To tell him to bugger off?

[namechanger11111]

Long story short this bloke is an ex from 10+ years ago.

I am sick to the back teeth of him turning up at my house uninvited. He's done it since we split up. Sometimes months go by where i don't see him but since I've been single he's turning up sometimes twice a week.

He's always got a sob story that makes me feel sorry for him and then he ends up staying hours! It's making me feel like i can't relax in my own home.

He just turned up now and i told him i was cleaning and then going out so had no time to chat. He then told me what my recent ex was doing and asked who had left my house 5 mins earlier! It was my teenage son who he thought was my new boyfriend!

I managed not to let him in and now i feel guilty.

My son thinks i should tell him straight i don't like him and don't want him coming over.

So would i be unreasonable to tell him to bugger off?

I agree that he needs to be told firmly, but I wouldn't literally text "fuck off". He needs a firm but gentle telling imo. Mainly because I think his behaviour so far is creepy, sorry.

The thing is he thinks we're friends and i don't think the turning up uninvited is something he only does to me. I think that's just what he's like, even if no one likes him he'd rather go visiting people than be alone.

When he has a girlfriend he doesn't turn up very often. He hasn't had one for a while and with me being single too i think he thinks his luck is in.

I even asked my most recent ex when we were together to tell him he didn't want him coming over anymore but he wouldn't.

I just feel like i can't relax in my own home. I hate unexpected visitors at the best of times and my family even text or ring before coming over. I'd never do it to anyone else either I'd feel rude.

I work from home and have lots of deliveries so can't even ignore the door in case i miss something

"Please leave me alone. Stop coming round. Do not contact me again."

P-O-L-I-C-E. Ring them on 101, tell them what's happening and get their advice. Do it right now before texting him, they may be able to advise you how best to word it.

"I'm going to text him i think but how on earth do i word it?"

I definitely wouldn't text this, but it might be a useful starting point for what to say to his face next time he comes a-visiting and you keep him standing outside the door -

You know, X; I know we went out for a VERY short time a VERY long time ago; but both times I called a halt because I didn't want to be your girlfriend. I still don't. And I don't want to be your friend either. But still you keep sniffing around me, and it makes me uncomfortable; because I DON'T want to be with you. I've been polite about it because that's how I was brought up, and I thought you would drift off and I'd never see you again and all would be well - but you're not drifting off, you just keep coming back. And I want it to stop. So, no more politeness - I want you to stay away from me. I don't want you coming to my door ever again. If you see me in the street, ignore me. I want you to have nothing to do with me or mine. If you approach me again, I will consider it harassment and I will go to the police about it. Do you understand?

You probably will have to go to the police by the sound of it. But remember - this man does not deserve your pity and you should not be misled that he is just sad and lonely.

Don't be apologetic. Don't invoke the past. Don't take long. Short, sharp. No opportunity for him to butt in, to interrupt, and start making you feel guilty about it.

We don't get on. Please leave me alone.

Shut the door.