Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not wake up to find MiL giving her house guests a tour of my house?

152 replies

abigboydidit · 16/01/2013 13:12

So..am still a bit bleary eyed & stunned & it may be that I calm down once I wake up but I doubt it.

Am currently 39 weeks pregnant with DC2. Inlaws live relatively nearby so we gave them a house key a couple of weeks ago and emphasised that it was for labour related emergencies only. We have avoided giving them a key before as they have a history of invading our privacy (when I was on maternity leave with DS they would regularly turn up without warning or checking it was convenient. On one occasion I was in the ensuite shower and they appeared in our bedroom to inform me they were visiting). We told asked them not to visit without calling first but they constantly ignored this and continued to let themselves in if DS & I were napping to the point I got anxiety related insomnia and we asked for the key back.

So, DS is currently teething and I was up pretty much half hourly from 3-6am with him and then got him up & ready for nursery while DH headed to work. After dropping him off I went back to bed to recharge and was shocked to be woken about an hour later by voices in the hallway. In the confusion of wondering what was happening (initially I thought it was the radio) I was hoisting myself out of bed when MiL barged into our bedroom with 2 house guests she has visiting from USA. We have recently renovated our house and she explained she was giving them a tour as she was passing. She was really quite snide about the fact I was sleeping and made a few cruel jokes to her guests about me still being in bed at 11am when the breakfast dishes were still sitting on the kitchen table downstairs before heading out again. By the time I grabbed some clothes and composed myself to go downstairs (I was a bit teary and shaken) they had left.

I would welcome advice on what to do please. Unfortunately we are reliant on them for childcare when I go into labour so I know I can't do anything too hasty but I am very upset. I haven't called DH yet as he is likely to fly off the handle. I have spent the last hour or so feeling rather pathetic so am off for a shower now (with the key left in the lock!) and would welcome suggestions as to how I can draw a line under this.

OP posts:
bran · 16/01/2013 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 16/01/2013 19:26

I would have gone ballistic at her! How did it go with her and DH?

SauvignonBlanche · 16/01/2013 19:28

I like Viva's suggestion. Grin

Original poster
abigboydidit · 16/01/2013 19:51

DH came home with DS and looking white with rage. He has the key so clearly a discussion has been had but he wants to wait till DS in bed to tell me what happened.. Will return with update once I hear!

OP posts:
Original poster
abigboydidit · 16/01/2013 19:55

May not be till after dinner though!

OP posts:
MumVsKids · 16/01/2013 19:58

Eek, eat fast please? :)

Spuddybean · 16/01/2013 20:00

oh dear, that doesn't sound good op. i've just read the thread and must say you were much more restrained than i would have been. how did you not shout 'get out of my fucking house you cunt' right in front of her guests after her dreadful comments?

zzzzz · 16/01/2013 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sudaname · 16/01/2013 20:03

Oh god mi suspenders are killing me Grin

elizaregina · 16/01/2013 20:10

^^ me too...

Original poster
abigboydidit · 16/01/2013 20:12

Hmm.. Not much to say am afraid. DH says he doesn't want to talk about it (which always generally means he lost his temper). All he will say is that he made it clear how rude she had been and "doesn't care that she doesn't see it that way". As expected she huffed and withdrew her childcare services, which he told her was probably best Shock. At this point it seems FiL stepped in and informed her that wasn't her choice to make (unheard of for him to speak out!) so according to DH it is now "all sorted". Apparently her house guests had already given her a massive telling off, so by the time DH got to her she was already on the defensive and giving it big "poor me" type behaviour.

I may have to ply him with alcohol to get the uncensored version..

OP posts:
TrucksAndDinosaurs · 16/01/2013 20:12

Well done your DH.

Sugarice · 16/01/2013 20:15

OP, start pouring! Grin

Smellslikecatspee · 16/01/2013 20:16

Wine for abigboydidit Dh Grin

cees · 16/01/2013 20:17

Well done to your DH

FelicityWasSanta · 16/01/2013 20:17

Well done DH, sounds like FIL is reasonable too!

Pixieonthemoor · 16/01/2013 20:20

Can I just echo TrucksansDinosaurs - well done Mr a bigboydidit !! Massively refreshing to hear of a dh who will totally back his wife and wade in on her behalf. Your mil has behaved DISGUSTINGLY!!

Slightly disturbed to hear that "she doesn't see it that way" but I suppose we can't expect much more from someone so lacking in respect and boundaries.

Hope you are feeling a little less shaken op.

Somebodysomewhere · 16/01/2013 20:23

Good god. People like this exist ?
Jesus. I honestly would have physically thrown her out!

I gave the maintenance bloke a bollocking when i was 19 at uni in a shared house for letting himself in without knocking. Shame he didnt get more of a shock really - one of my housemates often used to do a quick dash to the tumble drier in the nude. Would have been even better.
I can only imagine what i would have said to someone who gave a guided fucking tour of my bedroom Shock.

elizaregina · 16/01/2013 20:29

Yes good on Mr a bigboy!!! It truely is a refreshing change, by the way op - before I somehow missed the bit about the dishes on the table! Angry...you poor poor thing...also so very glad the guests she had also had the guts to speak out about it....if a few more people were able to speak out like that at unbeliveable behaviour...surely it would help society as a whole.....I mean in clear cut situs like this?

Are there any books out there for MIls and DP's in general who simply cant understand thier chldren are big now and need bloody space!

sudaname · 16/01/2013 20:34

'I may have to ply him with alcohol to get the uncensored version'

Never mind the alcohol - get the nipple clamps out.

Joking apart my DH does this and its infuriating. On the odd occasion he does take my side when one of his family do something outrageous and he has a 'word' and comes home/off the phone and l want a syllable by syllable replay of every word they said and what tone they used and what face they pulled while saying it - he'll get all defensive about them and say 'Look l 've told them ok, l dont wanna talk about it'.
It's like he doesnt want me to gloat as if !

StormyWeek · 16/01/2013 20:35

You think that you didn't have much to report???

Your DH gave her a well deserved bollocking
Your FIL over ruled her and stood up for you (and his family)
The house guests gave her a doing too

It's a brilliant victory - look at how well you've been supported. You're in good hands, and that's a lovely thing to be able to say. You have a horror for a MIL, but, tonight, I envy you!

Spuddybean · 16/01/2013 20:39

What's wrong with these people - You were upset, her guests told her off and her son is angry, yet she still doesn't see it that way, and actually is even feeling sorry for herself. Do you have any idea what could possibly make her think she has a right to walk into your house, with strangers, while you are sleeping and then make horrible comments about your laziness? Is it just the childcare which makes her feel she owns you?

Matildaduck · 16/01/2013 20:44

It was birthing and caring for her son that was the problem spuddy.
My similar il's were exactly the same, they still felt they had the right to control us, make decisions for us....

Respect for your lovely dh, mine likes to be diplomatic, wish he was like yours.

PureQuintessence · 16/01/2013 20:45

Wow. That is a 4-1 Victory to YOU and your family. Well done dh, houseguests and FIL.

MadamFolly · 16/01/2013 20:45

Well done DH and well done guests.

Swipe left for the next trending thread