bereavement etc indeed anyhting that causes stress.

I think we can take from this thread that some people love being a SAHM and some hate it. Which is fine, but I just wish people would be a little more respectful and a little less derisory about what can be a very hard but very rewarding job.

I think whether DC become stressed by having two working parents is very much linked to how those parents deal with it.

Some parents I know make it luck easy and as a result have relaxed high achieving DC.

Of course there is a genetic component too. Working parents who make it look easy are likley to be hard to stress types...who in turn have hard to stress kids, who live in a stress-free atmosphere.

at the posters saying that SAHM is so hard because of waking at night, changing vomitty sheets etc. Do you think WOHMs don't have to do that too?!

I don't think one is harder than the other - it helps especially if you are loving whichever one you do - being a parent is a 24 hr job whether you are a wohm or sahm.

There are many mums and dads working in jobs they hate who would love to be able to afford to be a sahp and sahp who don't enjoy being a sahp but are stuck there fiscally.

The harder aspect of being a household where all adults work is that you have an extra set of balls to juggle and free time is squeezed by the things that a sahp can get done while they are caring for their child.

What stripyguys said. Why feel the need to attack? Yuck.

"I think we can take from this thread that some people love being a SAHM and some hate it. Which is fine, but I just wish people would be a little more respectful and a little less derisory about what can be a very hard but very rewarding job."

I really wish we could afford for me to be a SAHM but I've always known it can't be that way. I especially feel it when I'm trudging through the ice with the pushchair at silly o'clock. It must be great to just not have to work. I love days off when I can take DS2 to a toddler group or catch up with things in the house. That said, at least I'm building up my occupational pension because I don't see a great state pension ahead.

Maddening.

I totally agree with you being a parent is a 24 hour job whatever your circumstances.

However, I beg to differ about people working in jobs and not being able to afford to be a sahp. I think most if not all could afford it and take offence from those who say its a luxury.

We have brought up a family of 5 (3 dc) on one min wage, plus tax credits when they became available. This is not living in luxury but within our means

BeanJuice, I just came on here to say that! All this, "Ohhh it's so hard being a SAHM because of the long hours" - wtf do you think women who go out to work have to do?

I love my job but know that my life would be much easier if I was a SAHP.

Imperial,

I think the posters who said that being a sahm were referring to being a sahm and not being a wohm. Of course you are not doing the work of a sahm if you are woh.

So - the OP threw the hand grenade in and ran - what a surprise!

I've worked full time with a young baby, full time SAHM with 2, part time work with 2, SAHM with 2 at school, full time and part time with 2 at school. Over the years when I go to the park to play on the swings and roundabouts I see patches of green grass, don't know where they are, feel a bit sick, dizzy and disorientated.

'In both of my childrens' classes, the most highly-strung, difficult and badly behaved children are both the products of full-time mothering. '

That is probably different in every class. Bad parenting is bad parenting whether from WOHP or SAHP. In my DCs class the worst behaved kids are the children of dual income parents. But as I know many children of working parents who seem lovely I don't think you can conclude much from it.

I have two children under 4 and work part time. My days working are by far the easiest days of the week! Today I have had both kids at home with me and my day has gone a little something like this.

11:30pm last night - collapse in bed

Midnight - Little one wakes up, hysterical, get up, give cuddles, not working so get bottle, crawl back into bed

2:30am - little one wakes again, luckily settles after 5 minutes moaning, I am now wide awake

6am - get woken up by little one, get up, crawl into kitchen and make breakfast for both all the while fending off little one who now thinks its a great game to slap me, climb up onto the kitchen sides and try and swipe my boiling hot tea out of my hands. Argue with bigger one over what he's having for breakfast. Watch my own cuppa go cold.

8:30am - try and get little one dressed, try and stop massive paddy that is now in process. Shout at bigger one who is moaning that sock's don't match pants and trousers (that fitted perfectly yesterday) are now too big. Get slapped in face by little one who is refusing to put shoes on

9:30am - finish getting LO dressed

9:45 - try and get dressed myself all the while fending off LO who insists on brushing her teeth for the 400th time this morning. Try and wash armpits in sink but give up as LO is climbing on step and into sink at the same time

10:00 - after scraping hair back try and get kids in car. Bigger one is refusing as he's watching something on cbeebies. Wait for 15 minutes until its finished

10:15 - get punched in the face by LO while trying to get her rigid stiff body into car seat. Get deafened by Bigger one who has put stereo on so loud the neighbours are now staring

10:30 - arrive at shops, put LO in sling on my back as she is refusing to go in buggy and wants to walk (not going to happen!). Carry 2 stone 3lb toddler around 3 shops whilst all the while having my hair pulled. Walk down one aisle and realise she has hold something that is currently pulling everything off nearest shelf.

10:40 - finish picking up contents of shelf.

10:45 - try and get to checkout with at least some sanity left. BO has seen the toy aisle and has now decided he simply MUST have this piece of crap toy. I say no. Game over my friend!

11:00 - Leave shop with only half of what I went in for. Put kids in car and stand outside for few minutes taking in deep breaths and counting down from 100 to try and preserve the rest of my patience.

This is only up to 11am!!!!! It's now past midnight, I only sat down at 11:45 and have already been into LO twice after hysterical screaming fit, cleaned kitchen and walked the dog. Just realised I've had no tea.

Best thing is, I get to do it all again tomorrow! What fun!!

Beanjuice- no one said they didn't. The point was that parenthood is fucking hard work, and staying at home is not the easy life compared to someone who works but DOESN'T have kids.

SAHM is hard work, but I also bloody love it more than anything. Our days are busy, but fun. I wouldn't change it for the world.

The biggest thing for me is making sure we do at least one group a day, plus play dates, trips out, meeting friends and daddy for lunch.

At first I found it tough before I had other SAHM friends and knew what was on in our area. But now we're having a blast :) he's toddling so I can let him go off and play whilst I catch up with friends

Again Imperial, the reference about long hours as SAHM were in comparison to OP not having kids and working and assuming its like not working without kids.

Morethan - the choice is the thing - that is a luxury whether you have a child or not - I am sorry if I have offended you
if money was no object then is would start my own business doing something I love and being able to work it around ds - so I would choose to work - but I don't feel I could pay for childcare while building up a business. I would also need to be bringing in money even if childcare was free so for now I will have to look for full time work in the same sector as a year ago. It is easy to feel trapped when you don't have so many choices. It doesn't make anyone elses choice right or wrong - you just play the cards you're dealt for now as nothing is fixed.

It is always going to be contentious as we all come from a different perspective and circumstance.

Im currently in my tenth month of maternity leave, absolutely loving being at home with my 9 month old dd every day, but cant stay I arent the teensiest bit excited by going back to work part time, adult conversation, a lunch time just dedicated to me with no worries.....seems like a luxury. But at the same time im also dreading it, feel like me and dd have got into a close little bubble which I dont want to burst