To think my SIL is taking the mick?

[TacticalWheelbarrow]

SIL gave birth to my niece a few weeks after Xmas. My brother and her have been having marital issues since then. SIL asked for space and my brother and my 18 year old nephew have moved in with me, the baby has stayed with her. I have no choice but to put my brother up because he cannot to afford to rent a place on the side while paying the mortgage.

Since then she has been criticising the way I run my house. For example the past 3 night's dinners have been shepherd's pie, jerk chicken with salad and corn on the cob and scampi. Apparently when she was on the phone to my nephew she was criticising me saying about the shit I feed my family , at SIL's house they live a low carb lifestyle (fair enough).

She also had an argument with my brother because I asked nephew to take DS to football on the bus because where he was going it was on the way. According to her I shouldn't use my nephew as a glorified baby sitter. Bearing in mind I have cooked and done washing for nephew for over a week now.

Brother keeps asking SIL when he can come back to the marital home, she is being really vague saying she still needs space. No one has asked me if this is ok? I'm the only one who can put them up as mum has no room and other brother lives in a uni shared house ages away.

I have since found out the SIL has been having her best friend to stay while brother has been gone, I thought she needed space ffs?

Sorry but I have 2 kids and a husband of my own, I have just gone back to work after maternity leave, suffering with depression and the fact my house is being used as a go between is really getting to me. I haven't been given one thanks yet either :(.

So, the scenario seems to be :
DB and SIL's marriage is a bit rocky. They conceive an elastoplast baby to try and patch it together. As birth approaches marriage is still rocky and SIL asks DB to leave (presumably DN, 18, stays at home with his mother at this point) around the 11th Dec. SIL asks DB to come back for Xmas and the birth. Baby is born 2nd Jan, SIL returns home from hospital 4th or 5th, SIL's mother is staying there to help. SIL asks DB to leave 8th Jan saying "her feelings still hadn't changed about him" and she needs space; he leaves. On the 10th he goes back home, on the 11th he returns to OP's home, their DS decides to come with him. SIL would prefer that DN stays with her. At some point her best friend moves in, presumably to help support SIL and be of practical assistance (since SIL's mother has presumably gone home by then).

DB isn't forthcoming to OP or her DH. DN is presumably not being asked what's going on. SIL is communicating with DN by phone. I'm presuming it is the DN passing on what SIL says to him in these phonecalls? Not very diplomatic of him, but he is still quite young and presumably a bit shellshocked by his parent's marital breakdown, not to mention the collapse of his own homelife. I doubt he is shit-stirring. DB may well be unforthcoming for pretty much the same reasons.

Lots of presuming there, isn't there? TacticalWheelbarrow, have I understood you properly?

So, what to do?

For starters, SIL and DB have apparently put their relationship 'on hold' and are ignoring it for the moment - not good. They need to come to a decision, either to try to make it work or to divorce. And for them to do that, THEY NEED TO TALK. And, TBH, DB and DN need to return to THEIR HOME. SIL has had some space, some time-out; yes she has a new baby, but it is the DB's daughter and the DN's sister and she can't keep ignoring that. Assuming he hasn't been abusive (and there doesn't seem to be any reason to believe that he has been) then they are perfectly capable of living under the same roof whilst addressing their problems. Because it is their problems, DB's and SIL's. The current situation means they are making it DNephew's problem, OP's problem, OP's DH's problem etc. That really has to stop. DB and DN should return HOME. If they are to split permanently, then DB needs a permanent new home and that is not with you, OP! But they need to talk. Soon. Like, right now.