Help - found bank letter re challenging over 1k spend in gentlemans club

[Letstryagain]

Looked in h pocket when moving jackets and found a bank letter re his challenge over 1k spend in 'gentlemans' club - looked at dates and it was a weekend I was away, he was out but never mentioned going there. I have no issues with these places but wonder why he didn't say he was there & also how could anyone spend over 1,000 at a place like that? What do I do - say I saw it? Am raging? He had told me he was disputing a spend in debenhams!! Help!!!

Op you will find that most people will struggle to get past where this happened.

I think it's highly unlikely that he will successfully challenge this. If he felt that intimidated then maybe it's a police matter? Either way I think it's a case of very high prices that at the end of the day they can charge.

Well.Its your husband,the father of your kids.
You shouldn't be afraid to ask him about it.
Everyone will be giving you different kind of idea on how to deal with it,but at the end you should know best.....
Just speak to him and see what will happen .
Good luck

So ... what exactly are we talking about here, in blackmail/screw terms...?

Are we saying, that these sorts of clubs freely extorte money out of punters on the basis that a lot of them will be too embarrassed to call them on it?

Really...........................? I mean ... really??

These clubs - which are licensed - freely dabble in extortion and, well, theft....??

Come on. Some of you must have come do the river on your Grandma's piano to actually believe this.

The OP's DH rang up this bill good and proper, and to think otherwise is delusion on a grand scale.

I agree.

He ran up the bill good and proper and is too much of a cheapskate to pay up.

Pathetic.

Op seems to have vanished. I suspect probably because of they way some posters made her feel by harping on about snooping! I clearly am also a snoop. I do all the washing & ironing. He is seemingly incapable of emptying pockets before putting clothes in the wash bin. Therefore, my options are to shove it in as it is & have all of my clothes covered with the contents (usually teeny bits of soggy tissue) or stick my hand in the pocket to remove the contents before I wash them. My dp has never expressed concern about me looking in his pockets. In fact, if I don't & it makes a mess he asks "why didn't you empty my pockets?" Poor op. For what it's worth most of us on here are on your side. For what it's worth I don't think your fella cheated. To be frank, I think most places like that would not provide services like that & log them on a bill. As far as I know, if it does go further than a private dance it's in an alleyway outside & cash in hand! I think you are quite right to be cross about the amount if money & hope your dh does lots of lovely things to make it up to you. X

From a blokes perspective I don't think she was snooping. The rule in our house is whoever does the washing checks the pockets of the clothing. I'm forever leaving pens etc in the pockets! I'm greatful when she checks and vice versa.

Reading the thread though it seems most are really against strip clubs. Why is that?

HeyHoHereWeGo

Quite.

I couldnt be with a man who visited strip clubs I couldnt even be with a man who uses porn.

Deploy the reason why is if you look into it many of the women who do this have a low self esteem believe men are only after sex and many are childhood abuse women. Thats why your average good looking women doesnt dream of being a stripped or a lap dancer porn worker.

If you actually care look into it and see many sex industry workers are childhood abuse victims any man who can use such a woman is not someone I could be with.

Sorry deploy should be delboy.

Wow, what a reasoned and articulate response. I was asking what the problem with strip clubs was as I genuinely havent met any women who are against them.

that was aimed at heyhoherewego by the way

Love delboy's innocent tone there. Grow up mate

Crawling do you mind if i ask how many lapdancers you know? The ones I used to work with didnt fit that mould at all.

Out of the 20 or so who worked there about half were Uni students from mainly middle class backgrounds. A couple were easter european and I admit i didnt know their story and a couple of them were single Mums.

Spooktrain- what innocent tone? I asked a question and got told to fuck off. It was a genuine question. At least another poster answered it without jumping down my throat and now I have my answer.

MM why not dwindle just because they are licensed. The banks have been doing it for years.

The facts are:

1)You have gone away and he has gone to a strip club (Are you OK with this?)

2. He has then failed to tell you about it even lying about the debt(You SHOULD NOT be OK with this!)

3. He may or may not have spent £1000 - could of been dwindled from him or spent on lapdances (IF OK with point 1 then you should expect the latter taking place)

So you now have 2 choices:

1. Do not say anything

OR

2. Wait till he is asleep, string him up by his balls and shove the divorce papers in his face

OR

3. Somewhere inbetween.

Personally I would be wondering where else he has been when I was away and the fact he has lied to get out of this one, will you ever trust what he says again?

I know some men who LOVE stripclubs. I know some men (my husband included, luckily) who finds them seedy and pointless and would only go there on occasion for a stag party or other occasion. I am reasonably indifferent - we can't assure that all dancers/strippers are exploited, at the same time we can probably assume that some girls are.

Delboy - it's good to get a male opinion, and amongst my female peers whose opinions I'm aware of I would say that there would be a mixture of viewpoints on the stripclub topic.

However - as regards the original post, I would be livid if my husband had lied, and apoplectic if it transpired that he had spent such an appalling amount of money in such a place. I hope there is an innocent explanation for the OP's sake.

I am a childhood abuse victim who at age 18 thought about stripping because of a distorted view of men.

I believed that if I charged for sex i was in control that men were pigs who took their sexual gratification from women and I may as well get paid for it (judging by your insistence they are students without doing any research Im not far wrong) That I had nothing else to offer the world.

I cant link as last time I looked it up I triggered myself so if you actually care look into it the research is there. Just because a woman is a student doesnt mean she hasn't been abused its something like one in four women are sexually assaulted even if they don't tell you.

Are we talking licensed gentleman clubs or seedy back street strip clubs/Escorts. As far as I am aware most of the women subjected to the sex trade work as escorts.

Most Gentleman clubs are as delboy describes and I remember many students doing it for extra cash in my uni days. Hell if I had been able to dwindle a few grand a night, I may of been tempted myself (wink)

Crawling- the other dancers you worked with would you say they had a similar background to yourself?
My info doesnt come from any academic research rather than spending along time with, and being friends with some of, the dancers at the club I used to work in

Obviously not many people would divulge being abused as a youngster especially to a colleague, but I dont think many if any of them were from a background which could make them vunerable

But obviously not all are but a high proportion of abuse victims do end up in the sex industry. Some probably are just students but many are women who have been exploited for sex previously.

Any woman ok with her husband paying to put his face millimetres away from another woman's naked genitals is a woman in denial.

This seems a sweeping generalisation to me. I would genuinely not mine my husband going to a strip club and I am not in denial about anything sexually orientated. These girls are not prostitutes. How is it different to going to see the Chippendales (if they still exist) or have a stripper on a hen night for example.

I agree there may be girls who have suffered in the past but there are others who have chosen this a way to make a living. Who are we to judge?

It is not at all different to going to see the Chippendales. Equally disrespectful if one's partner, equally dehumanizing for the strippers.

I would never set foot in a Chipendales' type club because I see sexuality in a paradigm of mature mutual, respect.

I didnt work luckily I met a man who shoned me that not all men care only about sex.

Women who are abused don't just come from vulnerable backgrounds many probably appear to come from good households. The research I read had a horrid extract in which 70% of prostitutes were abused at a young age and the worker new one of the women who said no and asked why she said no the woman replied that when her uncle and father had sex with her at 3 years old she gave consent.

Look into it there is research and just because someone appears to come from a good home really doesnt rule out abuse.

He sounds DELISHOUS