Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's not my DD's responsibility to watch her younger cousins?

50 replies

whiteconverse · 12/01/2013 22:12

Me and my brother took my mum out for lunch today along with our partners and children and we came back to hers for some coffee.

My mum has quite a large living room so we were sat around the dining in there having a chat and a drink whilst the children played.

There was a bowl of fruit in the room and my niece kept helping herself to the grapes and as a toddler kept running around.

My brother then quite reproachfully told my DD(14) to watch his daughter as she might choke on the grapes.

My DD is a very responsible girl and of course loves her younger cousin and will keep an eye on her but ultimately her cousin is not her responsibility, especially when all my brother is doing is sat around chatting.

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 12/01/2013 22:14

Totally not your DDs responsibility. Your brother is an idiot and clearly an irresponsible parent for letter his toddler eat grapes and run around with them too.

littlewhitebag · 12/01/2013 22:16

He was just asking her to keep an eye out for his child. Surely that is not too much to ask of a 14 year old?

onedev · 12/01/2013 22:17

Exactly what Damnbamboo said!

DamnBamboo · 12/01/2013 22:18

It isn't the 14 year old problem! It's his and he should be watching his own kid and not reproachfully telling somebody else to do so

HollyBerryBush · 12/01/2013 22:19

It takes a village to bring up a child.

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2013 22:20

I'm with holly.

DamnBamboo · 12/01/2013 22:21

What holly? You and I clearly have very different approaches.

What kind of a parent, when knowing that his toddler child is eating grapes and running around doesn't either supervise or stop this behaviour rather than delegating responsiblity to somebody else, of any age.

tittytittyhanghang · 12/01/2013 22:21

Me too, i agree with Holly. Cant stand this 'not my problem' attitude.

Original poster
whiteconverse · 12/01/2013 22:23

Well I did say in my OP that my DD would of course keep an eye on her cousin without being told, and she wouldn't just stand by if something happened or if she could see something was about to happen.

But when it comes down to it, you are responsible for your child and making sure they are safe.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 12/01/2013 22:24

It would be a different matter if he had ASKED your DD to keep an eye on her cousin and she had failed to do so, but that's not what happened, is it? So your brother is an irresponsible arse, not only for failing to look after his own DD but for trying to guilt your DD into thinking she was doing something wrong.

Perhaps he thinks childcare is something that only women should do? Hmm

TidyDancer · 12/01/2013 22:26

I agree completely with DamnBamboo. The father of the toddler clearly just preferred to be off duty with the child, and was happy to delegate his responsibilities to the nearest semi-suitable person. It wasn't fair or sensible.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 12/01/2013 22:26

YANBU

My teenagers always keep an eye out for my younger children without being asked, but they are not their responsibility (unless they are specifically 'in charge' at that time)

echt · 12/01/2013 22:27

Agree with Thumbwitch. Quite apart from the shitty guilt-tripping of the girl by the man, I'm not sure a 14-year old would know that grapes and toddlers don't mix.

sameoldlovebunny · 12/01/2013 22:28

you are right and your brother was wrong. your daughter is not responsible for his children, he is. and as for a village bringing up a child, its not a village that ends up in court if something goes wrong.

DamnBamboo · 12/01/2013 22:28

Yes titty the fathers attitude of 'not my problem' towards his own child's safety is a bit shit isn't it!

GailTheGoldfish · 12/01/2013 22:28

Not fair to put the responsibility onto a 14 year old when the child's father is right there.

Startail · 12/01/2013 22:30

DD2 (11) would love to be asked to look after a younger child. She's an absolute natural at it.

DD1 (14) would be listening to and joining in with the adults and totally forget. Small people are not her thing, she's never been that keen on ones her own age. Smaller ones are even worse.

Moving the grapes sounds more sensible.

DoodlesNoodles · 12/01/2013 22:32

I can relate to this. Grin

My DD often has a pressing assignment or important 'revision' to do when my DB and DSIL come over with their adorable but wild DD's?

My DD loves to spend time with her cousins and will take them out and bake cakes with them but she doesn't want to spend the whole day babysitting them while my idle DB and DSIL relax

Permanentlyexhausted · 12/01/2013 22:32

Obviously I have no idea what your brother meant but I would take that request to mean "Keep an eye on x and let us know if there is a problem", rather than "If x starts choking perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on her". IMO the first request is quite reasonable, the second obviously isn't.

PatriciaHolm · 12/01/2013 22:34

If the 14yr old was actually feeding the toddler grapes, he might have had a point. If he'd asked her nicely to keep an eye out, that might have been fine.

If he'd just got arsy and expected her to be in charge as he wanted a drink and couldn't be arsed, YANBU!

JazzyTheSnowman · 12/01/2013 22:34

I agree with DamnBamboo.

If it were HIS daughter, and he were asking his own child to look out for a younger sibling, then I could at least understand it. But to ask someone elses child, who's barely old enough to look after herself, to look after their children whilst they are just standing around is ludicrous.

Seriously inappropriate.

SamSmalaidh · 12/01/2013 22:36

I will sometimes ask my young cousins to watch DS, but not if I am sat in the same room and not if I can quite clearly see DS is doing something dangerous!

If the 14 year old was really in charge of the toddler, then surely she would have been within her rights to stop her eating the grapes all together? Keeping an eye on a small child running round with a choking hazard in their mouth isn't going to stop them choking Hmm

Original poster
whiteconverse · 12/01/2013 22:37

Patricia my DD wasn't giving her the grapes, my niece was helping herself to them and she wasn't asked nicely to watch her, like I said in my OP is was done in a very reproachful manner.

He then sat with his back to the children and carried on chatting etc

OP posts:
Thewhingingdefective · 12/01/2013 22:39

YANBU. Nothing wrong per se with your brother asking your DD to keep an eye on a younger child ( of his), but ultimately his child's safety is his responsibility.

There is a 16 year old girl who lives a couple of doors away from us. She babysits, but sometimes just pops over for a cuppa, chat and to play with/ see the kids. I often ask her to 'keep an eye on them' when I am making the tea or whatever, but of course it doesn't mean I can forget about them.

StuntGirl · 12/01/2013 22:39

While an older cousin should watch out for younger ones the parent should ultimately be in control of the situation.

Your brother could have ensured his daughter was safe by telling her not to eat the grapes, removing them from the room if he didn't think she would listen or by making her sit with them while she ate some then sending her back to play.

When the potential consequence is something as serious as choking then your brother is behaving foolishly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread