To ask - tiger mums

[dubbada]

Ok ladies so tiger mums what are the general feelings? Just reading the book and thought I would ask

I think their stripes are very pretty, but I wouldn't want to have one round for tea.

Makes sense lol

I read the book. Sooo extreme...and what for? Yes she has musical daughters, but does that really matter? Stressing over finding a piano on holiday? Why? Reading it was good for me, made me feel laid back! But fascinating....I can see it may encourage them to reach their potential, but at what expense? I'm glad my children have enjoyed their childhood.

Cherry I know just started the book and am hooked can't decide if I go with or against it some parts I think yep makes sense others not so much maybe that's it I have no commitment !

Bonkers, as with most extreme parenting methods.

I am obviously missing something. What is a tiger mum?

I don't have the stamina to be a tiger mum. It sounds exhausting.

I know the tiger mum thing is a ridiculous extreme, but I do think there have been times along the way when I've been way too soft and that my policy of "there's no point in the kids doing something they hate" has enabled them to quit things (I'm thinking violin, basketball, stuff like that) way too readily. Which makes me fret that they'll turn out to be quitters, IYSWIM. On the other hand, there is no point them doing something they'll hate.

I think what a lot of people miss about this book is that it is self-parody. Yes, some of her methods are extreme but not all of them. The extreme bits, she herself has ramped up for the book.

Nothing wrong with being ambitious for your DCs but that tiger mother took it to extremes. If her children (cubs?) have to be pushed every step of the way I wonder how they get to be self disciplined and self motivated?

She needs to have more (or maybe better) sex.

Or less facetiously - I knew a few tiger cubs at Cambridge. It rarely ended well.

I am going to read it now!

Her children achieved an enormous amount, and as a music teacher I found it fascinating. For me the main point of it seemed to be that she never congratulated her children if they hadn't come first place/got full marks. 99% was a disappointment, that kind of thing. That is obviously extreme.

However, I think that children do need encouraging and high expectations and commitment to achieve their full potential. Whether it's in music or football or whatever. If you constantly praise things which aren't really achievements for that particular child, then you do them a disservice. IMHO.

The idea of tiger parenting though is the teaching that your own value of yourself is the most important. Reliance on external praise as the primary measure of self worth doesn't really help.

This type of parenting is indeed quite common amongst Chinese families. Eg DC gets 9 As and 1 B. The question put to them would be: Why did you get a B? It's not to make the child feel bad but to make them understand that that's the area that needs more work.

Can someone link to the book?

I loved her point about chinese parents understand nothing is fun until you're good at it, and it's the parents' job to make you practice until you get to that point.

I expected to be horrified and cats bum mouth when reading it, but found it engaging, self depricating and funny.

Oh its the chinese mother one, got it. Soz, my kindle gave me several tiger mum results.

I am a case in point. I hated the piano (learnt from age 4 onwards) until I was about 15 and got good at it. My mum refused to let me give up, and told me it was good for me. I had a real light bulb moment in my late teens and suddenly began practising 3 hours a day. I now play the piano every single day, it is the most useful (and lucrative) thing I've ever learnt to do. Had my mum not encouraged me even though I went through phases of hating it, I wouldn't be doing the job I'm doing now.

My mother brought me up on 'Well I can't do it for you' , when I see these programmes about 'genius children' 'strictest parents' as mean as it sounds a lot of the children are robots and are not very resourceful in comparison to children who have had 'less privileged' backgrounds, a bit generalization but it is what I have noticed.

showtunesgirl Fri 11-Jan-13 20:10:10
"I think what a lot of people miss about this book is that it is self-parody. Yes, some of her methods are extreme but not all of them. The extreme bits, she herself has ramped up for the book. "

This.

I was quite surprised when I flicked through the book in Waterstones as it wasn't at all what MN had led me to believe. Self deprecating, insecure, honest about things that went wrong, very intellectual American in its tone. (you couldn't imagine a Swede, for instance, writing that book, however Chinese her background)

Which book is this? Sounds interesting ...

This one: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

If you also read her eldest daughter's blog, you will see how they are not mentally scarred for life but seem very funny and bright.

I actually think its a very off course middle class thing. Bear with me please. So you want your child to be able to execute a piece of music perfectly. Fine. But do they appreciate the music? Do they understand the meaning of the music?
Being able to perform is not something that I hope my children can do, I hope they can listen to other people perform and appreciate the art.

Just like I can go to a gallery, I don't want to be an artist, but I can see and appreciate the beauty in others works of art.

I don't want to be a novelist, but I love reading novels.

They've muddled up the composers from the performers. The genius from the monkeys.

It worked for her because her children were fortunate and had some musical talent.
I was made to take up the cello at school, and did ok. I played the recorder really well - I still play them, and enjoyed it, but what only I realised was that, to play recorder, if you put your fingers over the right holes, you get the right note. Everything else is practice. With the cello, I had to be able to hear that I was playing the right note, it can't be learned by rote, and I am tone deaf. I could never pass any Grade exams because they have an oral and tone hearing component, and I can't sing.
If the teacher played two or three notes and asked me which was highest, unless there was about an octave between them, I didn't know.
The school and my parents wanted me to keep going, and thought I was just lazy or couldn't be bothered, and should be made to keep playing and I wasn't allowed to drop it for four years.
I love music, and enjoy my woodwind, but to this day I start to shake and alost cry when I hear a cello, and not for the right reasons :(
Because I was supposed to be "the clever one" (compared to my sister) and "good at things" nobody would listen, and I got into trouble for not being as good at the cello as I was at recorder and at academic stuff. No matter how many hours I practiced, or how hard I tried, I was never, ever going to be any good at the cello.