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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE my husband's thick orange beard???

132 replies

SplitHeadGirl · 19/01/2013 19:44

My husband has grown a really thick beard that covers half his face and completely covers his mouth. He has gone from being gorgeous (like a young Richard Armitage) to looking like a scruffy, unkempt pensioner who has had a really hard life!

I told him weeks ago (stubble stage) that as it was his face, he could of course grow a beard, whatever he wanted and I would support him. BUT....I hadn't counted on how it has affected my physical feelings about him. I find him unattractive and strange to look at, like I don't know him. :( I miss the face I fell in love with.

He is a lot grumpier now too and as he now looks older he has started to ACT older and I wonder if losing his young looks (he could easily get them back if he shaved that damn thing off his face) has made him lose his young personality.

I am cross with myself as I KNOW it is just facial hair and I would hate it if he didn't find me attractive anymore for some stupid physical reason. He has even joined a beard forum (a beard board) where he and a bunch of other guys post pics of themselves and support and encourage each other's beard growth!!!!

Shouldn't I just get over it??? I feel like I am being unreasonable...but I hate that I can't see his beautiful face anymore and that he has changed so much and I hate that I don't find him attractive like this.:(

OP posts:
Lavenderhoney · 20/01/2013 09:48

Really he goes on beard forums? I never knew there was such a thing! Much sympathy as I don't mind a bit of stubble but not beardy and long plus the stroking thing would make me cringe. Dh has to shave as the dc won't kiss him otherwise and any bedroom activity is a distant memory.

How orange is it? I don't know what to suggest. Could he shave it off for charity? Have you lo that might get nits and they get in his beard?

Idreamofafullnightssleep · 20/01/2013 09:49

I refuse to go anywhere near my Dh when he has a clean shave! When I kiss him it feels like I am having an affair and all wrong! I love his stubble and it suits him.

We came to an agreement he keeps his goatee and I keep my hair long (not a problem for me as I look hideous with short hair).

ppeatfruit · 20/01/2013 10:13

I remember when DH grew his beard it was to hide his double chin!!!! he thinks no one notices it but it is less obvious thoughGrin The beard IS kept carefully trimmed and short and suits him. I'm used to it!!!

But big, long, red and bushy NOOOO Shock YADNBU

Pan · 20/01/2013 10:18

Ginger beard = red flag. Every time.

Leave the bastard.

pictish · 20/01/2013 10:21

I love my dh's beard!! It's all grizzly and phoooowaaaarrrr!!!

YABU!

Pan · 20/01/2013 10:23

PanMNHQ

We'll be shortly moving this thread to the Bullying section. Peace and love.

ppeatfruit · 20/01/2013 10:27

I'm not being gingist I'd hate any long, bushy unkempt beard whatever colour Grin

TheRatsTheRats · 20/01/2013 10:32

I LOVES it!!

So much softer, no scratching. Awesome :D

moondog · 20/01/2013 10:38

Ah Quote,I am laughing so hard that my dh (now beardless thanks to my prolonged jiggery pokery protest boycott) is asking what I am reading and he is two rooms away.

Split, one sees an awful lot of orange beards in Muslim countries. When the chaps have been to Mecca they often colour them to signal this pilgrimage has been completed.

Pan · 20/01/2013 10:45
. And this is dedicated to the OP.
moondog · 20/01/2013 10:46

at Pan.
God, you don't have a beard do you?

McNewPants2013 · 20/01/2013 10:57

I hate it when DH is not shaven, he looks like a HoBo.

sparklekitty · 20/01/2013 11:21

I generally hate beards, however, my dh grew one a few years ago as part of movember and I realised he looks hot with facial hair. His mum hate it and makes comments whenever we see her.

He has to keep it tidy and not too long coz of his job but I think it makes him look even more handsome. Facial hair doesnt suit everyone though

ChouetteMouette · 20/01/2013 11:43

I love my DH's beard...and hate it when he shaves it off! I tend to find men more attractive if they have a beard or stubble.

hoarseoldfrog · 20/01/2013 11:50

I am a beard enthusiast. OH shaved his off for Movember and I couldn't even look him in the face or kiss him, was like having a stranger in the house. It has stayed since whoop whoop!

Pan · 20/01/2013 11:58

moondog - no I don't but I see where the attraction thing comes from - 20 to 30 yrs was quite the hirsute - but on separation from a 'difficult' relationship, I shaved it off, which she said helped her as I looked so different to the chap she knew. Clean ever since.

PessaryPam · 20/01/2013 12:15

I loathe beards and I really feel for the OP.

Always makes me think of this chap and his like.
i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01366/anjem-choudary_1366606f.jpg

racingheart · 20/01/2013 12:38

Op - tell him. Just as he has the right to grow whatever he wants on his face, he also has the right to know what turns his wife on and off. Just tell him you find beards physically and sexually repulsive, and though it's his right to have one, it's your right to be turned on and off by whatever works for you.

Personally, they're a massive turn off. All the men in my dad's generation in our family have them, so I associate them with old blokes with fixed ideas.

Smellslikecatspee · 20/01/2013 12:57

Another beard lover here.

OH has just shaved his off and I hate it, so I do get where you're coming from. It does make a big difference.

Talk to him

Slubberdegullion · 20/01/2013 13:26

Aw OP, I feel for you. Beards are the marmite of the follicle world. Maybe you need to give it more time to make friends with the beard, you know like kids with food phobias. Take it on a picnic, spread jam on it, sniff it and feel it.

I'm in the beard camp myself (lover-of not owner-of). Could never go back to a smooth man. Beards add another element to fun-on-your-husbands-face. Love a nice big thick beard.

Slubberdegullion · 20/01/2013 13:28

Fun-on-your-husband's-apostrophe-s-face that should be.

I do not have a cohort of bearded husbands, more's the pity.

LittleAbruzzenBear · 20/01/2013 14:05

I don't know about beards, I was clicking on guilty food pleasures and ended up here. Beards are not my guilty food pleasure, that would be weird and wrong.

megglevache · 20/01/2013 14:10

This is a strange one for me. When I was younger I went out with a very hot boy who was in a rock group and his stubbly effort was divine...I have a thing for men with nice beards actually and admire them greatly (Brad Pitt's overgrow nasty I don't like but when men are starting to go a bit grey and grow out stubble Matt LeBlanc, George Clooney etc...phrooooar

OTOH if my dh grew one I'd run a mile.....his movember almost flayed 20 layers of skin off my face.....you could knit with a strand of his beard hair...no/no/no....and if I grew my hair on my legs and he told me he fancied me better smooth I'd shave.

Splitheadgirl, I misread the guy who you said your dh resembled and Googled john armitage instead of Richard....hahahahahaha- please do the same, you may look at your bearded dh in a different light!

megglevache · 20/01/2013 14:13

SHG's dh now

Bue · 20/01/2013 14:28

You need to talk to him OP. I love beards and I HATE it when DH decides to go clean shaven. It actually gives me the creeps, he becomes like a different person that I don't know and I can't even stand him kissing me - I feel like I'm kissing a woman! When I raised this the first few times he was really upset - told me I wanted him to be a different person and I didn't like his face and I wanted him to hide half of it Confused, which in turn upset me. But he has now 'gotten' it. This isn't really something you can easily get over, so you need to explain it to him!

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