I don't buy/use second hand, ie clothes, electricals, toys, shoes, etc (New to MN)

[HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe]

Nor have I ever. Not as a child, not as a teenager, not as an adult and now, not as a parent. If you have the money to not to need to go second hand for things, why are others so disgusted at the concept that you don't? I understand why people do it even when they don't need to, and I know there are plenty of people who don't have any other choice, but why can't people just leave me to it? It's my family, my home and my decision.

It's my mil who gets the most distressed about it. She will go on at me about it every chance she gets and I really don't understand what her problem is. I don't NEED to save that extra few hundred pounds, I don't NEED to buy toys and clothes in charity shops, I don't NEED to buy my electricals from eBay, so what is her problem?

When we started collecting things in preparation of our first child's birth, she was so weirdly mortified that dp and I were going out buying new nursery furniture and clothes, car seat, soft toys etc. She would utterly panic when we would mention that we were researching cots or buggies.

"But this person had a baby last year, you could have theirs! I'm sure they wouldn't mind! Let me get you their number..."

It got worse when dd was born she would come and thrust other peoples old baby clothes at me and continue to suggested people who had things they could give us, or come bringing baby toys from charity shops. Eventually I got so frustrated with it, I just told her outright to stop, quite forcefully actually. But it just continued a few years later when ds was born and it still continues today.

Do people really think IABU? Why? Anyone else out there like me?

Yanbu, if you have the money to buy new get it new.

I don't think that YAB totally U. Competitive thrift does seem to be the order of the day at the moment.

We buy most things new because we feel that we can afford it (and we generally spend very carefully), and because we do not have a lot of spare time to look in charity shops etc. We're more than happy to accept second hand things from friends / family / neighbours though, and we have bought some nice things from eBay. We've also sold some things on eBay, and always have a charity bag on the go as well.

Not sure I d be offering you anything other than brand spanking new things for your children op. Wouldnt want you explaining things too forcefully, not with grandfathers sword in the old house.

I tend to prefer new because

• I am the youngest of three girls and never wore anything but cast-offs when I was a child. My Mum used to buy identical dresses for my older sisters so they matched and I didn't. Then DSis1 would grow out of her dress which was passed on to DSis2, and I got DSis2's outgrown dress, so that DSis2 and I matched for a while. Then DSis2 would outgrow DSis1's old dress and I would out grow DSis2's old dress and so I would get DSis1's original dress. This whole process lasted frigging years. Add to this the fact that I was very very skinny and I even got hand me downs from my best friend's little sister as she was bigger than me. I practically never had anything new. I once, aged about 7, got a new snazzy pair of knickers from my Grandparents one Christmas and I was so thrilled I still have them!

• My Dad always bought things from boot fairs or charity shops. Clothes, glasses, spectacles, everything but underwear but I think that was more because that is not sold second hand rather than any standards on his part. He looked like Old Man Steptoe. Birthday presents, new baby presents, everything - from the boot sale, and it was all utter shite.

I know there are lots of perfectly good things that can be bought second hand. But unless I know where stuff has come from (and there is therefore that emotional connection to using something someone has passed on; bizarrely I like having cast off clothes for my DCs if they are from someone I know, I think it's lovely) I want to have stuff that I have chosen, that has only belonged to me.

And I know I am lucky to have that choice.

I dont think its that uncommon, I dont buy second hand either. I like to buy new and DS likes to choose his own clothes and loves the new Next book arriving. I do try and order in batches to save on number of delivery vehicles.

If everybody bought second hand, the economy would suffer and there would be less choice for others to buy second hand. Some people get a thrill from charity shop bargains whilst others love a sake bargain or discount code.

My little sister hated having nothing new and constantly felt second best. When i got a job around college i gave her my first months wages to go and buy herself new clothes of her own taste.

I do pass DS's things on though and do recycle everything i can so am green in other areas.

at the other end of the usuage do you pass your stuff onto charity shops and freecyle etc or car boot it?

I love it when someone doesnt care much and comes along at car boots selling fab quilaty stuf for very low prices!

Your the kind of seller i look out for!

ie ( not there to really make money back - just to off load)

YANBU. I love that there are people like you, because otherwise there wouldn't be enough second hand stuff for people like me. I love a good rummage in a charity shop.

Anyway, people buying new is good for the economy which is not healthy just now. So tell your MIL you are just trying to do your bit for the country!

I hate second hand things.

As a DC I only ever had one new coat. I felt like a second class citizen. All my clothes were from jumble sales.

I love buying exactly what I want from where ever I want.

My MIL was always trying to get me to have second hand things, she comes from a generation that had to be very careful with money.

If I am ever financially in the position I need to then I will, but given the choice I wont.

some cultures believe that there is always a residual essence left on the object by the previous owner.....Superstitious old thing here.(sorry,terrible grammar,English not 1st language)

Hmmm. I think that you are being very rude to your MIL who may well be from a generation that had to scrimp and save much more than you clearly do - she is trying to do good things and you have had a go at her. Not good and not displaying any graciousness at all. This is a shame.

I am intrigued - is your house a new build? Are your cars always brand, spanking new? Do you understand about the limited resources we have on the planet?

I do not understand your aversion to second hand things at all - you are in a different mind set to me completely. We live in a 16th century house and cannot furnish it with 'new' things and trawl antiques markets for bits and pieces which suit the house - I actually love the fact that the house and the things in it have a past and a few stories to tell!

I buy second hand clothes too - not always though - and love second hand bookshops and will gratefully accept clothes/toys for the children from my SIL/DS. We don't need to do this - but why wouldn't you? I wonder if you are a little bit insecure maybe about people thinking that you are poor and not as rich as you seem to say you are?

For years, I didn't buy new clothes because my XH was mean with money for that sort of thing. I was a SAHM so had no income of my own and had to put up with it. I did ask him once why he could have new clothes and I couldn't. His answer was, "Because I go to work." I've never forgotten that but became used to the 'second hand' life. Even my DCs had second hand clothes or I made them out of full skirted dresses from jumble sales. I've even got a photograph of them wearing pyjamas that I'd made out of a frock!

Several decades later a couple of friends took me in hand and marched me to the shops where I bought, yes, I bought some lovely things and now I do buy new clothes with the odd second hand designer garment thrown in.

I'm one of those who doesn't waste anything. For instance, the wrapping paper round a ream of A4 paper can be used inside out to wrap a parcel for posting.

I don't see why the OP should have to be grateful to a mil who ignores her wishes and imposes her own pov on the OP. This wouldn't be an issue if the mil would just respect what the OP has said and not constantly try to override her wishes. As for mil offering other people's belongings, how rude is that? Second hand is fine if thats what you want but equally there is nothing wrong with buying new.

I can afford new but would always rather get a second hand bargain and spend the money saved on Legoland Q-Bots (for example) or the occasional taxi - something where I'll really see the benefit of the cash in terms of making my life easier. But if you choose different, and don't enjoy the thrill of the chase, then YANBU.

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare.

OP

You mean you had to buy your own furniture?

I don't hate you OP. I like people like you who buy new and then donate to charity when they have finished with it. I like finding your cast off treasure in charity shops. More power to your elbow, as they say.

I think you MIL sounds sweet but she just doesn't comprehend your POV. Maybe you can redistribute the gifts to other friends who don't mind second hand? I wouldn't hurt her feelings.

My babies all had new too, even the third daughter had mostly her own clothes and nobody seemed to mind or comment.

I think it's a generational thing from when they had no choice but to mend and make do and all that.

I am quite loaded and buy a huge amount of second hand. I think people oten worry what other people think about their status if they buy second hand... Two people I can think of right now have sod all money and will never have anything unless it is expensive and new, especially for their children. Daft as arses to have a problem with this sort of thing.

I actually don't give a flying fuck about whether you do or don't want secondhand stuff.
Do you know how rich people stay rich? it's because they never spend any money on new stuff that's my theory anyway

genuine question - if everyone buys second hand stuff - where does the second hand stuff come from?

Muppets like the ones that pansy describes!

I think there is a bit of a class issue here too - I work in an indie school with some very well to do pupils and many of them have second hand uniforms and holes in their socks and it is not a problem at all - no one bats an eyelid. Flash and new is not considered to be better and second hand is certainly not seen as shameful - rather it is seen as pragmatic and sensible. I have worked in much more working class schools and everything has to be new and not only that it has to be the best and most expensive. I think it's to do with insecurity and status maybe.

Curious to know OP, if you got given a gift from a friend would your dislike of owning second hand stuff mean you'd ask them whether it was second hand? And if they said yes would you get rid of it?

The OP is a bit judgy, but I think I get where she's coming from.

I don't look for second hand stuff to buy as I don't need to save money to that extent.

That certainly doesn't mean that both DDs haven't had lots of second hand clothes and lovely cribs lent to me by a DF. Returned and used by two more DCs.

Lots of small baby stuff is out grown long before it's worn out. Regardless of income not reusing it is just daft.

DDs have given a huge box of duplo to their god mothers DS. It's doesn't wear out.

Sometimes, second hand is amazingly useful. The DDs have a huge stack of secondhand happy street track, that was bought on EBay.

ELC stopped doing track and, being older they didn't want buildings they just wanted to do complex streets.

Very many people do the same to extend the life of brio. Lots of track means older DC will build layouts for years.

Crap DS games that are finished in two days may as well be second hand too

I have inherited some very old things, and have been given some very old things in the past. Swords, coins, old documents, etc

Swords? Swords? Swords?