to not find childhood sweethearts a sweet notion?

[LittleMermaidAriel]

Ok I'm prepared to get flamed for this.

My friend recently told me of a couple she knows (who are in their late 30s) who have been together since they were 13 - "isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard??"

I smiled but in my head I was thinking hell to the no. I couldn't imagine living should a sheltered life that I'd only ever been with one person.

I had my heart broken twice, it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt but I feel the experience of that has made me a much stronger person and grow up.

My husband was married before he met me and I couldn't care less that he was married before.

I was on another forum where a woman had been with her husband since 16 and they have 3 boys together. Someone started a thread about a nights out and I remember her saying she never did nights out with friends and would only go out with her husband (then boyfriend) when she turned 18 and that they would meet up with their parents at the end of the night for a drink.

All I kept thinking was what?! You never used to have girls night, dressing up, dancing and drinking. I'm not saying youth has to be drunk and drugged up partying, but surely you need some wildness in your youth?

I have another friend been with her boyfriend since 17. We lived together at one point, all the couple did was argue, and I knew that both had cheated on each other yet they are still together. Why - because they can't imagine life as being single.

I understand it's your own life and do with it as you will but there's just a part of me that cannot find the idea of childhood sweethearts sweet.

I think it's a slightly grating notion based on the idea that the 'ideal' is to only have sex with one person in your whole life.

I've been with mu husband since I was 17 (well 16 on the sneaky ) We've travelled separately, mainly to see relatives who moved abroad. We have both been away on trips with friends both before and since we were married (we've been married for 15 years this year)

He goes out to the cinema without me etc- he has woeful taste in films and as an aside is currently beside himself with excitement at seeing the Hobbit tonight.

We don't share everything, have sometimes quite differing political view points etc. We met when I was 16, we have been through some shit, heartbreaking times together and I have never ever questioned how much we mean to each other.

We just met when I was young (I had other boyfriends before and one could say when we first met .

YANBU I agree with you.

I've been with DH since I was 15, him 16. I'm now 37, he's 38 with 2 kids

I don't think it's 'sweet'. It's just how it is.

We still went clubbing, out with friends, drinking holidays with friends, etc, etc. We weren't, and still aren't joined at the hip.

We've been together a long time, we're happy. I don't see a problem

I guess there's something about not comparing your DH/DP to anyone else which is really nice

Girls are even more bitchy in the sun that what they are here!

although I suspect that this attitude comes from lack of experience at adult female friendships.

OP, I agree with you fwiw. Only you can't point out to someone what they have missed out on when they have no notion that there is anything to miss. Most of the couples I know in this sort of relationship are boring not very open minded when it comes to other things too. All that smugness makes them dull

Just to echo what other people have already said. You have a rather stereotyped view of couples who have been together since young. I've been with DH since I was 15 and I don't recognise myself in your description at all, and anyhow, if having a life like that is happy and fulfilling for two people then what's your problem? I went on holiday with my girl friends when I was young, DH did the same. My social life isn't tied to DH as much as I like going out with him.

However I do agree that childhood sweethearts aren't 'sweet', but I wouldn't describe any relationship as sweet unless under severe duress

I met dh when we were 17. Friends at first; started dating at 19, married at 27, 2 kids later we're happier than ever.

I've been on umpteen girls nights out, both as a teen and now (last one was last week!), been on a girls holiday, been to the cinema/theatre/art gallery both with and without dh.

I have only ever slept with dh though, but I have no regrets on that front. Having read some of the dating threads here, I thank my lucky stars I never had to do the sorting-through-the-chaff others have to do. God forbid, if I find myself single again, I'd prefer to become a nun than go out dating and have to sort through the weirdos!

I'm not sure why having your heart broken is such a necessary experience? .

Obviously you are entitled to your opinion, OP, but I have had this attitude expressed rather rudely to me quite often, and I get a bit tired of people seeming to think it's OK to be openly incredulous and belittling.

I've been with my partner since we were both 19 (almost 21 years). I have ended up asking some of the ruder people exactly how old they would like me to have been before I met my partner, and how many men (and women?) I'm supposed to have slept with before meeting him! It's a pretty programmatic way of thinking about life - why feel the need to impose a formula? I don't think everyone should meet their life partner at 19 - I don't necessarily think it's 'sweet' - it's just what happened to us. People should do exactly what the hell they like, for God's sake!

We're not all Him-and-Her clones with the same haircut, wearing matching cagoules, you know.

I'm not sure why having your heart broken is such a necessary experience?

It was for me, I fell crazy in love with someone at 20, he left me for someone else. The pain was awful, and I would have done anything to get him back. He came crawling back after a year -
But in that time I'd become a stronger person and I'd had time to reflect on what I wanted out of a relationship and ultimately what I deserved.

Girls are even more bitchy in the sun that what they are here!

That's quite a strange thing to say ... I worked abroad over summer one year and lived in a house of 10 people. Some had already lived there a couple of weeks before I got there. I was assigned a bedroom with 3 other girls - when one of the girls found out she now had to share with other girls she packed up her things and slept in the front room.

When I asked her why, her response was "because girls don't like me"
She had decided before even meeting her that because we were girl then we obviously weren't going to like her

It depends what people want though.

I would think that to be with someone since your teens (although probably later than earlier) would be lovely and shows that you are secure and confident in who you are and who you are with.

It sounds lovely to me. (Not 'sweet' though)

I don't think you can make generalisations on the few cases of childhood sweethearts that you've seen.

I've been with my DH since we were both 17. Met at the start of uni have have been together ever since. We've done plenty in that time...loads of clubbing & wild nights out both seperately and together, travelled together and alone, lived with friends, lived together, lived abroad, etc etc. We have a few shared interests and a few things that each of us likes to do seperately. I have a load of girlfriends that I see regularly and he has lots of friends that he goes down the pub & plays footie with.

It's not been easy and we are different people than we were when we met. But 20 years & 3 kids down the line I consider myself extremely lucky that I am with someone I love and who has so much shared history with me.

I have been with dh since 18 and I definitely havent lived a sheltered life (ahem) Have also no idea why it would stop you going out with friends

.That happens in my circle in older couples once they are together you cant drag them out.

Meganmascara - some people know they deserve the best from a young age and wouldnt put up with any shit of anyone without getting their heart broken.

I find it lovely when a couple has been able to be in a happy supportive relationship which has lasted the storms of life for many many years, how old they were when they got together is by the by but the younger a couple start the more time they have to have a long relationship.

(I'm aware that some long relationships are not happy and supportive but the ones I find lovely are).

YABU. I met my husband when I was 16 and he 21. This year we will have been married for 6 years and together 13. No regrets, enough heartache before I met him, ups and downs but have never broken up in the years we have been together, and plenty of time out (and still have!) with my own friends.

As long as someone is happy, what does it matter what age they met and settled down at? I am actually quite grateful that I have only had 2 sexual partners incl. DH and have not had to suffer much heartache. I had plenty of non-sexual relationships with boys/men before I met him too, so gained a good experience of that.

Yabu to assume that a person has to suffer heartbreak and sleep with more than one person to have 'lived' you also abu to assume that everyone who has only been with one person or has been with the same person since a young age hasn't experienced any heartbreak or done the whole drinking/sleeping around thing.

Been with DH since I was 16 but a year before was seriously left heartbroken to the point of depression/insomnia. DH pulled me round and I have no regrets. Don't wish I'd had 25 blokes before him, nor do I wish i'd had longer being single to do the whole partying thing. I'm not even a party person.

However hard I try, I can't see any difference between the smugness of couples who have been together all their lives and think they have found the Only Right Way and the smugness of people who have been through a range of relationships and think they have found the Only Right Way.

Either way, smugness and the trusting belief that your way is The Only Way demonstrates that your particular life experiences have not, in fact, done anything to broaden your outlook.

I have known celibates who have had a wide and tolerant outlook on life and multiple divorcees who have been narrow and set in their ways.

And btw having one love of your life does not preclude heartbreak. I have never had any other boyfriends than dh. But we did break up in the early years and my heartbreak wasn't any less because I didn't rush into a new relationship. It so happens that I still hadn't found anyone I liked better two years later when we came together again. Does that invalidate my chance of learning from suffering?

And besides, who says heartbreak is the only suffering you can learn from in life? Some people learn from disability, some learn from caring for disabled or sick children, some learn from war or disaster, some from losing a child or from unrequited love, some from messy divorces, others from struggling in their career. The more I learn about what other people around me have gone through, the less inclined I am to feel smug about my particular learning.

For me, breaking up with dh and caring for a chronically ill and disabled child have been the two greatest learning curves in my life. Perhaps they have been necessary for me. But I don't insist that you should all have disabled children so as not to miss out on a unique learning experience: I think it quite likely that every life will contain enough suffering, of whatever kind, to provide its own learning material.

What makes you think childhood sweethearts don't experience heartbreak? My mum met her husband when she 14 and married him when she was 16. She saved up all her heartbreak for when he suddenly passed away 50 years later. :(

I've never had my heart broken, or even been dumped by a boy. But I don't think I've led a sheltered life. I met dh when I was 19. He was my first steady boyfriend. I spent my teens having the best of fun with my friends. We did a bit of travelling and there were plenty of nights out and numerous boys, but never anything serious. I had no intention of settling down before I was 30 tbh. But I knew within 2 weeks I would marry dh. We married when I was 24 and we've been together 17 years. I wouldn't have it any other way. It happens differently for everyone doesn't it

I was in the same class as my DH since age 11. We have been married for 26 years.

YABU, I had the relationships and experiences that suited me, other people I know have had the relationships and experiences that suited them.

It doesn't bother me whether someone finds the person they want to be with at 13 or 83 its always nice when it happens for them.

Well lI suppose it's quite sweet in a twee sort of way. And if it works for the couple. But people change so much that the person you liked when you were 15 might not be the person you like when you're 30.

YABU. I've been with DH for 18 years, since I was 16 and he was 20. I moved in with him when I was 17. He had an ex and a child when I met him, I'd never been in a proper relationship before I'd met him. Although I'd had my fair share of casual boyfriends. I've had plenty of nights out s with girlfriends and a few girl holidays too. We weren't joined at the hip. Just because someone hasn't had their heart broken before or hasn't shagged ex amount of blokes doesn't mean they've missed out.

Viviennemary Wed 16-Jan-13 19:12:04
"Well lI suppose it's quite sweet in a twee sort of way. And if it works for the couple. But people change so much that the person you liked when you were 15 might not be the person you like when you're 30. "

So can't this be the same kind of learning experience as other posters are on about re having relationships with several different people?