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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider saying that dd2 can only be in play if dd1 is?

52 replies

3birthdaybunnies · 08/01/2013 07:12

I know that I am being a bit U but both girls want to audition for the school play (they are yr3 and yr1). Dd1 auditioned last time when she was in yr1, and didn't get a part, she was a bit upset, but got over it. Now this has come around again, dd1 is fairly philosophical, but would really like to do it. Dd2 wants to do it because dd1 is.

Dd1 has always enjoyed getting up in assemblies, she has a good singing voice and good sense of timing. Dd2 is more timid in assemblies, doesn't like the limelight much in big crowds, and although the play might be good for her confidence I would rather see her encouraged more too join in in assemblies than thrown in at deep end. She is however more petite and dainty than dd1. Both girls have wonderful qualities, but dd1 is more of a natural performer. They have had different teachers in the school, so whoever is running the auditions probably won't know both girls well.

I wouldn't mind if neither of them got a part (well I would a bit, but we'd get over it), or if both of them did, but I just feel that it would be a 5 month source of tension in the family if dd2 does it and not dd1.

OP posts:
lougle · 08/01/2013 07:14

You can't do that.

LittleMissFantabulous · 08/01/2013 07:14

If they audition they should get chosen on merit, not to help harmonise your family dynamic.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 08/01/2013 07:15

Yr1 and yr3 have to audition? That's so sad :(
Even when I was in school, everyone got a part if they wanted one

RedHelenB · 08/01/2013 07:15

YABU - why should one girl miss out? They may well be better at different things. Your job is to teach them that just because one dd got what they wanyted this time doesn't mean it will always be like that 0 that in life they will have a share of successes & failure. Oh & teach them to be happy at each others efforts.

Gumby · 08/01/2013 07:15

That's life though

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 08/01/2013 07:16

My primary school, not high school btw

BeckAndCall · 08/01/2013 07:16

Don't be ridiculous. Families support each other in their achievements - they are not held back because one member has different strengths.

ginmakesitallok · 08/01/2013 07:16

YABU - your girls need to learn that they have different skills and will have different opportunities. Would you deny DD1 the opportunity if DD2 didn't get in??

MadameCastafiore · 08/01/2013 07:16

You know what the school is going to say don't you.

HecatePropolos · 08/01/2013 07:18

God no. You can't do that.

5madthings · 08/01/2013 07:19

Yabvvu its life and your job as a parent is to support your children through exactly this type of situation!!

BlueberryHill · 08/01/2013 07:20

Seriously? Please do try it and let us know how it goes, please describe teachers stunned look in detail.

Everyone else has said it so well, that is life, each child has different strengths and will have different achievements. Better get used to it and concentrate on the children being glad for each other.

OnceUponAThyme · 08/01/2013 07:21

YABU, they will be chosen on who is best suited to the role.

noblegiraffe · 08/01/2013 07:23

If dd2 doesn't get a part, just point out that dd1 didn't either when she was in Y1 and she survived.

Original poster
3birthdaybunnies · 08/01/2013 07:24

Ok so I am being U, and no I wouldn't deny dd1 the opportunity as she didn't do it in yr 1 either so easy to explain to dd2. I think dd2 would struggle being in the play, but I don't want to say no to her and not dd1, as dd1 had the same opportunity at her age. Dd2 has many wonderful qualities, but she doesn't like standing up in assemblies, and I think would find it hard, but would be more confident if dd1 is there. Will just see how it all goes. Dd1 would be v supportive of dd2 but also v upset, she takes things slightly more to heart than dd2. I wish they did give parts to anyone who wanted to do it, but hey that's life. Thanks folks.

OP posts:
blueemerald · 08/01/2013 07:24

Are you saying your dd2 may get a part because some might think her cuter than dd1? Even though dd2 is a better performer? If so, then this isn't about not supporting talents, is it? If dd2 is too shy she will probably not get a part or a very small one.
Does seem harsh to make such small children audition though.

PrimrosePath · 08/01/2013 07:25

If one gets a part and the other doesn't, are you going to insist that the lucky dd turns down the role or are you going to demand a part for the other dd?

I can't see either option being good.

blueemerald · 08/01/2013 07:25

Sorry I meant even though dd1 is the better performer.

littlewhitebag · 08/01/2013 07:26

It is your job as a parent to prepare your children for life in the big bad world and that starts the minute they are born. No matter how you can see how it might go, both girls need an equal chance to audition and be supported no matter what the outcome is. Good luck to both girls.

pigletmania · 08/01/2013 07:31

Yabu you can't do that I'm afraid

RedHelenB · 08/01/2013 07:36

I would make dd2 aware that if she does it then dd1 may not be there with her - she needs to learn to do things without relying on big sister's support.

AThingInYourLife · 08/01/2013 07:41

Get them to audition together dressed as a pantomime horse.

That will get your message across in a clear, non-combative way.

SantasENormaSnob · 08/01/2013 08:02

Totally unreasonable.

Fakebook · 08/01/2013 08:09

YABU. Really really very U.

fancyabakeoff · 08/01/2013 08:15

'petite and dainty' What's that got to do with it?

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