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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate driving because it makes me nervous

74 replies

Georgia1982 · 10/01/2013 09:14

I have a car and have driven on and off for a few years, although I only tend to do local driving.

I get really nervous before I drive anywhere, and I absolutely hate roundabouts, changing lane etc.

Am I alone or do others feel the same?

OP posts:
atthewelles · 10/01/2013 13:44

I agree with others. Make yourself get out and drive regularly and it will soon become habit. When I started driving properly I forced myself to drive into work every day. The first couple of weeks I was a nervous wreck but then I found I was listening to the radio, thinking about something that had happened in work that day, and just driving automatically without worrying about it.

ArtemisatBrauron · 10/01/2013 13:45

No YADNBU, I hate driving for the same reason, but have resolved to try my best to practise more and drive short distances every day to try and get more confident and have booked a set of 4 hours extra lessons with the instructor who taught me to drive as well, hopefully this will do the trick!

Avuncular · 10/01/2013 13:56

Hi I am a driving instructor wishing to help.

Total sympathy for you all; would you like a thread just addressing all these issues?

If so where should I put it? Health?

In the mean time here is a whole new set of excellent teaching videos on YouTube. I don't work for the company concerned but I found them during the Christmas break and thought they were excellent. 'Subscribe' to find the others.

PM me if you prefer.

Avuncular · 10/01/2013 14:13

Swanthing

If you passed your test you are safe to drive.< No No No!

Passing your test is a fantastic achievement, and it's so difficult nowadays that you can be really proud of yourself. Most of the other people on the road today would not easily pass today's test, because of the volume of traffic and the care which is needed.

However .... and partly because of the above .... Passing your test only means that on the day, for those 30-40 mins, you drove well enough to convince the examiner that you are safe enough to go out and continue learning on your own.

The real learning to drive starts now. You can never stop.

It's a jungle out there (as you've probably noticed). If you want to see some of the things which can easily go wrong look at the playlists on YouTube 'SafedriverN'. You need to be able to 'drive defensively' so that you can avoid these things happening to you.

GothAnneGeddes · 10/01/2013 15:19

Avuncular - I am very nervous about motorway driving. It scares the crap out of me. Do you have any tips?

Avuncular · 10/01/2013 19:27

Goth

Me too sometimes - will have a think and get back to you.

In the meantime do take a refresher on the basics with that youtube reference 'lesson 12 dual carriageways' I think there may be a pure motorway lesson there too.

Do you have in mind any particular motorways or junctions? (without giving away your location).
We can look at them all on Google Earth and discuss the detail nowadays.

stargirl1701 · 10/01/2013 19:28

You need to get out and drive more. Just go on pleasant drives for no other purpose.

elizaregina · 10/01/2013 19:31

YADNBU

and there are soo many stupid drivers on the roads, people seem to take more risks in hih denisty traffic in dangerous conditions....

esp on dark , fast country roads - an absolute nightmare....

Pigsmummy · 10/01/2013 19:36

The more that you drive the more confident that you will become, don't let this become an issue.

Hydrophilic · 10/01/2013 19:37

Goth- I found the only way to get over my fear of motorways was to do it. If it's busy, you don't have to overtake you can stay in the left lane.

If you do want to overtake, plan it early and signal so that everyone else knows what you are doing. Check your mirrors a lot so you know what's going on around you. Move back into the left lane as soon as it is clear. Resist the urge to sit in the middle lane to avoid changing lanes, which I'm sure you wouldn't do Wink.

Avuncular · 10/01/2013 19:38

Eliza

How do you suggest we cure the 'stupid driver' problem ? ......

TheOriginalNutcracker · 10/01/2013 19:41

You have my sympathy OP.

I passed first time, umm 3 years ago i think, and I was so proud of myself. Unfortunatly as soon as I got my own car, my confidence completely vanished and I was a nervous wreck.

I was absolutly terrified, and felt so so stupid for not just getting on with it. I hated the car i'd bought, and wanted the car I learnt in.

I cried down the phone to my dad so so many times. After 3mths I had a minor bump, and that was it, as far as I was concerned it was game over. I did go back out in the car once after that but I absolutly hated it. My dad had the car, and I went back to using the bus.

After 12 mths I started to regret giving up so easily. I bought another little car and made myself go out every single, day, only locally, but every little helps.
Like you, I hate it if I am going somewhere that I'm not familiar with. I analyse my route down to every single turn, and will play the route over and over in my head.

I am loads better than I was though, and day to day I do actually love driving now, and that is something that I never ever thought would happen. Ive still not been on the motorway, cos i want someone to go on with me first,, but I know i will eventually. I go further afield every now and again and once I have done it, i wonder what I was worried about.

2 things i'd say are, 1) don't always assume that you are doing something wrong. I was paranoid if someone beeped that it was me. One man did once beep me and my dad was with me and said i had done absolutly nothing wrong. I now ignore any beeps.

  1. don't feel like you have to drive if you don't want to. Before i gave it up the first time it was making me feel so ill and stressed and it wasn't worth it. If you want to give it up then do, there is no shame in it. You can always give it another go later on if you want to.
Avuncular · 10/01/2013 19:53

Goth

What Hydro said - but here are some numbers and techniques from a PM I recently did for someone else.

Not the full story but if you're doing all I suggest, come back to me and we'll talk some more on motorways.

LANE CHANGE OBSERVATION (Described for right but technique applies to left as well). NOTE that if you can see a vehicle in your mirrors, then it IS behind you (however close). SO ....
driving along, you realise you need to change lanes.

You have (of course!) been keeping an eye on traffic behind using the main (central) mirror, every 5-10 seconds.

To move into the lane on the right, you need to be doing AT LEAST the same speed as the vehicles in that lane. (If you're having to move across because the traffic ahead is too slow, then you need to plan in good time, because otherwise you won't have room/time to accelerate. A good guideline is to aim to start the move when 4 seconds behind the car ahead. Not always possible in busy traffic but the skills will grow. (At 70 mph, 3 seconds is the time between the red/white/blue marker posts along the edge of the hard shoulder)

Check right door mirror for upcoming traffic. Give a signal (not just as a vehicle is about to pass you - you'll give him a heart attack, but just after your indicators are out of his sight), and look fo help from the vehicles behind.

They MAY flash headlights for you, or more probably, you'll see them drop back or at least synchronise their speed with yours. If they are moving across the mirror from left to right, they're gaining on you; if they're moving across the mirror from right to left they're dropping back.[Note to self - must check Ive got that the right way round!]

Most probably you'll see them stay on one place in the right-hand door mirror. They MUST be behind you, so all you have to do is a quick 'shoulder check' to make sure you haven't failed to see someone move into the 'blind spot' alongside your driver's door. If there's no-one there, then gently move across into the lane on the right, keeping your speed but being prepared to slow a bit to increase the gap with the car in front, if necessary, once you're in that lane.

Braking is not a good idea; you may set up a 'traffic wave' of brakelights behind you and you will not then be popular.

JOB DONE.

REMEMBER to do the same for others as appropriate if they need to change lanes. LOOK AHEAD and anticipate their needs. But don't be TOO helpful; if they're not observant enough to see you helping them, they DESERVE to be 'boxed in'. But drive 'defensively', ie keep a weather eye out for the other 'clowns' who move across at the last minute anyway.

Hydrophilic · 10/01/2013 20:08

Keep an eye out on the motorway for the person stuck behind the lorry. Sometimes they are happy to be there but 9/10 they are itching to get past. Leave a gap for them if you can or if not possible then anticipate them pulling out suddenly.

As Avuncular says, it's about planning and it does become 2nd nature. If you indicate with plenty of time, people usually (not always) help you.

BsshBossh · 10/01/2013 20:26

Refresher courses with a driving instructor really helped me deal with nerves. Feel much, much more confident as a result - plus have forced myself to drive long distances, motorways etc.

BsshBossh · 10/01/2013 20:29

What also helped me was to go out driving every day on different routes that I'd planned out in advance in Google Maps/sat nav so I could visualise in advance the lanes on the complex roundabouts or the various junctions on unfamilar roads etc.

Drive every day and pre-plan your routes.

pointythings · 10/01/2013 20:32

I wouldn't say that nervous is necessarily bad - you have to look at what happens around you. Do you normally end up with a long stream of cars behind you? When on dual carriageways, are you permanently in the left hand lane with lorries constantly overtaking you? Do you get honked at when waiting at roundabouts pretty much every day? If yes, then you could probably do with a confidence booster lesson, just so that you adapt your driving to the rest of the traffic (without becoming a cocky idiot!).

If no, you're fine.

I consider myself confident and have a good driving record, but there are times when I am nervous and when those nerves give me an edge - in fog, in icy conditions, in rain - I am always in a state of heightened awareness when driving conditions are bad as compared to normal.

In general I drive in the expectation that someone is bound to do something stupid at some point (as in 'that's not a gap, that's my braking distance!') so that by the time the stupid happens, I have anticipated it and am already dealing with it.

mashpot · 10/01/2013 20:39

I only passed a year ago and I feel the same, I dread getting in the car, don't enjoy wherever I am because all I can think about is having to get home again. After I burst a wheel when I hit a curb parking I stopped. I hate myself for it. I just can't get the confidence to get out there. I don't have the time to get everyday and I don't think I will ever become a proper driver. Furious with myself for wasting so much money passing the bloody test.

VitoCorleone · 10/01/2013 20:40

Agree with others, get out in your car as often as possible.

In my instructors car i was really confident. Im my old banger i was a nervous wreck, kept stalling, hated junctions, hated going faster than 40MPH, constantly thought i was doing something wrong.

To get out of my street you have to come out of a really bad junction, its on top of a steep hill, completely blind, and has a bend right next to it so you dont see a car until it is about 10 feet away. That junction is a fucking nightmare, my aunty has been driving over 20 years and refuses to come near my end of town simply because of it.

Unfortunatly, i cant avoid it. That junction put me off driving for a loooong time.

But i just decided one day, i was going to conquer that fucker. And eventually i did.

I started driving into town. Then into another town. Then down back roads and just generally doing a bit of exploring. The more i drive, the better i feel about it (and i was a very nervous driver)

Ok ive really rambled on here, but my point is, face your fear and do it anyway, practice makes perfect.

VitoCorleone · 10/01/2013 20:41

Agree with others, get out in your car as often as possible.

In my instructors car i was really confident. Im my old banger i was a nervous wreck, kept stalling, hated junctions, hated going faster than 40MPH, constantly thought i was doing something wrong.

To get out of my street you have to come out of a really bad junction, its on top of a steep hill, completely blind, and has a bend right next to it so you dont see a car until it is about 10 feet away. That junction is a fucking nightmare, my aunty has been driving over 20 years and refuses to come near my end of town simply because of it.

Unfortunatly, i cant avoid it. That junction put me off driving for a loooong time.

But i just decided one day, i was going to conquer that fucker. And eventually i did.

I started driving into town. Then into another town. Then down back roads and just generally doing a bit of exploring. The more i drive, the better i feel about it (and i was a very nervous driver)

Ok ive really rambled on here, but my point is, face your fear and do it anyway, practice makes perfect. I still

Drywhiteplease · 10/01/2013 21:02

georgia and all other fellow nervous drivers you have my utmost sympathy.

You can have a laugh at my horrendous driving phobia.....

I crashed and wrote off my fathers car when I was 17 Sad......When he was teaching me to drive!!!! I'm the only person I know who had points on a provisional licence Hmm It was pretty bad psychologically and I did not get behind a steering wheel again for 4 years.

After uni and before I started work I decided I had to learn to drive and did in 6 weeks and passed!!!!!Shock

I lived in London so did not get a car until I moved to the countryside 7 years later. Zero confidence. In theory I was safe to drive but no clue and extremely nervous Sad. I'm not a nervous person....I'm v confident but driving has been my Achilles' tendon and my biggest achievement.

At 27 I had some refresher courses and slowly got more confident in my v old car (no power steering, cassette player...oh yeh those were the days!Grin)...all journeys had to be planned to avoid round about s and hills!!!!and of course motorways....don't be silly, MOTORWAYS!!!!

Although driving was always a secret fear I got over it by practicing and taking the piss out of myself. Comments such as

" I wish the foot well was lit so I can see the pedals " and " I think you need an illuminated screen on the dash board to tell you what gear you're in" did not help my cause!!!

Then I got a new car with a sun roof that leaked every time I turned right....took to wearing a cagool in the car I got that fed up getting wet!!!!

Before I was 40 30 i made a list of things I wanted to do ( parachute, see Robbie in the flesh, have mad party etc) and top of the list was to conquer motorways in my new birthday car ( CD player, air con, no leaks....heavenSmile) I don't drive on motorways often ( use the excuse that my DH drives better and we'll get there quicker and that I can't drive a his 4x4...... Pathetic!). Took some motorway lessons to conquer fear of joining them...yikes.

op et all it's a bit of a ramble but all that to say that Its now ( oh my god...30 yrs since the crash) a confident driver....and it's honestly my biggest achievement and I feel so proud of myself. Seriously if I can do it, you really can.

It's all down to practice....don't take 30 yrs like me!!!!

MysteriousHamster · 10/01/2013 21:07

Of course the supremely confident drivers have decided everyone who is nervous is a danger.

Ridiculous. I am nervous in that I don't like driving but I'm perfectly fine behind the wheel. I am decisive at roundabouts. I can change lanes. I just don't like it and I sometimes feel nervous that I'm having to do it all. But I'm perfectly competent.

I do agree that driving more helps. I disagree that the first response to someone who is nervous is to get refresher lessons - it really depends on whether they're nervous and quaking or just not a massive fan of some aspects of driving.

sweetkitty · 10/01/2013 21:08

Was just thinking the exact same thing, I have to drive to somewhere I've never been tomorrow and it's making me feel sick. I drive almost every day too hate driving, hate parking just hate it and hate myself for being like this. It holds me back especially from going nice places with the DC at the summer. Sad

Pixieonthemoor · 10/01/2013 21:17

You have my sympathy OP - I too was a nervous wreck for many years. I still would be a little apprehensive driving for the first time somewhere completely new but I reckon I could handle pretty much anything now! Practice really is key but the thing that made a real difference for me was, when we replaced our car, buying an automatic. Not having to bother with clutch control, gear selection and even remembering what gear I was in is now a thing of the past. It is just one less thing to have to think about and you can concentrate more on the traffic, signs, turns etc. If you don't have an automatic right now, is that something you may be able to consider at some point in the future?

BelleDameSansMerci · 10/01/2013 21:27

And, if you're driving on a motorway keep in the left hand land unless you are over-taking. Pootling along in the middle lane or (worse) the third lane of a four lane motorway should be a driving offence, IMO.

I love driving and always have done. I wish I could pass that feeling onto those of you who don't. It's not about driving fast, it's about driving well. I am easily pleased by perfect parallel parking. I also need to get a life

Agree with everyone saying practice more - it's like everything, the more you practice the better you are likely to be.