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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should stop spending money?

36 replies

YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:00

My oh recently came into some money (about £1000) & has been like a kid in a sweet shop spending it. So far he's bought a new kayak (£530) an Xbox (£150) and a heart monitor (£180). I'm on maternity leave at the moment so our monthly budget is quite tight - yesterday I had to go into my overdraft because ds needed some nappies. It's his money & my general principle is he doesn't need my permission to spend his own money, but it's starting to get me down that I'm struggling for money & he's treating himself to all these lovely things. Not long after he got the money he suggested booking a family holiday & I really loved the idea but now he's spent most of his money I don't think we can afford it. When I mentioned that to him this morning he said 'haven't you got money in savings?' (Which I do - but I intend to use that to stay off work an extra month with ds). Am I being selfish? X

OP posts:
Moominsarehippos · 09/01/2013 07:10

He's being a bit selfish. Ok splurge of a wee gift but blow the whole lot on just him!

cogitosum · 09/01/2013 07:14

Surely nappies and living costs should be both if your responsibility not just you. These should take priority regardless of where money comes from.

BigShinyBaubles · 09/01/2013 07:16

Yes he is being selfish. A family holiday sounds lovely..does he buy nappies as well?
Myself and my oh don't have seperate bank accounts, savings etc so if either of us came into some money we would both decide what to do with it. Completely 50/50 and he earns more than I do.

littlewhitebag · 09/01/2013 07:21

He sounds very selfish. A new x box would have been enough then the rest used to benefit the family.

HollyBerryBush · 09/01/2013 07:25

I have to ask - a heart monitor? just why?

CabbageLeaves · 09/01/2013 07:30

Sport holly. It's quite a common purchase for keen sports people but most buy a lot cheaper than that.

It doesn't sound as if he sees any financial responsibility for your children his children ??

I'd be upset as well. You need to talk to him

He should be using his savings to support bringing up your child equally with you....not you funding everything

StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 07:30

Why are you going into your overdraft for essentials, does he not contribute to household expenses? Does he know you're going to use your savings to pay for extra time off? Is it his child? If ao why is he not xontributingv

diddl · 09/01/2013 07:30

You have a baby together.

I don´t get why all money isn´t joint tbh.

Dipping into savings to buy essentials is just crazy.

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:31

The heart monitor is an exercise thing. He wears it when he goes cycling to work out his optimum performance Hmm! And although he doesn't specifically buy nappies he gives me a big chunk of his wages each month to help with joint expenses like mortgage, bills, supermarket shop. These things come out of my account cos we don't have a joint account. X

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 07:31

Oh ffs! *If so why is he not contributing more towards him?

StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 07:32

Have you drawn a budget up together? It seems very early in the month for you to be running completely out of money.

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:35

It's actually quite late in the month - we both get paid on 15th. No, we haven't drawn up a budget. Maybe I should suggest that. X

OP posts:
fuckadoodlepoopoo · 09/01/2013 07:36

If i came into money i would discuss what to do with it with my dh. Id probably buy us both a treat and then do something sensible with the rest or pay for the holiday for all of us or something.

Have you mentioned to him that you thought he was going to contribute towards a holiday but he's now spent nearly all his money, did he not want a holiday anymore then? Might make him stop and think.

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:37

And yes stunt girl it is his child & he does know what I'm using my savings for. I saved up while I was pregnant so I could take as much time off as possible. X

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 09/01/2013 07:38

Ok - I didn't know that about the sport thing!

And although he doesn't specifically buy nappies he gives me a big chunk of his wages each month to help with joint expenses like mortgage, bills, supermarket shop. These things come out of my account cos we don't have a joint account

So he is paying his way?

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:44

Yes HollyBerryBush, he is paying his way. I guess the reason my money didn't stretch far enough this month is cos I bought a couple of dresses & some new undies in the January sales (Under £100). Maybe I shouldn't have done this but I wanted a little treat too Blush. x

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 09/01/2013 07:47

So he gives you a big percentage of his wage, you can spend on treats for yourself but he cant as you need nappies? You need to budget properly, if you spent on dresses rather than essentials for the baby then its not your OH's fault.

StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 07:49

Ah I see. Ok, first things first you need to sit down with him and draw up a family budget! How are things split right now, is it 50/50 or proportional to your incomes?

Secondly get £20 and squirrell it away somewhere in the house as an emergency stash if you ever need it.

I would, as part of the financial conversation, mention the money he got too, in a "What are you going to do with what's left?" kind of way. You can't tell him how to spend it, but to treat himself over and over while the family finances are at zero is pretty selfish. In fact I'd have asked him to go and get essentials for the baby if the other option had been dipping in the overdraft.

StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 07:50

Neither of you sound particularly money savvy, did he contribute towards the savings too?

Moominsarescary · 09/01/2013 07:54

So he can blow £800 on stuff for himself but the op can't spend less than £100 on things for herself, then even though he has money he says she should use her savings. This is why I prefere to have a joint account.

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:56

Think a family budget is definitely the way forward. He currently gives me about 50% of his wage & that, along with my maternity pay covers mortgage, bills, supermarket shop etc. HappyMummyOfOne; you make a fair point & maybe I shouldn't have bought any clothes. I would never say he can't treat himself, it's just the amount that he's spent treating himself that bothers me. x

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 08:01

I guess we're not very money savvy but I'd like to think I'm marginally better than him. My savings were built up entirely by me & were not as much as I hoped because I'd previously dipped into my savings to get things like a new exhaust for his car because he doesn't have any savings at all. I've never been very good at budgets & things but have always managed to live within my means & try to put money into savings whenever I can. He's more a spend every penny he's got kind of person. It never bothered me before because I wasn't relying on his money before. x

OP posts:
FirstTimeForEverything · 09/01/2013 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unicornshoes · 09/01/2013 08:07

OP - this thread has really struck a cord with me. Your P sounds very much like my now EXP. I ended up using all my savings during maternity leave and can count on one hand how many times he bought nappies etc. He was also very selfish with money, never had a joint account and what's his was his and nappies according to him should be bought with CB which was put into my account even though I was struggling every month as he carried on as normal.

No you're not being selfish - please don't let him spoil your maternity leave, insist on a joint account or at least some spare cash now you're a family on a more even keel.

Moominsarescary · 09/01/2013 08:07

So after the bills are paid does he have more disposable income left than you?