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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to plan to miss BIL wedding?

30 replies

TotallyEggFlipped · 21/01/2013 19:50

I'm due to give birth to DC2 in July. BIL is getting married in France approx 2 weeks after my due date.

WIBU to plan for me to NOT attend the wedding as things stand at the moment? We would plan for DH to take DD for about 4 days for the wedding and buy their flights, but not buy a flight for me and consider buying fligts last minute if DC2 arrives early and we feel up to it. I really don't think I'd want to take a 2 week old (or younger) on a flight to France, but AIBU? After all, he's only planning to marry once!

OP posts:

Watto1 · 21/01/2013 19:53

Totally NBU! You'll either be overdue, in labour or taking care of a very new baby. Any reasonable person would understand.

Isityouorme · 21/01/2013 19:54

Can't you drive instead?

SanityClause · 21/01/2013 19:55

It is unfortunate timing. He wouldn't consider changing the date, would he? Otherwise, I don't really see you making the wedding.

redandwhitesprinkles · 21/01/2013 19:55

You would struggle to get a passport-you won't want to go. Save your money!

LifeofPo · 21/01/2013 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 21/01/2013 19:57

You wouldn't get a passport in time.

Sirzy · 21/01/2013 19:58

YANBU. I think as a family you are being very considerate towards BIL to even book for your husband to go considering you may go overdue.

FryOneFatManic · 21/01/2013 19:58

If you have a CS you may not be fit enough to attend.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/01/2013 19:58

YANBU - your plan sounds very sensible. You'll make it if you can but can't commit as don't know how you'll be after birth. And your DH and DD will still go. Sounds good. My only worry is what if you go two weeks overdue - will DH still want to go the wedding?

Original poster

TotallyEggFlipped · 21/01/2013 19:59

I'm sure BIL will understand, but he's lovely and I feel sad to miss his & SIL-to-be's big day. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions as to whether I'm being a bit pathetic about the whole thing or not.

Good point about the passport too. I think it would take even longer to arrange a passport in July.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 21/01/2013 19:59

I tend to have very easy labours and am up and about hours later.

I wouldn't contemplate this tbh. I doubt dh would go either.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/01/2013 20:00

The point about the passport is a good one, and lots of the airline won't carry the baby until they are 15 days old or something.

coffeekeepsmegoing · 21/01/2013 20:00

Not at all unreasonable. I wouldn't even consider it. Yes, very generous to even consider your husband going.

Sirzy · 21/01/2013 20:00

Arrange with them to go out for a special family meal when they are back and everything has settled down for you all. That way you still get to celebrate with them even if its not on the day

ihearsounds · 21/01/2013 20:01

You wouldn't be able to go anyway. Chances are, even if you have lo on due date, you wouldn't get to register birth in time to get BC, which will be needed for passport. Never mind picture, countersigned and possibly a 6 week wait because it would be the first passport or if it can be done a week fast track.

Original poster

TotallyEggFlipped · 21/01/2013 20:04

If I go overdue then I'll let DH decide what he wants to do. I can always have my mum for support during the birth if DH wants to go and I wouldn't hold it against him. I think it would be a very tough decision for him. (but then I don't have any choice about being there for the birth, so I've no idea what a father feels about it - it may be a no-brainer for him). I think we'd be prepared to take the gamble on the host of the flight bought early vs going overdue.

OP posts:

JustFabulous · 21/01/2013 20:06

There is another thread with almost identical problems. It is going very differently though as the bride is being very demanding.

BinkyWinky · 21/01/2013 20:07

OP you sound so sensible, it's actually really nice to see. I'm sure your BIL will understand. Maybe you could Skype them at some point in the day?

zipzap · 21/01/2013 20:08

Sort out a techy way for you to be there virtually instead - skype, apple talk time etc.

Just make sure that it's not on somebody's uk phone paying horrendous data charges abroad! See if somebody local could do it so paying nothing or minimal amounts for data and then you'll get to see at least some of their special day (assuming you're not giving birth - guess you will be distracted if that's the case!)

I've had friend's that have done this when they haven't been able to go to weddings abroad and it's worked well - to the point that they've made an effort to be nicely dressed and had a glass of fizz on hand to toast the happy couple.

blackeyedsusan · 21/01/2013 20:12

you maay be giving bith around the time dh is t the wedding. ddd was 8 days late. how long do they give you before inducing at your hospital. some only let you go 10 days over, some 14. inductions are not always quick.

then there are csections/ infected episiotomy stitches or other stuff that my haappen in a few cases. (hopefully not yours)so yaanbu.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/01/2013 20:13

It's sounds like you've got it planned and can manage with a bit of help from your mum if necessary. I think your BIL should be happy that you're happy for DH and DD to go.

HearMyRoar · 21/01/2013 20:15

It wouldn't even cross my mind to go to be honest. It took me over a week just to leave the house after dd was born, what with general post long birth and massive stitches knackeredness, and that was just up the road so a trip to France sounds like madness. I would also be rather surprised if my dp went in similar circumstances as I would rather think that he might want to spend time with his new baby and support me so soon after the birth, but that's possibly just us.

dinkystinky · 21/01/2013 21:13

Yanbu Totally - at 2 weeks post natal you will be still hormonal, exhausted and establishing feeding etc. I know you feel guilty not being there but you have a great reason to stay home and room in with your new baby. And I am sure there will be DVDs and photos for you to see.

blackteaplease · 21/01/2013 21:21

Don't go. I missed my bil wedding this year as it was 10 days before my due date. I was sad to miss it as dd was a flowergirl but bil and sil understood. In your situation you would struggle to get a passport in time. You can't fly for 2 weeks after giving birth and you might go overdue anyway.

Alligatorpie · 21/01/2013 21:32

My dd was born in June last year and it took me four trips to London, countless hours on the phone and about 250 quid to get a passport for her so she could fly at 3 weeks old. It was the most stressful time of my life. I do not recommend it.

I would say if the baby comes 2 weeks early, then go, otherwise don't put yourself though the passport hassle.

The baby can fly as soon as they are born, although some dr.s dont recommend it. I have never heard anything about not being able to fly for 2 weeks after giving birth.

Don't go.

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