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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad with ils and with dp for not being mad?

29 replies

familyfun · 07/01/2013 14:33

I am mad at ils but i am more mad with dp not being mad, or pretending not to be mad cos its his parents.

dp has taken a day off work to prepare for an interview. i took dd1 to school and then took dd2 to playgroup all morn to give him space. I came back and did us all lunch and then piled everything on sofas to run the hoover through quickly before dd2s nap, 1-3, has to be quite scheduled as i pick dd2 up from school at 3.15 so if dd2 is late for nap i have to cut it short and she wont then sleep in pushchair. so dp would then have peace all afternoon too.

except door knocked at 12.45, ils in porch with shoes off, theyve come for a cup of tea and to bring us eggs. i let them in and apologise for no seating but im about to hoover.

they push stuff off sofa, sit down and say put the kettle on. they are surprised to see dp, obvoiusly expecting just me and dds. dd2 is yawning saying tired but mil keeps screeching and tickling her.

ils hand me the eggs, 3 creme eggs, 2 for girls and 1 for dp. thanks. so they came expecting just me but didnt bring me an egg. and i thought they meant chicken eggs tbh.

they left at 1.30 as dd2 was on floor trying to sleep, i then had to rush hoover round main bits and give up and put her to cot and move everything back down, instead of doing a proper job.

i know they didnt know i was about to hoover, and they dont know dd2 nap times, but if they phoned and said did i want a visit i would have said it wasnt a good time, and surely they could see it was inconvenient.

my mom would have run the hoover round or helped me put stuff away or put dd to cot while i tidied, they just sit there, aaagh.

dp says, it doesnt matter, they might think id like a visit. bigger aaaagh.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/01/2013 14:37

I think being mad with them is a bit OTT...if it wasn't convenient you should have said so! Are you sure you aren't mad because you didn't get a creme egg?? :)

I can think of better things to be made over TBH.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 07/01/2013 14:37

I can see it was a bit annoying but I wouldn't get worked up about it and I think expecting your dp to be mad purely because you are is OTT.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/01/2013 14:37

mad over!

Theicingontop · 07/01/2013 14:40

You pick stuff up when you hoover, you don't just go around stuff and hope that you don't suck up a megablok? ...is that how you're supposed to hoover? Blush

Yeah I'd be a bit annoyed too, but it's not a huge crime. The only thing you can do is let it go.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 07/01/2013 14:43

Oh. I came on here very prepared to back you up, having had the inlaws from hell and a fecking useless at defending me/us DP... but honestly, you need to stop at the shop and buy a grip. You could have said a number of things - but most obviously something along the lines of 'Sorry, you've caught us at a bit of a bad time, I'm just on my way up to put DD in her cot for a nap and DH is working. Why don't you pop the kettle on while I settle DD then we can have a quick cuppa before I hoover and DH gets on with some work'. No big deal surely?

Original poster
familyfun · 07/01/2013 14:43

i am ranting here so i dont say to dp, your parents are a pain in the arse Grin
yes i am mad about the creme egg, who brings 3 creme eggs to a house of 4 people and tells the person they hand them to that they dotn get one. cheers.
i took the xmas tree/decs down last night so it was mainly tinsel/glitter that needed hoovering.
i would have said its not convenient but they were in with shoes off and just walked in as i opened the door, cant believe they shoved toys etc off the sofa back onto the floor. id put all the bllody little chairs etc back in the dolls house and folded it up on the sofa ready.

OP posts:
Original poster
familyfun · 07/01/2013 14:45

i cant hoover when dd is asleep, i cant even flush the loo, she is a very lighht sleeper despite having a noisy sister, thats why i couldnt just put her to bed, i wanted to hoover first and couldnt exactly hoover around them.

OP posts:
Original poster
familyfun · 07/01/2013 14:46

i think the only way i will feel better is to eat dps egg, what do you think?

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 07/01/2013 14:51

If I were you I would eat all 3 eggs, all that sugar isn't good for children (thats what I've been telling my dc for years whist shamelessly stealing their chocolate)

HagofBeare · 07/01/2013 14:53

the only way i will feel better is to eat dps egg

You mean you haven't eaten it yet???

Original poster
familyfun · 07/01/2013 14:58

gulp, ate it in 1 Grin

OP posts:
BerthaTheBogCleaner · 07/01/2013 14:59

Get in the habit of locking your door from the inside.

Why couldn't you hoover round them? Actually, why couldn't you say "MIL, you get the tea made, FIL can you just run the hoover round the room, I'll put dd to bed and I expect we'll all be finished and ready to sit down and chat at the same time"? Lets face it, if they objected, you could say "well you've turned up without calling and walked in without being invited, what do you expect? I'm busy. Do you want to help or are you leaving? It won't take you a moment"

That's how it works if you turn up uninvited - you expect to muck in. If you want to be treated like a visitor you wait for an invitation!

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 07/01/2013 15:00

Grin Buy another egg, pop round to ILs at some inconvenient time for them, and say you've bought an egg for their next-door-neighbour and could they pass it on please?

Astelia · 07/01/2013 15:16

Easter Eggs on January 7th? Bizarre. They ABU for this if nothing else.

CailinDana · 07/01/2013 15:16

I think you need to be more assertive really. In your shoes I would have asked FIL to hoover, given DD to MIL to put to bed and then said to DP "your parents are here, I'm nipping out." DP would have learned pretty darn fast that people turning up on the doorstep is a bit annoying, and you would have had a nice walk around the shops.

Even if you are not as rude as I am didn't want to do that, you could easily have said "Will you stick the kettle on? I'm a bit busy here."

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/01/2013 15:23

Do you think this will happen weekly now until Easter? (Puts hands over ears to block familyfun's screams).

Next time ask them if they can either put the kettle on or drag the hoover round, ie help. Impromptu visits are fine if they're not expecting to be entertained or don't get in your way or as long as they bring you chocolate.

PS Hope DP gets the job.

BigPigLittlePig · 07/01/2013 15:24

It would wind me up tbh, sounds exactly the sort of thing my ILs do. Usually they turn up at mealtimes, when it's not convenient to cook extra for them, or when 6 week old dd is due a feed (and then they walk round patting her on the back and asking why shes crying).

Yes we should be more assertive. My excuse is sleep deprivation and can't handle the fall out as mil is quite passive aggressive

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 07/01/2013 15:30

I agree with Bertha.

exactly what she said.

don't hesitate, or you're setting a precedent for the future.

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 15:33

That is actually rude to only bring 3 eggs not 4 - I would be pissed off about that but none of the other stuff TBH (I am being serious)

We had a wedding gift list when I got married 1st time (I was 22 and we were setting up a new home). XMIL bought ONE of the pair of pillows on our gift list for her DS and a shaving mirror as a wedding gift! Do you think she may not have liked me????? I had great pleasure in telling her the shaving mirror was for me so I could see the back of my hair when straightening it! You should have seen her face Grin

SantasENormaSnob · 07/01/2013 16:06

I usually don't mind poppers in but your ils sound rude.

Yanbu

diddl · 07/01/2013 16:12

I assume he isn´t mad as it was no inconvenience to him.

Why didn´t he get off his arse & help you??

Thank god I always lived far enough away for people to have to phone first.

Crinkle77 · 07/01/2013 18:48

YABU. They popped in to say a quick hello and they only stayed 45 mins. They were probably embarrassed that they did not have enough chocolate eggs for everyone and maybe didn't know what to say. I don't think they could have won what ever they did. If they had started helping you would probably have accused them of interfering

SarahWarahWoo · 07/01/2013 18:55

The world wouldn't end if you had left hoovering unti tomorrow/ after school etc and you could have put your LO down for nap at normal time. YABU but eat DP's egg anyhow

KellyElly · 07/01/2013 19:01

You could have just left the hoovering surely?

PuppyMonkey · 07/01/2013 19:04

I approve of the spectacular use of the word Hoover on this thread. Grin DP always insists on vacuum.

I reckon there was an extra Creme Egg, but it got scoffed before they arrived.