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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should stop spending money?

36 replies

YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 07:00

My oh recently came into some money (about £1000) & has been like a kid in a sweet shop spending it. So far he's bought a new kayak (£530) an Xbox (£150) and a heart monitor (£180). I'm on maternity leave at the moment so our monthly budget is quite tight - yesterday I had to go into my overdraft because ds needed some nappies. It's his money & my general principle is he doesn't need my permission to spend his own money, but it's starting to get me down that I'm struggling for money & he's treating himself to all these lovely things. Not long after he got the money he suggested booking a family holiday & I really loved the idea but now he's spent most of his money I don't think we can afford it. When I mentioned that to him this morning he said 'haven't you got money in savings?' (Which I do - but I intend to use that to stay off work an extra month with ds). Am I being selfish? X

OP posts:
FirstTimeForEverything · 09/01/2013 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 08:15

Yes Moominsarescary. After the bills are paid he has significantly more disposable income than me. And is very good at disposing of it! Winkx

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/01/2013 08:16

If you need to go into od to buy essentials then clearly what he is giving you for general household expenses isn't enough. It simply isn't prudent financially to have one running up debt and another with savings. Now you have a baby together you really need to rethink how to manage your accounts and perhaps have a joint one to avoid this. It may come down to holiday vs extra month off work .

Rikalaily · 09/01/2013 08:17

So he spends his £1000 and then expects you to pay for a holiday out of your savings instead of being able to take an extra month off with your new baby? He's not just selfish, he's a knobber and I would be absolutely furious if my partner pulled a stunt like that.

Buying yourself a few bits of clothes for under a hundred quid is just fine, he gets half of his wage to himself every month, you have just had a baby and are entitled to some new clothes bought with some of your maternity pay. £100 on some clothes isn't in the same league as blowing nearly £1k on luxuries so don't you dare feel guilty for buying yourself a few bits.

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 08:19

Thanks rikalaily - you made me laugh when you called him a knobber! x

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 09/01/2013 08:21

The savings didn't pay for the nappies though - the savings paid for the new clothes bought in the sales - as that's the extra unusual expense.

He is NBU spending his windfall how he wanted, although he was about the family holiday and then not spending it. However it's clear that the windfall has shown up disparity in how money is dealt with in the relationship and YANBU to sort that out to something more equitable.

unicornshoes · 09/01/2013 08:22

"significantly more disposable income than me" seems very unfair, I'd nip this in the bud sooner rather than later, I talk from experience. Don't let it get to a point where your virtually begging for cash to use for essentials in the future. Might sound far fetched now, but can happen!

StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 08:23

Well that's the beauty of a budget - the figures are all there in black and white in front of you. When you see the gaping inequality in your finances in front of you it would be hard for him to argue against putting more into the family pot.

Could you pay proportionally? Currently my boyfriend and I pay 2/3 and 1/3 respectively because I don't earn much while I'm studying and he works full time. Rent and bills are accounted for, some in savings each and then what's left is divided between us for to spend. When I'm qualified I'll earn more than him so we'll review and amend it then. Would he agree to that?

Original poster
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 08:30

He'd definitely agree to doing a budget & I think he'll put in more if he sees how tight it is. The clothes thing was a one off & I very rarely spend money on myself - even less since ds was born. x

OP posts:
OhTheConfusion · 09/01/2013 08:39

You need to review your 'joint' financial outgoings now you have a baby. Is your DP putting in more to the 'family pot' now the baby is here or is it still the same as before?

Child benefit is not going to cover nappies,wipes, bath products, food, clothes, shoes, toys, bedding, new pushchair etc in the future so these things need to be budgeted for. If you could afford to cover the daily basics... nappies, wipes, food etc between you I would try to save the child benefit to cover things that crop up, birthdays and christmas for the baby.

Also YANBU, your DP seems really selfish.

noblegiraffe · 09/01/2013 08:39

He should not only be contributing 50% of his income to household expenses because his income is way more than 50% of your joint income.

I'm just off on maternity leave, my income and savings will be paying for nappies, food and petrol, my DH will be paying the mortgage, utilities, insurance and childcare. He is paying out way more than me because he earns way more than me.

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