in refusing to believe that im teaching my daughter to be this way?

[Losingexcessweight]

I really need help with this, im a new mum and not sure if im doing the right thing.

DD is 14 weeks old. Shes very talkative in baby language, very observant with whats happening around her, loves being spoken to, played with etc.

Shes not keen on being left on her own (even if i only pop to the loo)

She will happlily sometimes sit in her bouncy chair without being entertained providing she can see somebody.

I thought this was normal behaviour.

However dd has been get very distressed for some time now if not constantly entertained.

Off to the GP i went, thinking there most be something wrong if dd isnt settling very well.

GP checked her over, said he couldnt find anything medically wrong and that he feels this is a "behavioural issue" and to contact my HV.

So i arrive home, contact my HV, had a good chat, she tells me shes never heard of a doctor say that its a behaviour issue with a child so young.

As DD sleeps through the night and has done from around 7 weeks old, the hv says its not behavioural as she ll be the same during the night.

I went to see the hv the next day at the weighing clinic and dd got very very aggitated when there and it took ages to settle her, other parents were staring etc. Again hv sat with me whilst i fed her to see if it was "silent reflux" etc. She does not feel it was and asked me to take her back to the GP to have her urine tested to rule out infection.

I got a urine sample and off we went to the GP with it. The urine test was clear. The doctor said that i was "making a rod for my own back" by constantly attending to dd crying etc within a short space of time and i had to train her to behave in the way i think is acceptable.

I always believed (i have done alot of training with babies and children in the past but not recent) that babies cry for a reason and that by not attending to them youre teaching them that nobody comes etc.

I have been told by a family member that i do a hell of a lot of interacting with dd more than the average parent, and maybe thats why shes expecting it all the time etc.

HV has said that dd is more advanced for her age regarding alertness, back posture and how she supports her head etc and that she just needs a lot of stimulation and gets bored easy.

By interacting so much with dd am i building a rod for my own back and making her have a "behavioural issue"

Any advice more than welcome. I dont know if im doing the right thing by being so attentive towards her.

I would start to try and leave her for very shorts times to do stuff. Like if she under her gym playing just pop to the loo tell her your just going to the loo and will be straight back. When you come back tell her your back.
I couldn't take my last one with me to the loo as I couldn't carry her up the stairs easily so if I was just going to the loo she was left down stairs. It doesnt hurt a baby to cry for a very short while. If I was going to be longer sort washing ect I would ask her if she wanted to come up with mummy and play in her cot so I could sort the washing out. This got her used to the cot as she slept in a crib in our room at night. Hope some of this helps. I am a firm believer that babies understand more than we give them credit sometimes and telling them where you are going and when you will be back is much better than sneaking off to do something just because they seam busy. They will soon realise and wonder where you are. I also think if they start to learn that you always come back when you say you are off to the loo it makes leaving them later when they are bigger easier.

Are you sure the GP didn't mean 'behavioural' as in ' not a medical issue?'

would start to try and leave her for very shorts times to do stuff. Like if she under her gym playing just pop to the loo tell her your just going to the loo and will be straight back. When you come back tell her your back

That^^

I don't think that a bit of a grizzle in a baby is always a bad thing though as long as they aren't screaming their heads off.

I don't think it's possible to be too attentive to a 14wo baby! OP your DD sound quite similar to my 15wo DD. I always go to her when she cries, she likes being entertained by me lots so I do it. She loves sleeping on me and being cuddled up so we do this lots. Recently she does seem to have been enjoying just watching me at times though, she loved watching me hoover round today. If I need to pop to the loo, get food or a drink etc, I tell her what I'm doing. If she cries I go to her as soon as I can but I have to eat and take care of myself too! I just try to make sure I've fed her/done her nappy before having my own lunch, as would hate for to cry cos she's hungry.

I'm not sure if I'm doing things right but I'm trying to do my best and go with the flow and I think DD is doing well and seems happy. I don't believe you can spoil a baby, and as for making a rod for your back, what rubbish, they are far too young to be manipulative. I hope you're enjoying your DD and congrats btw

A grizzle in a baby might not be a bad thing or do them permanent harm, but it's not necessary to leave a baby to cry if you don't want to. Some cultures (like ours) tend to leave babies to cry a lot more than others where carrying and feeding on demand are more the norm, and we don't produce more confident/independent/better adjusted people for it.

She does sound like a normal 14 week old to me.

I did chuckle a bit at you saying your DD sleeps through because she wears outfits in the day and babygros at night - mine both wore the same from birth, DD didn't sleep through until 14mo and 9mo DS still doesn't You're just lucky!

Completely normal, 14 week olds want cuddles and attention. Eventually she'll have to learn about people needing time to do things, but she's tiny really! That comes later on!

I have a 19 yr old who wouldn't take her eyes off me when she was a baby and would scream bloody murder if I walked away, I used to just drag her round in her bouncy chair so she could see me, she has no behavioural problems although doesn't like to be alone much, this Rod for your own back is nonsense imo, dd2 was fine gurgling away on her own and didn't need entertained

without being mean i think you are over thinking things and comparing her ith other babies to much. Just enjoy your baby and cuddle and reassure her when needed. It sounds like your doing a great job.

don't think that a bit of a grizzle in a baby is always a bad thing though as long as they aren't screaming their heads off.

No i dont either sometimes babies can be grumpy I let mine grizzle when they were babies

I think your gp meant 'behavior' as is it is not an physical illness or medical problem.

Your dd is 14 weeks old and doesn't want to be left alone. The only way she can express this is crying. Your reaction will depend on your parenting style. You may want to go running everytime she so much as squeaks. Thats perfectly valid and up to you. Some people (perhaps your gp is one) who will leave a baby who is safe and not distraught for a few moments.

Personally I did an in between kind of thing. If I knew the kids were safe and it was their moany cry I would finish the job I was doing and then go. I never dropped everything and ran to them, nor did I leave them for more than a couple of minutes (very maximum).

I have an excellent bond with my children, they don't seem to have been damaged. :)

I do think there may be more to your posts though, op. You say that you know she cries because she does not like being left, but took her top the GP because you thought something may be wrong. Its possible that your gp thinks this is an over reaction on your part, if you know the reason why did your seek medical intervention. Then you sent back again for a urine test. I know that this was on advice from your hv, but reflux or a water infection would not make your child cry only when left alone.

I think its possible your gp thinks you are making a mountain out of a molehill and that is why you are 'making a rod.

I don't mean to be rude but just thinking about what the gp said and your reactions.

You sound a brilliant mom and your dd sounds a completely normal baby.

Only go to the GP if tour dd is really ill and needs medication.

Avoid Hv at all costs.

Babies don't always have a 'must be acted on need ' whenever they cry because after all you do need to do stuff like cook, clean, poo, etc.

Carry on just as you are and relax.

Do you really believe that your baby knows what are pyjamas and what are clothes? Bless. You are doing fine, your baby sounds fine. She may not continue to sleep that well, and if that happens, don't blame yourself.

Dd is like this and has been since birth pretty much and is now 19weeks. I've learnt that she has different cries for different things- if I walk out the living room to the loo she cries but if she's tired and hasn't slept much that day she has a louder more intense cry, and I know she's tired.

Your dd will be fine! My dd is rolling back to tummy now and does a cute frustrated moany cry as she hasn't figured out to move her arms at the same time as she's trying to kick her legs around in a crawling style.

I think your GP meant 'behavioural' as in 'what she does'. Sounds like she and you are doing brilliantly.

FWIW I agree with all the posters on here - OP, it sounds like you're doing absolutely fine.

My DS was / is like this too. He is 5 months now and is also very alert and likes cuddles and attention (who doesn't?!). He also went through the night from very young - we were very lucky but he was a big baby too.

Like another poster has said, I found the best way to do things around the house was to put him in the bouncy chair so he could see me. To unpack the shopping once I dragged the bouncy chair to the threshold of the kitchen and described the items I was putting away. I've also done this when I have been cooking and ended up sounding slightly mental by describing what I was doing!

My DSIL told me too that I was making a rod for my own back. It hurt at the time and I think I nodded in agreement in stunned silence. Now I just ignore most of what she says.

She is only 14 weeks old so of course you are not being unreasonable in attending to her needs instantly. Breathtaking ignorance from the GP to suggest a 14 week old has any idea about behaviour.
Baby wants its Mum to be close, if you are able to do that for her, that is a good thing. It is your role to make her feel safe secure and loved. Enjoy your time with her.

DD is three months. Three month old babies have evolved to be worried if caretaker is not around because otherwise they would be at risk of being eaten by sabre tooth tigers. The first year is learning to attach to caretakers so that they know how to trust and form a strong bond. You are doing great, ignore GP and just keep doing what makes you and her happy. If she is fed, changed, warm and loved you are doing a grand job. Ignore anyone who tells you otherwise, they are idiots.

Can I add they are what they are at birth and that's the deal.

For what it's worth my oldest 23 was incredibly cuddly and wanting me all the time.. Slightly less so now but still needs reassurance.

Ds2 21 was Independant and wouldn't be cuddled to sleep. Now a much travelled self assured adult.

Dds 3 and 4 are teens and like 1 incredibly cuddly. Still are.

It's not what you do it's what they are. You just respond.

Thebody, the opposite is true for me. DS#1 was exceedingly independent and not cuddly at all as a youngster and is more cuddly/close now as an older teen. DS#2 was a high touch needs baby, no way could have coped with even being in a bouncy chair at 3 months in the same room, real velcro baby. @12 is much more independant than DS#1. Go figure.

At 14 weeks you cannot give too much attention, you cannot spoil her at all. I'm not normally a reader of baby books but I'm reading 'The Wonder Weeks' and it explains clingy, crying behaviour as being a reaction to being able to learn and understand something new happening in their lives, such as being able to focus on objects further away, thus making the room seem so much bigger. It's scary. Mummy is the safe place, and it's natural to reach out. In a few days (or a week or so) she'll suddenly seem so much more independent again. My baby went through it too. She'd have loads of fun playing until you moved away, then she got upset.

Sounds totally normal. DS was a velcro baby. He wanted constant attention. I carried him everywhere in a sling, hoovering, washing up etc. Or he was in his bouncy chair watching whatever I did. He also had to sleep on me during the day, and I was repeatedly told by SIL that I was spoiling him and making a rod for my own back and I had to let him cry himself to sleep blah blah. I left him to go to the loo and sometimes when there was absolutely no choice, but other than that I just accepted him as he was. He grew out of it eventually and at 6 is very good at focusing, concentrating and playing independently - for hours at a time. He is also a much more secure child than his whiney cousin but that just makes me sound like a smug bitch, which in this instance I am
Don't stress, you're doing fine.

OMG what a lot of crap the GP spouted!

Your DD is 14 weeks, loves to be near you, is developing really well. In short, she's perfect!

Don't worry. And keep being the loving responsive mother you obviously naturally are.

Im very relieved that it seems normal behaviour

Im just going to carry on as i am. Im glad you have shared your experiences of how your kids were, makes me feel much better!

Personally I think if you are constantly giving her attention and won't even leave her in a room to go for a wee, then you are creating this problem.

I have a friend who has done this sort of thing with her 2 children, they are 4 and 3 but she does see that by her constant mothering of them, they are completely incapable of entertaining themselves and they want constant adult interaction. It can be very draining when you are visiting and she goes off for a game of hide and seek with them.

It is great that you are so engaging with your baby, I certainly have constantly talked to mine (possibly why DS was an early talker and why I am now tearing my hair out at non stop talking ) but she will be fine if you nip out the room.

Oh yes, absolutely, don't inconvenience yourself because your child is crying for you. If you need a wee or want to have a quick tidy up go for it. She won't be hurt by crying and she'll learn that you will still come back sometime. I'm just saying it's normal that she is being that way.