to ask you what you consider 'essentials'

[limon]

As long as you aren't really struggling financially, do you consider toileteries and hair cuts and clothes you don't actually need as 'essentials' that should come out of the family 'pot'.

fred Vaseline and the like aren't a moisturiser They just act as a barrier to stop moisture escaping.

Soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, occasional hair cuts are essentials. Basic clothes are essentials.

Extras like hair dyes, styling products, perfumes, additional clothes/shoes are all luxuries.

StuntGirl That's what most moisturisers do too, I've never found one that doesn't include a product that does that aswell as other things. And yes, while it doesn't penetrate the skin, it does a very good job of moisturising by preventing loss.

DH and I have a joint a/c for general household spend. This includes:
Food incl bog standard toiletries (ie.g. shower gel, shampoo)
Bills incl Mortgage
Petrol, car tax/repairs
DIY/tradesmen
Xmas Presents (not each others)
Items for DCs (clothes, shoes, hobbies, school trips etc)

We keep an equal amount of personal spends (despite DH working FT and me working PT), which includes:
Clothes, shoes and specific toiletries
Holidays
Haircuts (for me, DH has v little hair )
Hobbies
Anything else we fancy!

I can't think of many workplaces that would be ok with staff working with a sticky sheen of vaseline over their face...I'll stick to proper moisturiser thanks.

There is a world between Vaseline and £30 a pop moisturizing. I buy whatever is on offer in the sm ditto shower gel, shampoo, deorderant and razors. It adds roughly £3 to the weekly shopping.

Similarly bog standard underwear and plain t-shirts , basic work clothes and uniform for the dcs.

Anything over and above this we pay for ourselves.

we buy basic shower gel, toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo etc. from the grocery budget.
Clothes and any other toileteries come out of our personal spends as do kid's haircuts. He takes eldest to barber with him - I take younger to hairdresser.
You will never get any agreement on what is essential. Depends on people's jobs, lifestyle and the value they place on appearance.

Hair cuts no. Haven't had a haircut in 6 years, just trim it myself. OH shaves his own head and beard.

Toiletries are essential though - not the fancy schmancy face creams however!

Hair cuts essential, IMO, if you are working and have ratty hair like mine.

We don't have a 'family pot', everything just goes into one pot.

Toiletries - we use basic brand of everything.

Mind is boggling at Vaseline being used as face cream...wouldn't your hair just stick to your face?? Much better to just buy a cheap or special offer proper face cream.

Oh dear ... all our money is the family "pot" and everything comes out of it ... including my non-essential clothes, cosmetics, terrible magazine habit and sweeties. DH brings in more money than I do but we cream a lot off to savings accounts and I certainly don't spend more than I earn.

Vaseline on your face instead of moisturiser?

We're pretty skint, but you can buy real moisturiser really cheaply.

I tried cutting my own hair - it doesn't work. My hair is greying, coarse and straggly. A hairdresser mate cuts it at home for a tenner. Well worth it, IMO.

I think he is just bad with money by the sounds of it.

IMO a haircut is a pretty basic essential - nothing fancy and no colour.

We just have everything in one pot, I can't begin to work out how people do otherwise.

Interesting one...

What DH and I consider 'essential' and what comes out of the 'family pot' are two different things. The 'family pot' covers household bills, food, basic toiletries and medicines. We also have a 'house account' which covers car repairs (work cars), household items (white goods/furnishings/etc) and savings for when we replace our work cars.

Everything else is paid for by the person buying it, the children's things are bought by whoever is there at the time.

I think the thing that is essential is fairness. Where one person is earning vastly more than the other, that person is going to pay more in absolute terms. What needs to be avoided is anyone being taken advantage of/feeling as though they are being taken advantage of, hence communication is such a vital part of a good relationship.