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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate driving because it makes me nervous

74 replies

Georgia1982 · 10/01/2013 09:14

I have a car and have driven on and off for a few years, although I only tend to do local driving.

I get really nervous before I drive anywhere, and I absolutely hate roundabouts, changing lane etc.

Am I alone or do others feel the same?

OP posts:

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/01/2013 21:34

I was a nervous driver for ages, passed test at 17yo, didn't drive for over 5 years, then drove my aunts car for 1 week, then didn't drive for another 8 or so years!!

We then had a 'giant' Megane and I hated driving it, felt sick, got the shakes etc. We then had the opportunity to buy me a little Clio. It was the best thing we ever did. I drive to work every day now which has built up my confidence. I also worked out what makes me the most nervous (parking and unknown road layouts). I now use Google Maps street view to view the route, I have a sat nav so I'm confident if I take the wrong road I can find my way back and I often park miles away

I'm so much better now. FreeCycle has really helped as I 'win' things and then have to collect (DH won't!). So I often drive across town with my sat nav. I enrolled on a course at work that meant I had to drive places I hadn't been before. It's about getting out in the car, practising driving and having to do things you don't like to build confidence. Sadly when my StepDad passed away, I drove 3hrs to my mums with DD (was on mat leave). It was the very best thing, I had to do it and I felt so brilliant I'd done it. I timed my drive to be in the quieter parts of the day and didn't feel nearly so nervous coming home.

Now my driving is much better, I'm working on parking and trying to attempt parallel parking in quiet streets etc. Don't try to do everything at once!

Our main family car is now smaller than the Megane (a bit of a compromise) so it's small enough I don't mind driving it. Again that's built up my confidence, it's an easy car to drive and I've embarked on several road trips, sharing driving with DH or indeed doing long trips on my own or with DD.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/01/2013 21:45

It's taken me 3 years from buying the Clio to be fine about driving. Not nervous or overly anxious about it. DH has always been supportive but has always pushed me just a little bit, encouraged me, offered helpful hints.

It might take a little bit of time though. Do you have a friend to drive around with? Practise the roundabouts near you, on your routes. Get used to the gears your need approaching and the speed suitable for different sized roundabouts. Confidence changing lanes takes time. I try to think ahead, so a motorway off ramp usually means an on ramp coming up, so I move into the middle lane to make space in plenty of time. I practised changing lane even if I didn't need to, so I could get used to the spaces, how things look in the rearview mirror etc. Start in quiet traffic and build up to busier times and driving at night.

LilyVonSchtupp · 10/01/2013 22:02

BelleDame pooling along in the middle lane IS a driving offence. I know someone who has been ticketed for it. It blocks up lanes and forces drivers to undertake. I hate middle lane drivers.

lalabaloo · 10/01/2013 22:25

I disagree with needing more practice. This may be the case, however I was like you and practiced and practiced, I still felt terrified of driving anywhere and avoided it at all costs. I would be ill with worry if I knew I had to drive even a week in advance. The only thing that helped was being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and having treatment for it. I'm now a confident driver. It has completely changed my life (in every respect not just driving). This might not be the case for you, but just pointing out that some people need more help than just more practice

Avuncular · 10/01/2013 22:42

Now I'm a nervous wreck.

The thought of taking to the road with all these nervous wrecks around is so frightening ........

only joking

More later .....

GothAnneGeddes · 11/01/2013 00:16

Avuncular - thanks so much for the tips, I'll check the videos out.

If I'm still stuck, I'll send you a PM if that's ok.

Avuncular · 11/01/2013 09:00

Goth

Avuncular · 11/01/2013 09:19

Driving Advice Websites

Just found this while surfing if anyone finds any more worth looking at, please post them

CuriousMama · 11/01/2013 09:22

I'm the same but had problems when pg with ds2, going numb down my side. Happened in the car with ds1 in and the fear has stuck. I never drove far anyway. Plus when I passed my test at 20 I couldn't afford a car so no practice. Was a few years before I got a car.

I need to get back to it though and will. I tried CBT but it didn't work for me?

lalabaloo · 11/01/2013 09:39

CuriousMama, I am having CBT alongside taking medication, for the anxiety not for the driving but it all seems to have the same root cause for me anyway

CuriousMama · 12/01/2013 20:13

lalabaloo hope it works for you?
I'm really feeling the need to drive at the moment? Dp's off next week so think I'll have another go.

PurpleStorm · 12/01/2013 21:28

Agree that you need to get more practice, in most cases this will increase your confidence.

Taking refresher or advanced driving lessons might also help you gain confidence.

chunkydory · 12/01/2013 22:17

lalabaloo (apols all for thread hijack) I have severe anxiety and have had to stop driving altogether as it was making me worse despite cbt. do you mind me asking which meds you use? Thanks

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 12/01/2013 22:45

YANBU

I'm in the same situation. I passed my test first time when I was 7 months pregnant, then didn't drive again until DS was 2 months old. Mum gave me her car, which is like a tin can compared to my instructor's car. It's much less unforgiving about the clutch and I stalled it several times until my foot finally got the muscle memory for the exact amount of pressure it needed.

I booked a refresher lesson with my instructor in my car, which was a confidence boost as I was perfectly fine, just felt nauseous. My Mum has made me drive a few times and she also says I'm good, but I avoid it like the plague. It doesn't help having DS in the back.

I've only done familiar routes so far. My plan of action is to drive to a different village each week - about 20mins round trip - with my best friend watching DS so I can just focus on driving. I want to conquer this fear! At a family gathering recently I kept having nightmares the night before, felt sick in the morning, drove well on the way there, then spent the whole day feeling anxious about the drive back!

It's reassuring that others feel the same! Maybe we need a driving motivation thread for all nervous drivers to post their accomplishments on and to motivate each other?

CuriousMama · 12/01/2013 22:50

Incredible you start the thread then and I'll join I'm going to go out next week when dp's off as need him with me for first few trips. Then I can be independent.

What shall we call the thread?

CuriousMama · 12/01/2013 22:51

Motor-vation?

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 12/01/2013 22:54

Motor-vation - great name Curious! Where should it be? In chat?

CuriousMama · 12/01/2013 22:56

Chat disappears and has limited posting.

If it's anxiety related then Mental health tbh. But there may be somewhere else? I have no qualms about MH as I post on it

CuriousMama · 12/01/2013 23:00

Had a look only other place is 'Other stuff'? I thought there'd be a motoring topic?

The great oudoors perhaps?

LibraryMum8 · 12/01/2013 23:04

YANBU!! I despise driving, but I absolutely love to get out and around and be independent, so driving where we live is a must.

I have generalised anxiety, and twice when I had severe episodes I was physically unable to drive. My shrink at the time told me because I find driving nerve wrenching usually, but 'can' do it when I'm on an even keel (last episode was 15 years ago...so they are rare) but when I'm not my mind just can't handle the stress.

I also hate roundabouts, I drive one way and can make it to my destination but I try to get home and it's like I'm blank. Best thing I ever did was get a car GPS - I refuse to live without one.

Before web driving directions and GPS - I would have to practice going to destinations at least once or twice (like before job interviews, etc.) to make sure I would not get lost.

Like I said, I don't like driving but I go mad staying at home so I go, I am not a detriment on the road so I'm ok. But it does make me nervous (sometimes very) and if I were rich the first thing I'd get would be a live in driver to just take me where I wanted each day.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 13/01/2013 11:21

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1658217-Motor-vation-for-anxiety-sufferers

Ok, thread started in MH. Come join!

trixymalixy · 13/01/2013 11:26

I have felt anxious about driving too. As others have said the only way to get over it is to drive every day.

CuriousMama · 13/01/2013 14:24

well done IPTIC I'll be there

CuriousMama · 13/01/2013 14:34

Linked it from AIBU so no excuse for you all not to come

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