Is it Unreasonable to bite your kids back?

[AnneNonimous]

When they bite you? Or more to the point a baby?

DS is almost ten months and has discovered biting people. He has almost 5 teeth so it's painful, and he favours the boobs or face but will pretty much go for anywhere. It REALLY does hurt. A couple of times it's hurt so much I've screamed out and scared him so he's cried, but it hasn't stopped him. I've also given him teething rings or something else to chew on, told him 'no' in a firm voice everytime but to no avail - he won't stop.

Anyone I mention it to tell me to bite him back - not hard but so he understands what biting is. I can't quite bring myself to do it but I have to admit I've been close when he's really hurt me! Is it what you would do/ have done? I can't quite believe a 10 month old could learn a lesson that way I just don't know?

[polkadotsrock]

Aw well, different situations indeed but 'twas worth a try!

[Writehand]

I guess it's a lot easier to condemn people when you're inventing what they're supposed to have said, but I am getting tired of being attacked by posters who haven't bothered to read my posts.

It's easy to check what someone's posted throughout a topic: just select that your browser shows all the messages and then look for the relevant username using your Find facility. You'll then be able to check what I said skipping from one to the other an aspect with which most of my critics haven't troubled to clutter their brains.

To re-state: I did not hurt my baby. I did not leave a mark. The baby did not cry. He was not distressed. However he did stop biting. Permanently.

Clearly none of you've ever done any amateur dramatics. I pantomimed a bite - lots of teeth showing - but not leaving saliva, let alone hurting him in any way. Why would I hurt or scare him? I adored him, like most mums adore their babies. His reaction was amazement, not fear or distress, and from that moment on he stopped biting.

Babies learn in lots of ways we don't yet fully understand, and body language is one. And, while I am in no way suggesting that this is a technique everyone should adopt, it worked for us.

I have now seen half a dozen or so posts insisting that either it must have hurt or that it didn't work. Seeing that the only reason I contributed to the discussion was that it did work, I'm a bit disdainful of all this lazy knee-jerk condemnation. It's silly manufacturing all this indignation over such meagre grounds. Some of you really do seem in urgent need of a life.

[CecilyP]

Oh, I see. So you didn't actually bite him - you just pretended to bite him but, because he saw your teeth - lots of them - he realised that his actual biting was something he must no longer do. Clever baby! However, I now don't see how he could have empathised with you, as he did not experience what you experienced when he bit you.

[sparklingsky]

Sometimes babies/ toddlers just stop biting. They gave something a go once or twice and that's it. A bite, simulated or otherwise may not have anything to do with it.

Just another point of interest - scared or stressed little ones don't necessarily demonstrate this as adults would expect. There are studies where small children have elevated cortisol (stress hormone) but adults don't judge them as stressed....
Lots of parents like the old adage 'what you pay attention to you get more of'. But if biting is happening lots without cessation, I'd want someone with a professional view to give some advice...

[snowybrrr]

I think your baby must be a child prodigy.