To think that DH isn't being fair?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

I have two options at work - I can either live away in London during the week (and be home late Friday, leave late Sunday) or work in London during the weekend and be home mon through Thursday and leave Friday night return Monday morning.
OH works Mon- Fri 7-5 so I can either see him weekday evenings or whole weekends. (we live together)

He says he prefers me to work weekends so he is free to do what he wants and see his mates and get to see me during the week after work.

AIBU to be hurt and interpret this as him wanting to spend more time with his friends than me?

Which would you pick in the evenings vs weekends? I am completely divided

(I'm not saying trills is wrong btw - just don't ignore the rest of the advice!)

Stunt girl - thanks. Do realise that but my friends are also along trills line and I am aware that MN tends to have a slight LTB bbias

"so when I came back he was all confused and uncertain and guilty about having enjoyed himself"

That must have been so hot!

Clingy and convinced you are a ball and chain - it's a heady combination.

Athinginyourlife - hmm... Let's not go there

Oh dear OP. I was on your other thread (about the drama last week). I feel like you haven't really listened to what all of us were saying there. That's fine, it's your prerogative, but I really hope you wake up soon and realise that everything your partner (why are you calling him your husband all of a sudden?) is saying and doing is not normal, not understandable, and not something you need to accept.

Why can't he see his friends during the week? Surely people go out for drinks and such after work sometimes?

What they don't do usually is go crazy and get totally sloshed -- which is why he wants to see them on the weekend no doubt. So it's not really a matter of just wanting to see his mates, but of wanting to be able to get wasted if he wants, every weekend, with no repercussions.

And that's totally fine if he wants that, but then he should go off and be single and have fun, and not get his partner to arrange her work schedule around his partying needs.

I agree you should move to London and pursue your own dreams.

If MN has a LTB bias it's because so many women write in about their partners being knobs.

Happy women with lovely partners aren't usually writing about how great things are.

If you want a bunch of people to say ohhhhh sure, it's totally normal for a man to not want to see his partner every weekend when he has the most free time -- well, listen to your friends.

I bet you anything they are not all being honest with you though. It takes a lot to tell a friend that you think her partner is a knob.

Then I suspect OP the answer lies somewhere in the middle. MN gives you the brutal black and white layout of your relationship. Your friends know him, and you, and there are more shades of grey.

I don't know your backstory so can only go off this thread, but he sounds silly and selfish.

Btw my opinion here is largely informed by your other thread

Whatever happened on NYE, it doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same page anymore

Dreaming - I didn't mean to put DH on thread title should have been OP

I had a long distance relationship for two years where we only saw each other at weekends and it was hard as we always felt we had to be together most of the weekend and do stuff when actually we were both tired from the week and should have just slobbed out or had some alone time.
BUT on the other hand opposite shifts is tough too.

If this relationship was utterly 'the one' I would probably pick opposite shifts and try to time limit it to say one year max. But it sounds from other posts that there are other issues so maybe doing whatever YOU want and would do if he wasn't around us the best plan.

Look, at 21 you can afford to be smug and think that all the posters who took time to help you on your Relationships thread are old harpies who are bitter and twisted, or you can consider that age and experience brings a bit of wisdom with it and that when the consensus from two threads in a week tells you that your BF is putting the brakes on and really isn't as into this relationship as you, maybe there's something to learn.

He either met someone on NYE or he realised that he's too young to settle down to saving, not going out and committing to one woman for life.

You're not on the same page any more.

What concerns me OP, from your comments on this and the other thread, is that you seem to think that the problems and concerns you have are normal and should be minimised. That any serious relationship would have the issues you have, that any partner written about might provoke LTB.

Honestly, I'm trying to think of anything I could write about my DH that would lead people to say LTB. Even at our worst times, I think the most people would say is 'he's being a bit unfair and needs to compromise more'. I hope this doesn't come off as smug or anything, I'm just trying to point out that writing off all our concerns as a normal result of this type of forum is perhaps misguided.

Thinking about some of my exes though, and what I would have written had I been on MN then -- hoo boy. It would have been unanimous LTBs! And quite right too

I'm not seriously suggesting you leave, because I don't think you will, but I think you should be careful. A lot of breakups are gradual, drawn-out affairs. First you have the faux breakup, then you get back together, then there's a bit of distancing.... then there will be fights created out of nothing, a lot of drama about 'I don't know what I want', it goes on and on until finally you break up just to end the drama. I just think you should prepare yourself that at some level your partner may be disengaging from your relationship. That rarely works out in the end.