To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

[pinkmagic1]

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

DS is 8 and I won't let him use men's loos without DH. Probably seems like an over reaction but one moment of some low life being in the men's and doing something will wreck their lives.

You should have just explained rather than shouting so no YANBU to take him in the ladies but YABU to shout at someone.

Yanbu in the circumstances.

Woman was rude and made an unnecessary comment about your son being too old (in her opinion) to be in the ladies loos. She should have kept her opinion to herself but instead she was rude to voice it to a stranger in the way she did.

I don't like the thought of young boys being in the mens loos alone no matter how short a time it takes one freak to change a child's life forever. She got what she deserved imo

Your son was kept safe regardless of what any one else thinks, and that is the main thing.

I just don't get the whole taking boys into womens toliets problem. Womens toilets have individual cubicles so therefore no boy child will see anything (there are many places that have no urinals and co ed toilets FFS). It becomes only an issue when it's a girl with a dad in mens toilets and urinals. What the hell do women think the boys will see...the washing and drying of hands OMG

Would you be ok with completely unisex loos then? Sounds like you would but there are many people (myself included) who would not.

Shouting? In Asda?

Do you mean that because you shouted at her you were shaky with the adrenalin and joy of telling the nosy cow to mind her own business. I applaud you!

Ok serious question (seeing as though this thread is somehow still running).

What exactly do people object to about boys in the ladies toilet? I'm not being snippy I'm genuinely asking. I honestly don't know.

i can't see any problem with boys in the women's loo - any business is done behind the door of a cubicle!

I don't like the idea of my DD in the gents though. Not because i think they're crawling with paedos and pervs but just because they smell rank and men always piss everywhere..

If your question was aimed at me countrykitten then the answer is no I would not be happy with completely unisex toilets. But we as humans do have the need to go periodically and sometimes do not have the choice of men or womens toilet, just A toilet. As a woman I would not be happy with complete unisex but also as a mother of an 8 boy I do not see the hysteria with some women when a"nessne behind cubicles" in a womens toilet.

sorry keyboard issues....Mother of an 8yo boy
and ...when "any business is done behind the door of a cubicle"

I think that saying that there has been 'hysteria' is a bit OTT really!

I haven't read the thread

But I was at a museum this weekend with DCs and we had just sat down fo lunch when DD (aged three) said she needed the loo. DS (aged one) was cranky and hungry, so I sent DD to the toilet alone, and sprinted there when I knew she was done to make sure she had washed her hands, thus leaving DS alone in the restaurant for 32 seconds.

I am baffled as to why an 8 year old boy needs to use the women's toilets.

So my initial feeling is that YABU.

I will now read the thread and will report if I change my mind.

Well I think having to say anything at all to a mother of an 8yo is OTT countrykitten

I am utterly baffled by some of the comments and reasoning on here.

"Why take the risk?" Well, considering most babies who die of shaken baby syndrome are killed by the father, and most boys who are victims of abuse, are molested by a relative, and you have a much higher chance of being the victim of a violent death by just being in a car, than by, err, pretty much any other situation, why would you ever:

• let your DH look after your child?
• let male relatives alone with your child?
• get in a car with your child?

For everyone quoting one instance of a child being molested in Debenhams or McDonalds, there are dozens of examples of mostly male relatives doing the same or worse. Perhaps we should all be little islands and prevent any contact between our children and the big bad world until they reach majority?

Seriously, there is a complete misunderstanding of risk levels in this country. The cotton wool approach drives me mad, as it is self perpetuating - if you are the only one to do things a certain way, you will be judged by others as a bad parent and/or assume that you are wrong, and will stop doing what is normal, and after a while no child is ever allowed to play in a park without his parents surgically attached to him. That is really sad, and I don't understand why the downside never seems to be part of the equation - the lack of independence, of executive decision-making, of responsibility - do none of these have any place at all in our society? Is there not a cost associated with learned helplessness?

I grew up in rural Canada and had unlimited freedom to roam around in the woods and do whatever from the age of 5 or 6. I have incredibly fond memories of my childhood.

If my son can't go to the toilet on his own aged 8, I will consider that I have seriously failed him.

Can't you teach your 8 year old about privacy, no one being allowed to touch, and shouting for help?

Yanbu at all - and I would have called a fucking silly bitch so in my opinion you were restrained! And ha to all the high and mighty pious comments about how wrong you were to call her names. No you were not. She should have minded her own the miserable cow!

Yanbu. No way would I let an 8yo use the men's alone. Unless he was behaving badly, which it sounds he wasn't, the other woman was being very unreasonable.

What 'baffles' you primaface? That some of us don't want to risk anything happening to our boys in the men's toilets? Things happen - they may be rare but they do (I know as there was an incident concerning a relative). It's not like the boys will see other ladies peeing if they use the women's loos. Your 'baffling' statement is way over the top.

I agree Prima. Some people seem truly unable to sensibly consider risk instead they blow things up out of proportion completly.

Primafacie YABU. There are peados everywhere you know. EVERYWHERE. Waiting for you to take your eyes off your child just for a second. ESPECIALLY in toilets. THEY LIVE THERE. STOP RISKING YOUR KIDS!

Leaving aside the risk of something indecent happening, a few posters have mentioned the possibility of their sons not being able to manage the heavy doors/locks/taps etc.

It also depends on the location of the toilets.

Yes it was lovely for you to be roaming the woods as a child, but would your parents have been so happy if the woods had the M25 running through them.

I just don't understand why an 8 year old boy in the ladies loo whilst accompanied by his mother is a problem.

Yes, gimme. Because everything you do -EVERYTHING - involves risk. Many of the things you do on a day to day basis involve more risk than leaving your son go to the toilet alone, and the risk is of more serious things happening (eg dying in a car accident). So the fixation on strangers in public toilets is both unhealthy, and deflecting attention and resources from real problems.

A number of people have mentioned Jimmy Savile - I may have missed something but I can't remember any reported instance of him abusing children in toilets? I thought his approach, which is pretty standard, was to befriend his victims or perpetrate abuse in their normal surroundings?

Happy to stand corrected if I am wrong, though I doubt it would change my views on the overall level of risk.

Dizzy

Prima

(You do know my post was a joke don't you?)

Everybody, sorry I missed the part in the OP that mentioned the M25 running in the ASDA toilets ;)

I am sadly aware that my kids won't have the same freedom as I had, but much of it is self-imposed and bears no relationship whatsoever with actual risk levels.

Also lol at any post starting with "in this day and age", it being the most peaceful and least violent age ever...

My opinion is exactly what snowyeyed said.

My 8yo old son will go on his own to the mens if I am comfortable with the surroundings but say if we had to nip into a pub or something I would take him with me into the ladies.

I just don't understand there being a problem as I said earlier considering its all cubicled.