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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to be away from my DD?

26 replies

Ariel24 · 21/01/2013 18:45

My baby girl is 15 weeks old, is ebf, and has barely left my side since birth, and I love this The longest I am ever away from her is when I have a shower. DH I know would like time just for us and while I understand this, I also just feel that I don't want to be away from my baby, I don't know if it's bf hormones or just how I am as a mum. Even when I'm not breastfeeding so much when she starts weaning, the thought of being away from her yet just makes me feel queasy! I just wanted to know other people's thoughts and experiences.

OP posts:

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 21/01/2013 18:46

I think it's probably quite natural to feel like it about a defenceless newborn, it is Mother Nature's way of protecting our future generations.

When she is 15 you might feel slightly differently, trust me .

pjmama · 21/01/2013 18:47

Perfectly normal and natural! You'll know when you're ready to to leave her for a bit longer (and you will at some point) and when that is is entirely up to you. Your DH will have to be a bit understanding.

Tailtwister · 21/01/2013 18:49

IME what you are feeling is totally normal. I know I didn't feel able to leave either of mine at that age (even long enough to go to the hairdressers!), but as they get older that changes to some extent. Once they were about 12 months I was able to be away for short periods.

Gingersnap88 · 21/01/2013 18:51

Perfectly normal! My DD is 10 months and I actually find it painful being away from her.
I know it'll come in time, even though DH would like it to hurry up!

thebody · 21/01/2013 18:53

I thought you said 15 months and was going to tell you perfectly normal but 15 WEEKS!! Of course not. She's tiny.

Enjoy please enjoy

. She will all too soon be an eye rolling, monosyllabic, hormonal little darling.. But still your baby!!

TidyDancer · 21/01/2013 18:56

Unless you are excluding your DH and preventing him from being involved (which I don't think you are!), then how you are feeling and behaving is perfectly normal!

Nellabutterfly · 21/01/2013 18:56

YA absolutely NBU. I'm the same with mine, and she's 8 months. it just doesn't feel natural, not having her next to me

Original poster

Ariel24 · 21/01/2013 19:03

Oh God no, I try to involve him as much as possible, at least I hope he feels this way! I think his issue more is wanting time with me alone. I've had offers of babysitting from when she's weaning as people have told me I could leave her then but I've said NO! very firmly and politely already to this and made it clear I don't want to be away from her. I'm very lucky too as I'm not going back to work so I actually have no need for childcare either.

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Karoleann · 21/01/2013 19:04

I disagree, it's really important that you do spend time with your dh, he's bound to feel left out otherwise and hopefully he'll be there long after all your children have left home.
I think it's really important to look after your marriage as well as a little one. I think a night out at the cinema or for a meal when you' nearby would be good for both of you.

Megatron · 21/01/2013 19:04

Totally normal and YANBU. When DS was 5 months old DH arranged a 'surprise' for me and arranged for DS to be taken care of by his mum while he took me to a show where he had paid a fortune for the tickets. I hated every minute of it and sobbed most of the time because my boobs hurt so much and I was convinced that it was DS sending me signals that he needed feeding. Now he's 9 and getting a bit 'teen-agy'. Not quite the same!

lyrasdaemo · 21/01/2013 19:06

My dd is 18 weeks and ebf and I hate leaving her. Am trying to express a bit to get her used to it before I have to go back to work, not looking forward to it

TartyMcTart · 21/01/2013 19:18

Snuggling your baby is lovely but she's coming up for 4 months old so surely a night out can't be such an awful thought?

PoppyWearer · 21/01/2013 19:21

YANBU. I hated being away overnight from DC1 until I knew she could talk well and communicate her needs and wants properly. Which was somewhere between 2-3yo. And even then I found it tough.

When DH and I had a few days away at 18mo I cried buckets.

DC2 at 9mo was a bit easier to leave, but I think bf'ing hormones still made me weepy.

Somehow them going to nursery was different. It was being away at night times that did for me.

The early weeks with bf'ing are very intense, I found even handing them over for cuddles with anyone else really heart-wrenching.

MrsHelsBels74 · 21/01/2013 19:25

I must be unnatural, DS2 is 17 weeks & I love having time off from being a mum

TartyMcTart · 21/01/2013 19:26

I suppose it depends on what you see as the 'early weeks' and for me, this is just a few weeks old. After that, life is pretty much back to normal!

However I did leave my two early on (6ish weeks) and I know some people would think this quite odd!

Francagoestohollywood · 21/01/2013 19:26

It is perfectly natural to not want to leave a baby.
However, the more you don't leave her, the more you don't want to leave her and therefore will fail to realize that going for a glass of wine with dh or a friend is not traumatic for you and for her, and it actually pretty normal.

Francagoestohollywood · 21/01/2013 19:28

Don't be sad MrsHellsBells, it is just as normal to want to have a little break.

malteserzz · 21/01/2013 19:29

You could try just leaving her for an hour or so, then increase it gradually. Otherwise if she's used to being with you 24 hours a day it will be hard for dh, grandparents etc to bond with her

Original poster

Ariel24 · 21/01/2013 19:32

Poppy what you said really describes how I feel, I don't want to leave her until she can talk and communicate what she wants easily.

She's ebf and I've never expressed milk for her, over never wanted or needed to really. so there's no way I could leave her, which I'm glad about really.

I think I'm just going to go with my instinct and not leave her until I feel totally ok about it. I won't enjoy going out if I'm just missing her terribly and upset about it anyway!

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Original poster

Ariel24 · 21/01/2013 19:34

Mrshelsbels you're not unnatural at all, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone is so different and feels different.

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TidyDancer · 21/01/2013 19:40

Not leaving her until she can talk could be a problem! There really is nothing wrong with not wanting to leave her, but you and DH might need to find a compromise at some point just to get a balance. I found that short periods of time away from DS and DD with me very close by, and then gradually increasing the time and distance as they got older was the way to do it. It feels less of a big deal that way. :)

Katienana · 21/01/2013 20:18

My.ds is exactly the same age and the longest I have left him for is 45 minutes to visit a relative in hospital. He is ebf too but last week he did take some expressed milk from a bottle. Dh doesn't mind me devoting myself to his needs and totally gets that I can't leave him.
It won't stop other people from bonding with your baby they can bond just as easily when you are there!

Original poster

Ariel24 · 21/01/2013 20:21

Katie that's what I think, and DH has a fab bond with DD. And I am so close to my parents and although they live 3 hours away they spend lots of time with DD as we will stay at theirs for days at a time, same when they come to us. They love spending time all of us together. and DD loves my mum, she's her favourite person I think!

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badguider · 21/01/2013 20:27

I do understand... but do you get ANY time with your DH? Can you put DD down for the night and sit down together for a proper meal and talk?

'babysitting' doesn't have to mean for hours and hours - it only takes 1.5hrs to have dinner together at a local restaraunt while she's asleep.. not saying you need to just yet, but you might want to in the next year or so.

Original poster

Ariel24 · 21/01/2013 20:43

We don't get loads of time just us as he works shifts and things but we try to go out all 3 of us and when she's sleeping in her pram we have lovely walks and chat lots then...

I feel so torn and don't want DH to be hurt. I think maybe when she's down to a couple of feeds a day from me we could go for lunch quickly whilst my my mum has her. she does love my mum after all!

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