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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect PIL to pay for the presents they bought the DCs for Christmas?

62 replies

Virgil · 09/01/2013 13:59

Bracing myself.... I don't usually do AIBUs!

PIL asked what the Dcs would like for Christmas. They do this every year and I have no problem with providing suggestions to fit their budget (even though I struggle to think of gifts myself!). This year it was something they wouldn't have a clue about and it was an ebay store selling and so I offered to order the gifts to be delivered to their house. In total they came to ninety pounds which I have paid for.

The money for these has not materialised. We have seen them three times since then. AIBU to ask for it? This has happened twice before. I ought to have learnt my lesson!!

They also then bought the DCs a book each but when we left their house on Christmas Day the books had disappeared and I couldn't find them. We subsequently went to their house and I saw the books upstairs. DS2 has been asking for his and was disappointed when I told him I couldn't find it. He then also saw it at PIL house and said that he'd asked to bring it home and they'd then said it didn't belong to him it belonged to them and he couldn't bring it home.

AIBU to say "oh did we leave the DCs books here on Christmas Day" or would you just drop it over a book?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 09/01/2013 18:43

I would send a text rather than phone. "Hi MIL, hope you were happy with the things I bought for you for the children. The children loved them. My credit card bill's come through now reminding me - will you be able to give me the money to pay it next time I see you?"

JustFabulous · 09/01/2013 18:53

What she said to your child about the books is awful.

Give a child a present then take it back and say it isn't yours is really going to mess with their heads.

Chrysanthemum5 · 09/01/2013 18:58

Could they just have forgotten? I buy the DCs presents for my ILs as they are quite elderly and it's just easier for me to buy the gifts. Generally they pay me back, but sometimes they forget. I've not reminded them because they are incredibly generous with money, and their time so I don't really mind. However, if I needed the money then I would just speak to them and say the credit card bill has arrived so could we settle up for the gifts?

Also with the books, the PIL have things they have bought the DCs and those toys stay at the PILs house so the DCs have something to play with at their house. It's never been a birthday or Christmas gift though, and I think that's a bit unfair on your DCs. Again I'd just say the book would really help your DS so you'd like to take it home.

If they don't talk to you again over it then fair enough, at least you know you've been reasonable so it's their problem. I imagine they will just apologise for forgetting though.

ledkr · 09/01/2013 19:08

They sound odd anyway. Why wouldn't they take some pleasure from buying their gc some presents themselves?
At least the way it is the children actually got to keep the presents I guess.
You should ask for it but I understand its uncomfortable to.
So next year just say no you can't afford it along with all the other expense of Xmas. They will know why.
My parents did a lot for me too but they do buy gifts for their grandchildren. Your dh is just scared to ask for the money.

ledkr · 09/01/2013 19:34

Re the books you could tell them ds is confused and did they mean keep them at theirs for visits? Bit less direct.

MummytoKatie · 09/01/2013 19:56

A text "hi - have you posted the cheque for dc's Xmas presents as it hasn't turned up and I'm really worried it's been stolen.'

Squeakygate · 09/01/2013 19:58

What sparkle said

Anniegetyourgun · 09/01/2013 20:08

You know the old saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, stamp MUG on my forehead and walk all over my prone body. (Er, I may have made up that last bit.)

They did it twice before, that is what the Plod call "having previous". You don't trust people like that. But fancy defrauding their own DS so they can look as if they're generous to their grandchildren without actually spending any of their own money.

Weirdos.

maddening · 09/01/2013 20:52

Ask mil if she can pick up something you need when she's in town next as you're a bit busy - if it's the same value then say " we'll call it quits from the xmas pressies :)

penguinplease · 09/01/2013 21:03

Don't text, that is cowardly.. also you should not worry about "rocking the boat" and really you should have said something in the past about the money if they have done that before. If they attempt to do it again ask for the money upfront and if they don't provide it then shame on them when they have nothing to give your kids!

But in this instance if it were me I would not be able to let it go. Do you often go round to see them and is it always prearranged or do you pop in? Either way I'd make a point of mentioning the money, just say every so nicely "oh were the presents that I got the the dcs on your behalf for Xmas ok? Is now a good time to sort the money out?".
With regard to the books I agree that you need to get them out and have them used while you are there and then when you are packing up pick them up and hold them, don't put them down and just say "won't forget to take these with us this time" .

They sound odd and your DH sounds like a typical man who doesn't want to get involved. Just bite the bullet. Who gives a shit what they think of you, they clearly don't give a shit what you think of them!

pigletmania · 09/01/2013 22:27

I know you could get similar books for your ds but it's the principle, tey treated their grandchildren shoddily and you should not tolerate it. Fuck rocking the boat, your dc come first. As for the money iwould remind them a couple of times, if no money materialise do nt mak te mistake again

lisianthus · 09/01/2013 23:02

What Anniegetyourgun said. And I see that they also have previous form in disliking you and acting weirdly and rudely about it in not talking to you for years. And YOU are the one who seems to feel guilty/obligated/walking on eggshells as a result of that behaviour. Why is that?

Is this non-payment thing a way to have a go at you? They must know you aren't rolling in it, and your DH seems to be a bit rubbish about sticking up for you. Are they trying to drive a wedge between you or something, and are there other things they do like this?

And I'm not impressed by your DS. After pulling a stunt like the "not-talking" incident, your PILs should have apologised, or your DH should be seeing them as "on probation" and insisting they respect his wife, not allowing them to treat you like this!

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