I don't buy/use second hand, ie clothes, electricals, toys, shoes, etc (New to MN)

[HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe]

Nor have I ever. Not as a child, not as a teenager, not as an adult and now, not as a parent. If you have the money to not to need to go second hand for things, why are others so disgusted at the concept that you don't? I understand why people do it even when they don't need to, and I know there are plenty of people who don't have any other choice, but why can't people just leave me to it? It's my family, my home and my decision.

It's my mil who gets the most distressed about it. She will go on at me about it every chance she gets and I really don't understand what her problem is. I don't NEED to save that extra few hundred pounds, I don't NEED to buy toys and clothes in charity shops, I don't NEED to buy my electricals from eBay, so what is her problem?

When we started collecting things in preparation of our first child's birth, she was so weirdly mortified that dp and I were going out buying new nursery furniture and clothes, car seat, soft toys etc. She would utterly panic when we would mention that we were researching cots or buggies.

"But this person had a baby last year, you could have theirs! I'm sure they wouldn't mind! Let me get you their number..."

It got worse when dd was born she would come and thrust other peoples old baby clothes at me and continue to suggested people who had things they could give us, or come bringing baby toys from charity shops. Eventually I got so frustrated with it, I just told her outright to stop, quite forcefully actually. But it just continued a few years later when ds was born and it still continues today.

Do people really think IABU? Why? Anyone else out there like me?

[exoticfruits]

YABU -a baby doesn't care what it has so it is one time that you can get away with all second hand-items are generally nearly new anyway-and save money for when you really need it. I can't see the point of throwing money away.

[Mother2many]

dreamofwhitehorses: love your thoughts on that too, however, if OP has never been in a 2nd store or even thought of reusing, recyling items, she won't understand at all... To some, buy what you want, and then decide later what will happen to it...

[LittleBearPad]

mother2many did you ask if a stroller was needed or what kind of stroller was wanted before giving it to your DIL? If yes then you are right that it was a shame it wasn't used but if you didn't ask then maybe your DIL wanted a different type etc.

[LittleBearPad]

Or didn't need a stroller at all

[TandB]

Do what you like. No-one will care whether your things are new or secondhand, as long as you don't go around saying "eeeew, I can't believe you buy other people's horrible used stuff" or "get you with your fancy new stuff - too good for the charity shop, are you?"

We are comfortable financially, but we are choosing to put a lot of our income into the house - mortgage and gradually doing it up. So we don't have money to burn. We buy some new and some secondhand things. The furniture is a mixture of new and old - I bought some good, solid but outdated stuff from the British Heart Foundation shop and sanded and painted it - I now have lovely furniture, the exact colour I want it, with pretty handles and locks, for hardly any money.

I buy a mix of new and secondhand clothes for myself - lots of White Stuff things off ebay for example, and almost all the DSs' clothes are secondhand - you can get absolutely beautiful things at NCT sales and on ebay, for a fraction of what they would cost new, and most of them have barely been worn.

I don't see the point of spending vast amounts for the sake of it. Small children go through clothes fast, so it makes sense to spend as little as possible on them. There's always something to spend money on - very few people are so spectacularly wealthy that they literally never think about the price of anything. Anything that you can save on stuff that doesn't need to be brand new and perfect is money that you can spend elsewhere.

I reckon I've saved hundreds and hundreds of pounds using NCT sales - money that we can use elsewhere on things that benefit all of us more than a brand new 12-18 month t-shirt that will be outgrown in a couple of months.

But it's entirely up to you - if you want to buy new, then buy new. But no need to make it into some major lifestyle choice and feel like some sort of persecuted minority! But you might want to think about how you make your MIL feel by rejecting gifts because they are second-hand. Fair enough to say you don't need her to source things for you from her friends, and that you want to buy new, but it's a bit much, in my opinion, to tell her that a gift isn't acceptable because it's second-hand. Why not just take it, say thank you and put it to one side if you really can't bear to use it?

[TandB]

There's also the fact that, no matter how well-off you are, some things are just so extortionately expensive for what they are that it is incredibly difficult to justify the spend.

I love Jojomamanbebe's baby leggings for example - hardly anywhere does leggings and they are all cute and stripy and soft. But they are insanely expensive. I got a pair as a gift when DS1 was tiny, and then I found some at an NCT sale for £3 for 3 pairs and another couple of pairs on ebay for about £5. I loved them, but I wouldn't have spent £30 on them because it just seemed such a disproportionate amount of money.

[Glossynotflossy]

I like new stuff but i grew up with second hand stuff like jumpers and brownie uniforms and see nothing wrong with both.

I am quite jealous of people who can put things together from charity shops and love ome of my charity shop buys.

[Glossynotflossy]

Its also very green to buy second hand and would prefer to spend three quid on somethinh from a charity shop than say primark

[gail734]

It's very personal - I've never found second hand disgusting, but I have a close friend who, when she heard that my jacket was "vintage", looked like she was about to hurl! (After I'd explained what "vintage" actually meant, lol!) I recently surpassed myself by buying a second hand bed off Gumtree, but I had to pretend to my husband that it was new. The fact that he believed me shows how new it appears. I'm not skint, but I love a bargain. However, I draw the line at my baby. Beautiful new baby = beautiful new stuff. The amount of bobbly old clothes, stinky old bouncy chairs and other old shite that people gave me as my pregnancy progressed was quite amazing! I thanked the donors and then literally went straight to the charity shop, or on one occasion, the dump. OP, your MIL sounds like a pain, but maybe she grew up very poor?

[MrsOakenshield]

haven't read the whole thing but tbh, OP, you just sound like a snob - secondhand is fine as long as it means an period house, or an antique, or inherited, but not otherwise. But at least you haven't referred to secondhand stuff as vintage so I'll let you off.

[bevelino]

OP you are fortunate not to have to buy any items second hand and good luck to you. However you know full well that a lot of people buy/or are given second hand items and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you are given second hand items but don't want them take to them to a charity shop rather than complain.

[Aspiemum2]

I'm a bargain lover, I'm not going to fork out full whack if I don't have to regardless of if I can afford it or not. I shop in sales, on eBay or gumtree. I use vouchers, codes and coupons.
I'll save up rather than lose money on interest payments.

I struggle to see the point in spending hundreds unnecessarily. Eg when pg with the twins I spent £80 on 2 second hand cot beds that retail at nearer £300 each new. I bought the mattresses brand new as a safety issue but still saved myself hundreds. And yes they wear hand me downs, why on earth not?

My sofas were free from someone who replaces hers more often that I replace my toilet roll!

I prefer sturdy furniture from charity barns over mdf crap from b&q.

I don't judge people who buy new but I think they're mad!

[fishandlilacs]

Sorry OP couldn't hear you properly with that silver spoon in your mouth

[scottishmummy]

what a daft put down,suppose you too busy toiling all dem hours seeing you so put upon
whilst lady la-di-dah op acts like profligate spender you been working downt 'pit.
good job you eked enough money to go online not so poor that you not got pc?

[DoodlesNoodles]

I prefer to buy new things and would rather something new from a cheap shop than something branded from a charity shop. There is nothing snobby about it at all, it is just what I prefer.
People spend £100s on fancy second hand prams even though you can buy perfectly good new ones for less money. Buying new isn't nessecerily about status or having cash to splash about.
Now, if you looked down on people who bought second hand then that would be wrong and snotty but the OP hasn't done that. She has just said she prefers to buy new. Which is what I prefer too.
I don't get the nasty comments made by some posters.

[Fabsmum]

OP - lucky you to be well-off enough to have a university fund for your child, no mortgage, no debt and a good pension and not to need to buy second hand.

But if you DON'T have a university fund, savings, a decent pension, and you are paying hundreds of pounds a month on mortgage interest, then why the buggery bollocks don't you buy some second hand stuff and put the money you save into saving for your/your child's future?

[BegoniaBampot]

you'd think by these comments that no one bought new. I'd imagine the majority of folk do buy new and most folk would prefer to. why is the op being made out to be strange or unusual or living a weirdly lavish lifestyle.

[Mother2many]

Stroller: was just one of many things I initially bought my grandson that were turned away. Right now, there are 3 strollers, in the shed, as I'm not the only one that bought him a "used stroller!"

Begonia: It doesn't matter she herself chooses to go out and buy new stuff. That's great if she can.. for me, its other people...such as her MIL... So, the world has to buy new things for her and her family because she refuses to accept something used??

[countrykitten]

Very good point about buying quality secondhand over cheap crap new stuff. This very much applies to furniture such as my bed which is 150 years old, solid oak and will long outlive me! Same applies to my sofas (ebay!) and our lovely old oak dining table. To get furniture of this quality brand new is very expensive and I have never seen any I like in any case so I no longer look at new stuff. I don't want cheap crap from Dfs or wherever which will fall to bits in a month -and is ugly to boot- so I buy beautiful second hand stuff which has a history.

But as others have said - each to their own. I expect people feel differently when it comes to things for children which I can kind of understand but I still don't like the OP's rudeness to her MIL.

[BlackBagBorderBinLiner]

My wealthy PIL devote huge amounts of time and money to shopping. They would argue that they are thrifty, but the imperfect but 'bargain' goods are always coming and going. Their house is cluttered with stuff that was only £4 plus £25 postage and £90 for a new bit. They love the thrill of the chase only to replace it all next year. The spare bed settee has been replaced three times in six years all uncomfortable £150 a go plus van hire. Why not research and buy one you really like for £500 and keep the bloody thing.

They see me as profligate and a bit hoity toity. For example my DDs have two small drawers of clothes each. So only one party dress, two jumpers, three pairs of trousers,etc. I buy it new, with room to grow into twice a year during the online sales. I only buy stuff in colours that suit them. Job done, spend the weekend at the beach.

My PIL just can't understand why I don't 'pop' in the charity shops every weekend, 'iI miss out on all the bargains'. SIL bears the brunt of their purchases and is presented with three snowsuits in August, worn out, weird sizes and cuts, ideal for a long body/short arms, wider waist/knuckle dragger.

You are not alone. My PIL are n't thinking of what we need, they just love to shop, fill time and we're an excuse.

[BegoniaBampot]

mothertomany - yes they do buy new if the op doesn't want second hand stuff, especially if she doesn't know where it's come from. sure that the op doesn't expect people to buy her anything but shouldn't have to accept stuff she doesn't want and hasn't asked for if they know how she feels about it.

[countrykitten]

She should not refuse gifts - that is terribly rude. Give it away, whatever, but do not refuse it to the MIL's face and then even have a go at the poor woman!

[BrandyAlexander]

My mother is a bit like this - has a near heart attack if I buy anything new, or spend more than she would on an item. While occasionally annoying, she isn't being mean, she is just trying to helpful and worrying on my behalf. Probably just like your mil OP. You sound like you have been quite hurtful to her.

[lovelyladuree]

Stealth boast

[BegoniaBampot]

No, people shouldn't give people second hand gifts unless they know that the person will appreciate them and have had the conversation. Total waste of time and money otherwise.