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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DD was not being unreasonable to not want to sit at the 'childrens table'?

114 replies

500DaysofAutumn · 14/01/2013 19:16

It was my mums 80th birthday over the weekend so we had a lunch out with all the family.

We weren't however all sat on one large table - we were in a separate room with three long tables each pushed against a wall and there was seating for 8 people on each.

My brother had done the seating plan. My DD who is 20 was sat with her 5 year and two 7 year old cousins. Two of the younger children are my brothers and he was sat on a completely different table to them.

My DD never said anything at the time, but in the car home I think she felt humiliated at being placed on the childrens table and she didn't really enjoy herself. I love my nieces and nephew but at that age it's not exactly stimulating conversation.

It also wasn't a set menu so it was ultimately left to my DD to help them chose what to eat - she doesn't have a clue about what their eating habits are and what they like or dislike and to also watch over them whilst they ate.

(They are all fantastic children, but when they are together can get a little silly and over excited as most children do)

She was thankfully sat with her other cousin who is 14 but those immediately next to her and in front of her with the youngest in the family.

I was impressed with her as she never complained about it until we were in the car leaving. She is 20 and therefore not a child and in my opinion shouldn't have been made to sit at the childrens table either.

aibu?

OP posts:
beckhamz · 14/01/2013 19:17

Yanbu. Why didn't you say anything?

Greythorne · 14/01/2013 19:17

Yanbu

Andro · 14/01/2013 19:18

Absolutely not!

AmberLeaf · 14/01/2013 19:19

YANBU

Think I would have said something immediately though.

Bobyan · 14/01/2013 19:19

At 20 I would have expected her to have raised the issue herself

Renatica · 14/01/2013 19:20

YANBU, your poor DD!

ReluctantMother · 14/01/2013 19:20

Nbu but if I was here would have moved.

Andro · 14/01/2013 19:21

Bobyan - she probably didn't want to cause a scene.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/01/2013 19:23

YANBU, and your brother and his wife are twats for thinking that they could use her as free childcare while they enjoyed their meal.

kissmyshineymetalass · 14/01/2013 19:24

Do you think your brother put her there so she could look after his children rather than him looking after them himself?

MoetEtPantsOn · 14/01/2013 19:24

I think it's fantastic that she didn't raise it as an issue. Very gracious of her.

I do think it was unreasonable but it must have been tricky. If she wasn't there the 14 year old would have had a rubbish time. And possibly so on down. Your brother should have been a frequent visitor to the table too IMO

I'm a bit biased because I recently flew from Australia to Europe for such an event and was also placed at the kids table. I am 37.

snowybrrr · 14/01/2013 19:25

Need to know more about the seating plan before I can comment,Were all teh 7 other people on her table children? And were there no children on any other tables?

pictish · 14/01/2013 19:27

Yanbu - 20 is not a child.

simplesusan · 14/01/2013 19:28

Yadnbu.
However expect several posters to disagree with you as it seems lots of posters think it fine to palm off their children with nephews/nieces.

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/01/2013 19:29

So she was free baby sitting.

She should have a word with your brother.

The problem is that they have done this once and will do it again.

If someone doesn't complain (assuming that there will be another large family get together) she should ask to see the seating plan.

Original poster
500DaysofAutumn · 14/01/2013 19:30

She didn't say anything because it was her Grandma's 80th and she even had friends over from Austria for her birthday and I think she would rather just have got on with it.

I did say I don't think DD wants to be sat with the children which was ignored.

OP posts:
Kiriwawa · 14/01/2013 19:30

I generally find children and their parents who have 'adult' expectations of them hugely irritating (my cousin does it with her 10 year old - insists she sits with the adults and then monitors our language) but your DD isn't a child, she's an adult.

I also think she was very gracious. If your brother's children need parenting, then the parents should do it (or pay for someone else to supervise them)

Original poster
500DaysofAutumn · 14/01/2013 19:32

There were two adults on the table too but they were sat opposite each other right at the other end of the table to DD (they were also obviously annoyed at being placed there) - but they are a couple so had each other iyswim?

All the rest were children ages 5 to 14.

OP posts:
derekthehamster · 14/01/2013 19:34

I was always on the children's table until I had some children of my own to replace me!

NotMyBigFatFault · 14/01/2013 19:35

Uh, I had this at my wedding except the "grown up" on the child's table was actually the mother of the 3 children; she had wanted her sister to have them so she could have a good time! They were 2, 6 and 8 at the time!!! But, YANBU OP

GrendelsMum · 14/01/2013 19:43

Oh golly! I think that was very good of your DD to think of her grandma's feelings and to look after the kids. shame it was probably not a huge amount of fun for her.

McNewPants2013 · 14/01/2013 19:45

There were two adults on the table too but they were sat opposite each other right at the other end of the table to DD (they were also obviously annoyed at being placed there) - but they are a couple so had each other iyswim?

no so much a children table then

mrsjay · 14/01/2013 19:47

yanbu my dd is nearly 20 she was have been embarrassed to sit at the kids table

BettySuarez · 14/01/2013 19:49

Why can't people sit with their own bloody children???

floweryblue · 14/01/2013 20:02

Since Sis had her DS (Sis is single mother), all family gatherings have had me on one side of him, her on the other.

I anticipate that in the future, I will continue to supervise him while she has more and more freedom to socialise. But, and it is a very big BUT, Sis asks me if that's OK every time plus I don't like 'social' meals, so I actually prefer having something to do.

You should be very proud of your DD for not complaining at the time and YANBU for feeling she got lumbered with providing free child care.