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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say how much I admire lone parents.

80 replies

Geekster · 16/01/2013 23:17

This last couple of weeks I have been on my own with my ten month old DD, as DH been away with work Sun-Fri. Luckily DD has been happy and slept well. Even so it feels like a lot of responsibility when I'm on my own with her. If she had been ill, or I had been ill it would have been hard. It makes me admire those parents who have no choice to be lone parents.

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 17/01/2013 00:11

Twelve, I'll take my three year old and handful of conditions over two poorly toddlers any day

Oooh yes, the not having to speak to anyone after 8pm is just sheer bliss sometimes.

I also love how I can let the days revolve around DS and I, and what we want to do. We don't have to consult anyone else. That's awesome.

DS does occasionally get thrown at anyone friends or family so I can scream into a pillow for twenty minutes, but think that comes with the territory of motherhood Wink

KnightBusRider · 17/01/2013 00:18

Thanks Grin

I've been doing it since dd was teeny, she is nearly 3 now Shock

You know what though...Its great. It really is, I feel so bloody lucky that its just me and her. Our hearts beat to the same drum. I get to go to our big bed with her at early o clock every night and just cuddle her as long as I want, I have nobody else to have to think about or please. Its bliss.

CaseyShraeger · 17/01/2013 00:19

My great-aunt was a lone parent (unmarried, child's father not involved at all) in the 1950s and I admire her tremendously for that. It wasn't at all an easy option to choose in those days, quite apart from the stresses that any lone parent at any period in history will face.

mcmooncup · 17/01/2013 00:25

I find it easier

But I was married to a cock, who made everything hard

RandallPinkFloyd · 17/01/2013 00:30

Thank you op it's thoughtful of you to take to time to say so.

I met with a friend of my sister's at the weekend with her 4mo and after she'd gone all I could think was 'Blimey, I've been on my own since DS that age'.

It seemed surreal. He's 18mo now and although it's still hard some days most of the time we bumble along fine. He's the funniest, happiest child I've ever known (admittedly I may be a teeny bit biased) and he's just wonderful.

The 4mo looked so tiny and dependant though, the thought of being completely alone with a baby that small 24hrs a day terrified me.

Yet I did it. On my own. And just for once I let myself fee a little bit proud.

Booyhoo · 17/01/2013 00:31

ooh thank you. i dont feel patronised.

some bits are harder alone. some bits are easier.

i find the lonliness the hardest and lack of freedom WRT taking up a hobby out of the house or having a night out with friends.

the good bits are total control of tv (after 7pm) and no-one tutting and rolling their eyes if i have a packet of crisps or dont fancy making proper dinner just having pizza instead.

WhyDoesMyMamLiveInMyMirror · 17/01/2013 00:40

We've been doing this for 6 years now, since DD was 4 weeks old and I really can't imagine how someone else could have enhanced our lives.

I could live without the daily interference of homework and spelling but generally we have a blast!
I work nights and my DM is a godsend for looking after DD while I'm at work but she also knows that when she needs me, I'm always there. (2 months of almost 24hr care when she broke her hip and leg over Christmas!)
Ok, so the loft things a pain but all in all I'm a firm believer in the idea that you don't know what you're capable of until you do it and I make it a point never to let a box beat me Grin
It's nice to know that someone thinks favourably about us and I will now eat a Christmas choccie in your honour Geekster Wink

suburbophobe · 17/01/2013 00:56

o.k. try being a LP AS WELL AS taking care of aging parents - cancer, dementia

My reality.

Yes, I ask myself that too, thing is, you just get on with it because what else can you do really?....

It's that awful cliche about life gives you lemons so what else is there to do but make lemonade.... Smile

PariahHairy · 17/01/2013 01:40

I have admiration too, I have 3dc and dp, we are basically on our own and he does do a lot of the childcare. I would try to cope without him, but it would be mega tough.

Everyone's situation is different though isn't it, with 1 child or even my 3, with a lot of friend or family support, my/our life would be a lot different. We have zilchio support, even if I still had my Mum, it would be easier to be a single parent, not in a physical way but a moral support kind of way.

My worst nightmare is dp dying because my sisters are a long way away and fairly self involved anyway.

It would just be me, every little thing down to me and me alone (aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhh) I'm not entirely sure they wouldn't end up in care tbhSad.

WhyDoesMyMamLiveInMyMirror · 17/01/2013 01:55

Pariah I think you'd be shocked by how well you'd adjust if the worst ever happened. (God forbid!)
Nothing's ever better or worse really, it's just different and while I couldn't imagine sharing the day to day routine with someone else, I'm sure I'd adjust if I had to - it's just different. Not better or worse, just different.
To be honest though, have you ever loitered on the Relationships thread? I'm absolutely over the moon I'm not in a relationship, they seem to be really bad for your healthGrin

wannabedomesticgoddess · 17/01/2013 01:57

I was a LP for 2 years. I miss the freedom but then I wasnt really free. I miss the alone time but then I felt lonely.

All I know is that it was hard. Maybe not the day to day things, but the fact that I was solely responsible. There was no one to turn to. No one to shoulder some of the worry about money or help make decisions.

I honestly think LPs arent given enough credit!

RandallPinkFloyd · 17/01/2013 18:22

Support really does make a massive difference.

I don't have any family support unfortunately but I have wonderful friends. They're not the babysitting or asking baby advice from kind of friends as none of them have kids of their own but just having them around is hugely important to me.

I don't have any child care other than stbXh and he sees it as doing me a huge favour just looking after DS while I'm in work 2 days a week so it's just me and DS pretty much all the time.

It can be overwhelming at times but on the whole we make a good team. It's like we speak our own little language!

Molepom · 17/01/2013 18:29

Thank you.

manticlimactic · 17/01/2013 18:44
Meglet · 17/01/2013 18:47

Thank you, it's bloody hard work!

Never got easier in the 4yrs I've been doing it either.

MissAnnersley · 17/01/2013 18:50

Thanks.

Most of the time I enjoy and am very, very glad not to be in a crappy relationship any more.

Tonight I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed as I've not been sleeping so am very, very tired and still have my housework to do.

gordyslovesheep · 17/01/2013 18:59

second the spider thing!

the hardest are the evenings - smalls in bed - all alone again watching TV

It's nice to be acknowledged but I don't view single parenthood as anything special - or harder

I found being lonely in my marriage much more difficult

I have a great access arrangement that mans I get Sat night and Sunday all to my self - which is nice

BumpingFuglies · 17/01/2013 19:00

What a nice thread OP Smile

sarahseashell · 17/01/2013 19:32

thanks OP, much appreciated Smile

it has its tough moments tbh, yes especially not being able to pop out for chocolate essentials and when one of us is ill. I'm very grateful for my lovely dcs but with no family around any praise or recognition is most welcome!

cardibach · 17/01/2013 19:36

THank you very much :)
Lone parent to a 16 year old since she was about 16 months. As SirBoobALot says you just get on with it. In the words of NASA , Failure is not an Option!
I do have a more helpful exH than many of yiu seem to, though. Also good friends and family.

MsFish · 17/01/2013 20:23

For the spiders....

www.lakeland.co.uk/20455/Spider-Catcher

larahusky · 17/01/2013 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmIthatWintry · 17/01/2013 20:30

I thank you OP and am not offended.

I have times when I enjoy being just me and DD. But many times I feel crushed by the responsibility of having to work and earn enough to pay the mortgage and bills, also caring for DD who as LD and ASD. She has a father who doesn't bother with her and sees her a handful of times a year twat .

I miss the fact that my career opportunities are limited by DD's needs, and that if I ever want to go out it takes begging and planning to get her looked after.

I would love to take up a hobby, or go to the gym after work, but the reality is that I have to rush away from my work to get to the After School Club before it closes, and she is nearly always the last child there at 3 minutes to 6.

So, thanks OP, it is nice to be recognised Smile

Belini · 17/01/2013 20:34

Thanks LP to five aged 14, 7, 5 & 12month old twins. It is hard but not as hard a six which is what I had when ex was still here Grin

soimpressed · 17/01/2013 20:38

Thanks OP. I usually get the 'well I was practically a lone parent' or the 'my dp is more like having another child anyway' comments and they make me really mad.

I have been on my own since just before my DS was born (ex makes no contribution financial or otherwise) and I would love it if a few more people were to acknowledge just how hard it is.