To not understand skidmarks (genuine question)

[neveradullmomentinparadise]

Seriously, is this a man thing (as it is in my household)? Surely one poos, then wipes until clean, using ridiculous toilet-blocking amounts enough paper to do the job properly. That's it. Am I missing something?

[neveradullmomentinparadise]

Well, I wasn't expecting quite so much interest in this topic, thanks everyone! I grew up in a household of girls, so just accepted this as a male thing when I got married. It isn't an issue, and I too wash without comment as I really don't want to have that discussion, but mostly put all his pants and socks together well away from my stuff. Would never now put wipes down the toilet, after a blockage a few years ago resulting in Mother in Law and DH peering into open sewer to establish what was causing said blockage. It was back in the days when I would unthinkingly flush away tampons and sanitary towels and occasionally wrapped up condoms. Embarrassing is not the word for the moment all of the above were correctly identified by Mother in Law.

[OneHundredSecondsofSolitude]

I thought bidets were for after shagging? And that's why the French have them, it's all the shagging y'see

[thegreylady]

I use dry paper first then fold a few sheets together and drip water from bidet tap on it then wipe again-dh uses bidet but I cant work out how to sit effectively=yesterday I managed to spray water all up my front inside my clothes-I hate it and I was a pretentious prat when I bought it :(

[StinkyWicket]

I wish we had a bidet. I always think I am clean but often am not due to birth issues

Gross but true! Mind you, I do the washing so at least no one else sees them

[Clawdy]

My mum once said kindly "Men are like children - they don't wipe properly."

[Boomerwang]

I use moist wipes. I assumed they were ok to go down the toilet otherwise they wouldn't sell them? Surely? They make you so clean that I think I'd continue to use them even if I found they don't disintegrate all that quickly...

[OneHundredSecondsofSolitude]

Gosh, look at all of us you who have been left unable to wipe our your bums effectively by childbearing / birth

And they said a leaky pelvic floor was the last taboo

[DuffyMoon]

It get sore though...if you don't wipe till clean...or is that just me

[AmberLeaf]

Boomerwang, they block up your bog!

I had shitty dirty water coming up through my shower drainhole because of bloody moist wipes.

[sherazade]

we all wash after using the toilet in this house.
Watering- can kept next to the loo. Fill with warm water, rinse your areas and pat try with loo roll. DD 1 (7) does her own, I wash dd2 (6).

[OneHundredSecondsofSolitude]

But the water application. It's against gravity. How do you get the water to go upwards or do you trickle it down your crack from above

Sorry I know I'm getting too involved, it's just this thread has struck a nerve. Peculiarly.

[Borntobeamum]

I'm rather aghast that you inspect said item of clothing prior to washing them!
I have a whites wash hamper and a coloureds one.
I just bung each one in. I've never looked to see if my DH is a blotcher or not!

[lucysnowe]

I'm sorry but I am not letting a 'ceramic scraper' anywhere near my bottom parts

[Boomerwang]

Amberleaf nothing compares to what I had to go through when our underground septic tank got full and the stuff spewed all over our garden.

The packet says 'don't flush more than 3 wipes at a time' I only ever use one. No blockage so far.

[Goodkingwalkingslass]

Someone please explain watering can? How do you do it? And do you use your hand to wash or what? Intrigued by possible solution to sore bum from too much dry wiping!

[AmberLeaf]

Oh good lord septic tanks are the stuff of nightmares.

[wigglybeezer]

I got to like the water jet that cleans your bot in turkish loos, very effective ( like other posters I have been left with post childbirth piles, it is very difficult to wipe with just dry paper). At home I use damp loo paper or a jug of water, washing my hands very thoroughly afterwards!

I think one of those wee shower head type things, plumbed in would be very useful in most houses, especially for potty training incidents and also frail old people ( my mum had to deal with my grannies skid marks at one point [ sad])

[sudaname]

This reminds me of time a friend very suddenly got rid of a boyfriend whom she had seemed very loved up with. Apparently they had been in bed together for the first time and he had got up to use the loo - next door in flat and paper thin walls (no pun intended). So she could hear he was doing number twos which was gross enough but she thought 'well, when you gotta go' etc. etc. so she quickly got herself past that one.
What finished her off was hearing the toilet flush and then in a flash our shitty arsed romeo was climbing back in bed with her.
Or as she put it ' from last plop to back in bed, in less than ten seconds'

< bleugh

[PowerPants]

sudaname - that is GRIM.

I don't get the watering can thing either. How do you get it down your arse crack? And even if you did how would the force of water be enough to wash away the poo?

[sudaname]

Yes it was but funny though for years after we laughed about her lucky escape.
I dont get the watering can thing either - l'd do me back in trying to pour it down. Also surely the paper would just break up on a wet bottom wouldnt it - unless youre posh and use embossed.

[nemno]

Water without some sort of scraper does not remove poo from shoes or buggy wheels unless under pressure. So I too am intrigued how a watering can might work.

I know that a lot of water ends up everywhere in loos that have a tap with short hose next to the pan but who cleans the actual hose which presumably has been held be a dirty hand? These loos (in Muslim countries I have been) don't generally provide paper as well.

I get the eating with only the right hand thing but in my experience food preparation is always done with 2 hands.

I have pondered these issues for some time and I am thrilled to find a thread to ask about them.

[INeedThatForkOff]

I had a lazy glance at this thread a while ago but had nothing to add. I will say though that the title is fucking awesome. Everything I love about Mumnet!

[INeedThatForkOff]

Oh bollocks, Mumsnet.

[moodyblue]

I have been lurking (literally) for years and find it amusing that this thread (and half a bottle of wine) is what's encouraged me to post!! My ex-dh had very skiddy kecks but unfortunately ds1 is similarly afflicted so I didn't lose the problem when dh upped and left. In their case the issue concerned the fact that they both have developmental co-ordination disorder (dcd) and problems with knowing where their body is in space. In other words they struggle to understand what the back of their body is doing. Like how you might find it hard to fasten a belt behind your back they struggle to wipe their arses. As something like 1 in 6 males is thought to have dcd this could account for a lot of men's shitty undercrackers.

[JamesBexleySpeed]

Disabled; arthritis, can't always reach properly due to stiffness etc. Try to shower though not always possible, of course.

I can't believe I just said that out loud, as it were.