to think my DD was not being unreasonable to not want to sit at the 'childrens table'?

[500DaysofAutumn]

It was my mums 80th birthday over the weekend so we had a lunch out with all the family.

We weren't however all sat on one large table - we were in a separate room with three long tables each pushed against a wall and there was seating for 8 people on each.

My brother had done the seating plan. My DD who is 20 was sat with her 5 year and two 7 year old cousins. Two of the younger children are my brothers and he was sat on a completely different table to them.

My DD never said anything at the time, but in the car home I think she felt humiliated at being placed on the childrens table and she didn't really enjoy herself. I love my nieces and nephew but at that age it's not exactly stimulating conversation.

It also wasn't a set menu so it was ultimately left to my DD to help them chose what to eat - she doesn't have a clue about what their eating habits are and what they like or dislike and to also watch over them whilst they ate.

(They are all fantastic children, but when they are together can get a little silly and over excited as most children do)

She was thankfully sat with her other cousin who is 14 but those immediately next to her and in front of her with the youngest in the family.

I was impressed with her as she never complained about it until we were in the car leaving. She is 20 and therefore not a child and in my opinion shouldn't have been made to sit at the childrens table either.

aibu?

I'm banned from the kids table now since the burping competition I invented :(

DeWe - nice to see that others regard the children table as the 'fun' table :)

Yanbu - she was being used as child care, parents should sit next to their own kids.

I would have been embarrassed to be on the kids table at 20. I was nearly married at that age and was buying a house.

I do agree the children's table is fun but for children. I think she should have been asked first as she is an adult and fine if she was ok with it.

A kids table is fun. The OP's DD wasn't sat there for the fun option it would appear, she was used as a free babysitter though as she was choosing food options for the other children, the parents of those children should've been supervising their own children's choices not side-stepping the care to someone else.

I think that the fact that it wasn't a childrens' table as such, is irrelevant, to be honest. What is relevant is that 500DaysofAutumn's dd was seated with someone else's children, and ended up having to look after them, whilst the parents were seated elsewhere.

When the boys were little, we took them to some similar occasions - wedding receptions etc - and we always sat with them and looked after them ourselves. I wouldn't have expected someone else - especially someone who didn't know them well - to look after them.

The OP's brother should have asked her dd in advance if she was willing to sit with his children and look after them - but fwiw, because he just took it for granted that she wouldn't mind, I think her dd should submit an invoice to her brother for her babysitting services!

The OP could have swapped seats with the couple and sat with her DD but she didn't. Isn't it a bit silly for others to condemn the brother for choosing the adult table?

I can't speak for others, but I am not condemning the brother for choosing the adult table. What I am condemning him for is for leaving his children to be looked after by other guests (it is irrelevant whether it was the OP's dd, or the Op and her dd or anyone else)!

He seated himself (and his dp, I assume) at a different table to his young children, so other guests hadto look after them. He didn't ask if the OP's dd minded looking after his children - he just did what suited him. That was presumptuous and unacceptable, IMO.

Why does everyone have to sit in the same place for the whole 3 courses? Isn't it better to switch after each course to circulate, spread the childminding and make sure everyone gets a chance to mingle?

As an aside to the discussion about the DB getting free child care, Who was paying for the meal?

Its bad enough that the DB abandoned his children to the Op's DD but its even worse if the DD is paying for her own meal.

We had this at a friend's wedding - ended up on a table with the young cousins. Wasn't best amused. Will be payback time at our wedding . . .

Gosh, I really admire your daughters dignity in her handling of the situation. Something similar happened to me when I was 21 and engaged to my then fiancé . Big family meal and my mother put me on the children's table and my fiancé with the "grown ups" !!!
I didn't act very grown up to my shame........and still feel foolish and embarrassed many years on. :-(

It's hard; when I was 18 I went to a family wedding - I hadn't wanted to go but my parents insisted. When I got there I found I was on the kids tables and the next oldest cousin was about 12 with most being very little. It was awful. You should have said something, totally not fair at that age.

Am I out of date? Why were all the smaller children not sitting with their own parents? That would have spread the ages around. With the grandmother being 80, was there a pecking order of who sat where? For instance, all the grandmother's own children sat close to her, then the next generation a bit further away and so on?