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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say how much I admire lone parents.

80 replies

Geekster · 16/01/2013 23:17

This last couple of weeks I have been on my own with my ten month old DD, as DH been away with work Sun-Fri. Luckily DD has been happy and slept well. Even so it feels like a lot of responsibility when I'm on my own with her. If she had been ill, or I had been ill it would have been hard. It makes me admire those parents who have no choice to be lone parents.

OP posts:

CremeEggThief · 17/01/2013 20:48

Thank you, OP. I didn't take it as patronising at all.

BabiesNeedInstructions · 17/01/2013 21:11

I always wonder how lone parents do it too, especially with babies and disrupted nights. Huge respect to you all! I know you do what you have to, but hats off to you.

jan2013 · 17/01/2013 21:16

thanks i didn't find it patronising its nice that someone recognises how hard it is.... but yes it is harder in many (but different ways) being with an unhelpful partner. my dd is 16 months and im finding dealing with everything with constant lack of sleep really difficult, i think other parents must cope so much better than i do.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 17/01/2013 21:21

I know exactly what the OP means! I've got three DC's and my DH is away working for a couple of months.

I can't believe I used to grumble about him not doing enough around the house! I was crazy to think that!

KatyTheCleaningLady · 17/01/2013 21:24

Oh, and I forgot to say:

I have definitely wondered "how to single mums cope???" At least I have my inlaws nearby and at least I know this is only temporary. But, it's been a real eye-opener.

KellyElly · 17/01/2013 21:35

Thank u :) It's bloody hard x

YeahBuddy · 17/01/2013 21:45

I don't know about anybody else but having never known any different, I don't mind being a lone parent. It's hard, don't get me wrong - 14mo twins are hard work no matter how many adults there are. I do wish that someone else could do something sometimes, like change their nappies or let me have a hot cup of tea. But it gets to the evening and I get the TV to myself and I don't have to talk to anyone and I think 'yeah actually this is alright'

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 17/01/2013 22:00

Thanks OP .

I've been on my own since I was 4 months pregnant - DS is now 6.5. His 'dad' chose not to be involved, doesn't pay maintenance and doesn't give a shit. It's hard juggling child, home and work on your own without ever getting much of a break - all it takes is a bout of illness (me or DS) and all the balls drop, so to speak .

It's very, very rare that anyone says I'm doing a good job. Maybe I make it look too easy! It's nice to hear anyway. Here's to all LPs .

Mybumissquidgy · 17/01/2013 22:08

I've got to say I've been a LP since dd was 8 months old and I am in awe of those of you who did it from birth or even before. I struggled a lot back then even with a (somewhat useless but a little bit supportive) partner and don't think I could have coped back then alone.

Shakey1500 · 17/01/2013 22:18

Hear hear. I absolutely take my (hopefully non-patronising!) hat off to any lone parent. I experienced a smattering of what it would be like when DH worked away 6 days on, 4 days off. Never again will I take for granted being able to just have a bath on my own, or simple tasks without having eyes in the back of my head, 24/7.

and to you all.

thunksheadontable · 17/01/2013 22:22

I dunno. I don't really admire lone parents unless they are doing a decent job and who knows that from the outside? My mother and aunt SUCKED at it. There will be amazing lone parents out there, and amazing nuclear families, families with gay parents, families with disabled parents/children or both. Some will be sucky. Some will be admirable.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 17/01/2013 22:28

Don't worry Thunk, I'm doing a brilliant job, and I'm definitely admirable.

Btw, are you American? Just asking as 'sucky' isn't so something you hear every day in these parts.

havingastress · 17/01/2013 22:29

Oh I"m totally in awe.

I was feeling a little sorry for myself the other day on my walk. We live in a top floor flat (3 flights of stairs up, no lift!) and baby was crying screamingand had been for the last hour. I'd managed to get her into her snowsuit, down to the car, and fannied about with the pram etc, got her in, and off I went. Was still a little stressed when the bus stopped, and off came a woman, on her own, with a toddler AND twins - a double buggy, just omg.

Obviously, I don't know if she was a lone parent, but she was managing a damn sight better than me, and made me feel somewhat inadequate!

I do manage on my own all day because of DH's weird work shifts, but at least i know he's coming back at some point so I can somewhat of a rest.

Lone parents - seriously, you have my respect.

queencat · 17/01/2013 22:47

I think I'm doing a terrible job at it I've got 3 who are 10, 7 and 5, my middle one has ADHD and ASD. I'm working loads of hours and never have any cash. Can one of you fellow single mums come and show me how it's done? Am crumbling here!

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2013 22:53

Parenting is a difficult job...sometimes it can be far worse to be a parent living with/married to a total twat.

I admire all good parents no matter whether they're single or not.

I can't wait to be a gran just so I can say 'I told you so'

thunksheadontable · 17/01/2013 22:56

That's good to know Softkitty!Iremember my father and his wife having a friend to stay who was a lone parent and being amazed at how steady and calm she seemed to be, how her son always had his teeth brushed and hair combed and how she could speak without shrieking. All of which my poor mum struggled with. I think I would be a terrible single mother. I find it hard enough to be one even with a supportive partner who is a great dad.

Not American but have been immersed in, erm, "American culture" aka trashy rom coms all day which has perhaps impacted on my vocabulary choices this evening

KhallDrogo · 17/01/2013 23:01

ive come to this thread late, but can i just rewind to something nina said on page 1....

the hardest part of being a SP is definitely bonfire night; I seriously singed my poor thumb lighting rockets!

haha...it is a climb, but a whooooole lot easier than having a less than satisfactory partner

2beornot · 18/01/2013 07:59

I never realised how hard it is for LP until I became a parent myself. Bit the doing as such, but I found the decision making hard. Having all that responsibility on your shoulders must sometimes get wearing. Like when they're ill, should I phone docs at night or not. Or a friends did was having trouble adjusting to her new secondary school as her friends had gone to a different one and would often phone him at work crying her eyes out. I think it would've been nicer if he had someone else to make the decision with!!

LuluMai · 18/01/2013 08:09

Thank you, and it's something a lot of my friends say, but really it's just a case of necessity. People say they couldn't cope, but they probably would, because what's the alternative? Let your kids go into care?

I've never known it any other way, spent pregnancy alone. Never been with ds's dad, he wanted it but he's a complete dick and I had to cut him off when DS was a baby. Never had a penny off him. I've always worked full time or part time, mostly full time. I don't have a lot in common with a lot of people, even with the single mum divorcees who get maintenance and their dads look after them every weekend. DS is with me all the time. But I sometimes think I have it slightly easier than women who have divorced/split up and have to get used to being LPs when the kids are older- I have never known it any other way.

Eliza22 · 18/01/2013 08:30

Bless you.... It IS hard. I was a single mum when my ds was aged 4 and DH decided that being married wasn't for him and being a part time, every other weekend dad would give him more time to train for his Triathalons

I was on my own for 4 years. I always used to feel that "alone-ness" most, when ds was ill. Even if it was just a cold, there was no one else to say "it's just a cold, he'll be better in the morning". I'd moved bloody miles away from family too, TO ACCOMMODATE EX HUSBAND's JOB!!

I've remarried now and ironically spend a lot of time on my own with ds, now 12, as THIS DH works away a lot. This week Turkey, next week Netherlands but he's always THERE as it were. I'm very lucky, being married to a lovely "grown up" man

Eliza22 · 18/01/2013 08:32

Oh, and single dad's too! Lets not forget THEM,

CrunchyFrog · 18/01/2013 08:49

I really admire people who can cope in relationships. I don't know how you do it, I was married once and it was a nightmare! Being single is so much easier. I can keep up my hobbies, don't have to take responsibility for a man-child - the sense of freedom far outweighs the broken nights.

Single mum to 3 for 3.5 years now, it just keeps getting better! evangalises

Yfronts · 18/01/2013 09:01

I with geekstar. My DH is away for a week here or there and works long hours when here.

AmIthatWintry · 18/01/2013 09:04

Crunchy. How do you manage hobbies with 3 children? Are they older or does your ex do his share of child are?

AmIthatWintry · 18/01/2013 09:05

care ....... Not are

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