to consider saying that dd2 can only be in play if dd1 is?

[3birthdaybunnies]

I know that I am being a bit U but both girls want to audition for the school play (they are yr3 and yr1). Dd1 auditioned last time when she was in yr1, and didn't get a part, she was a bit upset, but got over it. Now this has come around again, dd1 is fairly philosophical, but would really like to do it. Dd2 wants to do it because dd1 is.

Dd1 has always enjoyed getting up in assemblies, she has a good singing voice and good sense of timing. Dd2 is more timid in assemblies, doesn't like the limelight much in big crowds, and although the play might be good for her confidence I would rather see her encouraged more too join in in assemblies than thrown in at deep end. She is however more petite and dainty than dd1. Both girls have wonderful qualities, but dd1 is more of a natural performer. They have had different teachers in the school, so whoever is running the auditions probably won't know both girls well.

I wouldn't mind if neither of them got a part (well I would a bit, but we'd get over it), or if both of them did, but I just feel that it would be a 5 month source of tension in the family if dd2 does it and not dd1.

[Mumsyblouse]

If you have two same sex children, close in age, there will always be this competition. Are you going to ask the school teachers if they can grade the children at Key Stage 1 the same, or both take part in the inter-school swimming competition? No, so leave well alone with the school play and whoever gets chosen gets chosen.

It doesn't sound like a very nice school though if lots of children are left out. In our school plays, anyone who wants to be in it is in it, but the main parts are auditioned for, so there's a place for everyone and few people have great parts anyway, most are in the chorus or backing singers or extras.

I really think you have to let go of trying to control the world to suit the emotional dynamic of your daughters. There will be so much more of this to come and I think keeping a hands-off approach and encouraging them to support one another (as you do if one gets a party invite and the other not) is the way to go, don't interfere.

[atthewelles]

Life isn't always fair and your dds are going to have to learn this at some point. I agree it would be very very annoying if the more talented child lost out simply because she doesn't have the right 'look' but denying your other child an opportunity to participate is not going to change that, it just means neither child will get the chance to be in the play. Also, if your younger daughter is very timid it might be good for her to get an opportunity to shine.