To Think Hospital Was Too Quick To Send Her (Abortion)

[LaurenCaddy]

It's a bit of a long winded one, but i want to get the facts all out, as it's rather upset me.

A family friend, was silly, and had an one night stand. She admitted it to her partner, and they agreed to try and get through it, before the cheating they was very rocky within there relationship. Then split up. A few days later she found out she was pregnant. She told her ex straight away, and he said if it was his he was happy to give things another go, but didn't want nothing to do if it wasn't. So she decided to see what to do based on dates. The dates came back that it was most likely the other dudes (She wasn't 100% much to my disliking). Her family went mad, as they like her ex very much, names where called and they told her go for an abortion (even her mother). And they said her ex was to go with her. She was in absolute pieces, weeping down the phone, but went to the hospital with him watching over, where she received the first tablet, and took the second home for the following day to take.

AIBU to think the hospital should of noticed her distress, and should of talked to her alone about the decision, she's barely 18? Plus she hasn't been offered anyone to talk to afterwards, or any form of counselling if she would need it.

I don't know how these things work. But it was clear to my whole family she didn't want to do it. But her family put pressure on her, by saying she'll have 2 kids by 2 different Dads. My sister looked after her daughter all day whilst she sorted it out, and we all helped, it was hard to look at her laughing and playing with my nephew when all i could think was that she was killing her brother/sister.

Sorry for long post. I found it quite distressing, i'm 32+3 myself and was saddened immensely. Maybe its hormones?

Here is a description of the procedures involved: www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Abortion/Pages/How-is-it-performed.aspx it's NHS Choices so pretty neutral and matter of fact.

Lauren - nobody likes the idea of abortion. It's a tough choice to make and to live with. It's absolutely normal for your friend to feel very sad. In the last few weeks she's screwed up her relationship and made the decision to end a pregnancy. It's a lot to deal with. Some counselling may be needed but no counselling and nothing you do will turn back the clock. It's proprotionate and reasonable for your friend to be upset. It doesn't mean she's been forced in to anything nor that she made the wrong choice.
You keep it up with the 'killing' comments btw and all you'll do is upset her, yourself and a lot of other people.

I would think the vast majority of women who have an abortion are extremely upset . She would be nothing out of the ordinary, it is an awful experience for anyone, not just the woman, it's all so sad.

I wouldn't recommend Care Confidential as a post-abortion counselling service. They have a suspect and anti-choice agenda and are certainly not an impartial service.

I hope your friend gets some genuine support from a qualified professional soon.

You are very unreasonable to write:

when all i could think was that she was killing her brother/sister.

Are you a member of SPUC? Is this a stealth propaganda post?

Lost any sympathy or belief that you are genuinely concerned for her when you said 'killing the brother/sister'.

'killing the brother/sister'.

This may not sit well with many but if this is how the OP feels then she has a right to say it.

Agree with NorthernLurker though in that it could upset people if she continues to say it.

With most opinions on abortion, they're best kept private IMO. What you think doesn't matter unless you're the one dealing with it.

To be fair to Lauren...the comment about killing a brother or sister was only said in the original post and she has acknowledged that this was emotive and due to her own situation. She hasn't repeated it.

Your job is simply to support her now the decision is made.

If she was bullied into an abortion then that is a terrible thing and she will need help - preferrably not by soneone who thinks in terms of "killing a brother or sister"

FWIW I had an abortion fairly recently. Contraception failure, I have three DC and a previously complicated pregnancy that ended in the stillbirth of my son.

I knew I couldn't have another baby and went to MS, I was scanned at less than 6 weeks and had the procedure later that day. During the scan I started to cry, I was tired and emotional.

i wasn't once asked if I was sure I was doing the right thing, nor was I offered or given counseling. I was surprised by this.

involving like a suction or something, I'm not sure if it was meant as a scare tactic

or maybe her mum trying to make an unpleasant procedure and uncomplicated as possible for her daughter. Her 18 year old daughter.
Barely an adult.

What would anyone else do?
Tablet for 2 days or surgery?

all i could think was that she was killing her brother/sister.

Who the hell are you to sit in judgement regarding another woman's body.

You are the last person she should be getting advice from by the sounds of it.

I've had two abortions and didn't need counselling - are you sure your friend does? For a lot of people it isn't a devastating thing but a relief. Assuming an abortion is this huge traumatic thing for every woman is just untrue.

I was given helpline phone numbers and an offer of someone to talk to before making my final decision (this was family planning centre & Marie stopes) . Someone has already given you the numbers for these helplines.

The 'suction thing' is used if you're further along. She took tablets so will have had what felt like a heavy period with some strong cramps, maybe. Is that the sort of thing you want to know?