To be a little bit sad...

[ShiftyFades]

Yet also happy:
Today a friend has told me she's pregnant (planned and hoped for). She's got 2 DC and is a lovely mum.

I have 1 DS and have been TTC for 12 months now and nothing has happened.
A few weeks ago I turned 40 and decided that was the cut off for trying. I had PND with DS and have always been fearful of getting it with a second baby.
Maybe I didn't try hard enough, maybe it's fate saying "yep, you'd have got it again so I'm not letting you conceive".

I'm grateful for DS and over the moon for friend but deep down I am desperately angry that I won't have another baby.

I'm a dick aren't I, I should get a grip and just thank my lucky stars that I have a beautiful, healthy son?

Nothing wrong with being sad occasionally that you wanted 2 children & it didn't happen. Just try not to let it overshadow everything else. And being sad & jealous of other pregnant women is normal too.

I think YABU (on yourself). You are not a dick. You have a wonderful DS, but that doesn't mean you don't yearn for a second child to add to your family. Pregnancy announcements are bloody hard when you wish you were the one making them. These moments have a tendency to bring TTC-related emotions to the surface. It is wonderful that you can feel happy for your friend, but you are allowed to feel sad, please allow yourself time and be kind to yourself.

I'm trying to keep my feelings under wraps but have noticed I've been quite short tempered for the last 2/3 weeks.
I wonder if my emotions are coming out in strange ways and making me angry? Not sure who I'm "blaming" but I had a huge row with DH over the emptying of the bin, last night

So why the cut-off at 40? Do you really need to give up hope just yet?

Does your DH know about the announcement and how you are feeling in general about no longer trying? A few weeks isn't that long, it sounds like it's still a bit raw for you.

I wonder if this cut off point centring on a landmark birthday was a good idea. It doesn't sound like you are quite ready to call it a day ttc. Please talk it over with your DH.

Yanbu to feel sad if your dream of giving your son a sibling is over.

But she is not having your baby. Her pregnancy isn't the reason you aren't pregnant.

un-MN hugs.

Not sure why I chose 40. I wanted to have an "end of pressure" date and also don't want to be too old. A GP even told me I was too old to be trying about 6 months ago (tosser!)

I have told DH about friend and he was shocked.
He's not a sensitive man and won't think that I'll be upset.

Maybe I should tell him that I think the whole thing must be messing my head up.

Worst part is, I felt ovulating pain earlier this week and that REALLY pissed me off

I shouldn't mix the two and, when she told me, I felt nothing but happiness and excitement for her.
I think the confusion has come a few hours later when it brings it home that I won't be the one showing a scan picture.

Perhaps I should talk to DH about trying for a bit longer, I don't even know how he feels

lots of women successfully have a baby in their early 40's. And quite a lot seem to find that when the pressure of TTC is off, they do get pregnant too, so dont write yourself off yet!!

The problem is that I have endometriosis and was told it was unlikely I'd ever have a child, so I'm super lucky to have DS. However, my symptoms have been getting progressively bad this year and I think it will soon be time for a 3rd set of surgery. Not that that stops me TTC.
I had hoped to see GP about a coil to try and stop AF and have some relief, but if I do that I can't TTC.
I do feel that the condition is pressurising some form of action as I can't handle too many more months of agony.
Bloody body

Perhaps I should see one of the nice GPs and talk through my options.

Just want to say I'll hold you hand if you like

YAnBU about the feelings of loss of hope and possibility

I'm sorry to hear that, Shifty, I'd suggest talking to DH and letting him know how you feel. Then tomorrow book an appointment with a GP you have a good rapport with and can discuss the best course of action.

Posted too soon.
It's not game over yet though! See you GP as a starting point.

YANBU to be upset, and you are not a dick.

Thank you.
It strange to feel like this, almost like grief for something that won't happen.

I will talk to DH tomorrow about my feelings and get to the GP soon, if only to start the referral process to see gynae.

Maybe we should really go for it for another month or two but I'm not sure I can handle the arrival of AF each month.

Grief surrounding infertility is very common. It's a form of loss.

you're going to have to grieve. i have one child. i love her, she's amazing. but by the time she was ten it was clear there wouldn't be another. i spent some years grieving for the children i wouldn't have.

and i'd better say, 20 years later, it's ok. i don't grieve now. i feel a slight sense of regret, no more than that.

I missed how old your DS is, sorry, but has he started pre-school yet, that is often a time when mums often start thinking about having another little one. It must be very frustrating but I wonder if your health problem is ultimately going to decide this for you. Super lucky to have your son, indeed (holds hand, un-MNetty as it is).

sameoldlovebunny it's reassuring to know that you can get past this sort of grief. Thank you. I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to move on. Then again, my DD was a miracle in so many ways (advised to have a termination at 32 weeks, amongst other things) so I do hold onto the hope and joy that she's brought to our lives. Sometimes you have to enjoy what you have and try not to dwell on what you don't have, I think.

I had a cut off on my 40th. In my case to stop trying to convince DH who only wants one. I've recommitted to being the best for my DD and am leaving work this week to be a SAHM to her. I do feel sad as well. Shifty.

DS is 4 and is amazing. I've always know it would be unlikely he'd have a sibling so I've made sure I've cherished each moment with him and never take him for granted.

Told DH that I've realised why I've been the bitch from hell a bit moody.
Bizarrely he thinks its his decision because DS would be 5 if we conceived now and "we agreed" that it was to big an age gap.
I do recall the conversation but it was in addition to the "40" thing.

I know what he means, DS is great because we are friends who can talk and understand each other but.... It only took 3 years or so to get to that good age....

Will discuss again when I can be rational

MrsTP, I think my DH is in the same camp as your DH. He's also frightened of my PND (it was severe) returning.

Feeling better now, well, less upset anyway

Shifty maybe our DHs should Dadsnet together They sound similar. Every time I say to people that the first year was hard even though I didn't have any PND symptoms, DH coughs and rolls his eyes. He is convinced I was ill and should have seen someone. I certainly wasn't entirely 'myself'. That's the other thing I think he is worried about.

Onwards and upwards. Let's see how badly we can spoil our onlies.