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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

425 replies

pinkmagic1 · 20/01/2013 20:11

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 21/01/2013 10:37

I saw a full on fight in an Asda car park once between two women complete with lots of others standing around in tracksuits shouting things like: 'Fucking deck her Cheryl.'

Moominsarescary · 21/01/2013 10:39

Seems people haven't been in the sainsburys near us if they think you get a better class of people in there

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/01/2013 10:56

Not a supermarket but I was in Primark with my DD (who wears an adult size 6-8 so we were looking at things for her)
I was looking through a rail for a specific size and two women (old enough to know better, maybe 60 yo) started rifling through the same rail, pushing me aside.

F**k right off I thought.
I said "I am here y'know" - all judgey-like Hmm

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/01/2013 10:57

Not that I don't buy things for me. It's just they might have looked at the clothes (size 6) and me (size 12-14) and thought naah she's just wasting time there.
Let's shift her.

ByTheWay1 · 21/01/2013 10:58

At what age should a boy go to the Men's toilet independently ... 8, 9, 10, 12, 14 - older???? When I was young there were plenty of pervs about - but a boy over school age going into the ladies would have been teased mercilessly...

BupcakesAndCunting · 21/01/2013 11:03

Fortunately, some of us have the presence of mind not to do things we are uncomfortable with just in case a few numbskulls tease us.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/01/2013 11:13

ByTheWay - YY -
my DS asked to go by himself quite young.
We started by letting him go in soft play areas (no main doors, lots of children in and out)
Then he'd go to mens (I started with the ones where there were lots of boys there).
I would wait near the door when he was littler but he was always fairly independant.

The worst was travelling with DS and DD and not letting him go at one of the Motorway Services. Because you don't honestly know who is in there and no-one thinks "Oh that man in the black jacket has been in there a long time".
He could be hovering about, waiting.

I was warned by a local man not to let my DS go to the loo at Leeds Bus Station by himself. Don't know if anything had happened in there but luckily I had my DH and my dad around.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 21/01/2013 11:16

In this day and age, it's better to be safe than sorry. A bit of teasing bares no match to being assaulted.

Eskino · 21/01/2013 11:19

So this woman valued her "dignity" (ranting in an asda toilet kind of excludes her from being a dignified human though) above a child's safety?

Bonkers.

catkind · 21/01/2013 11:21

Woman was being v unreasonable judging, she doesn't know you or your son or why you may have chosen to take him into the ladies.
You were prob being a bit unreasonable to shout, but I've done it myself when people say judgy things and run away too fast for me to answer, so totally sympathise.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 21/01/2013 11:25

If people shall judge, then it's no wonder people shout in the spare of the moment.
People can have opinions, but they shouldn't voice them to strangers.

BupcakesAndCunting · 21/01/2013 11:30

"I saw a full on fight in an Asda car park once between two women complete with lots of others standing around in tracksuits shouting things like: 'Fucking deck her Cheryl."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I do love a good supermarket scrap! Grin

Picturesinthefirelight · 21/01/2013 13:05

I would also advise against letting a child go to the loo by themselves in Kings Cross Station. Dh was in there and saw a man relieving himself in full view of everyone at the urinals. Luckily ds hadn't give in with him. When he reported it to security they said it was a regularly occurring problem.

hrrumph · 21/01/2013 13:14

8 is a bit of a crossover age. I know mine wouldn't like to go into a public toilet on her own at age 7.

I don't really see the harm in him going in with you. In a toilet with cubicles with doors, what exactly is he going to see?

I do get a bit annoyed at the council leisure centre where people bring older boys into the female showers to use the toilet because the young girls are showering and changing in the open there and some of them find it embarrassing.

akaemmafrost · 21/01/2013 13:30

Well just back from Asda and yes we did use the toilets and yes ds (age 9) did come in with me.

No one seemed to have a problem with or maybe I just looked too rough to tangle with Smile.

countrykitten · 21/01/2013 14:58

So when exactly do you let your boys go to the loo by themselves? And I assume that this works the same way for girls when out with their fathers...does not one think it's strange for little girls to be in men's loos at the age of 9?

hoodoo12345 · 21/01/2013 15:05

My DS's are6 and 9 and some places they will use the men's but others i take them with me unless they go with DH,.
Not all men's toilets are safe places and i would rather they get a dirty look from some snotty cow who should mind her own business than take the risk.
YANBU.

countrykitten · 21/01/2013 15:25

'Snotty cow' - what a delightful turn of phrase you do have.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 21/01/2013 15:31

Well it is snotty, lbh.
What business is it of another person to judge someone elses child using a different sex toilet with their parent.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 21/01/2013 15:43

Sorry, 8 is too old to be in the ladies toilet. He's been having to go alone since he started school, he should be capable.

She shouldn't really have said anything no matter what she thought, but you definitely shouldn't have shouted, or called her names. You lose the moral high ground.

countrykitten · 21/01/2013 15:52

CAPO has pretty much summed the situation up in a nutshell.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 21/01/2013 16:02

Why is 8 too old? As said up thread, using school toilets is completely different to using public toilets designed for adults.

As for an 8 year old girl going in the gents with her dad - I don't see the problem. It's not like the dad is going to stand her in front of a urinal and encourage her to look around.

purplecushion · 21/01/2013 16:02

YADNBU in any way pinkmagic1.

My hometown has had in the past some very dodgy individuals getting up to and being convicted of things that they were doing in a toilet.

Even though them men were convicted years ago I used to take my son in to the ladies or disabled toilets till he was about 10, he does have ADHD as well.

purplecushion · 21/01/2013 16:05

Even though hes at Secondary school now I still tell him to be careful in toilets. Also my dad was approached by a man in a toilet when he was a youngster but managed to get away. I know this is going off subject, but I would be worried about letting a really young child use public toilets alone.

fourfingerkitkat · 21/01/2013 16:32

Is it right to voice your opinion to a total stranger when you know nothing of their circumstances or anything about their child ? No....

Is is really acceptable to be abusive and shout at another adult in front of your child ? No ( but it is definitely understandable in this case. Done it myself)

Hope you're taking all of the responses saying you were out of order with a pinch of salt OP (salt should be Asda Smart Price, of course !)