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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should speak to a baby with the same respect as you would an adult?

85 replies

jungandeasilyfreudened · 06/01/2013 22:07

Went to visit delightful PILs this week. One of them said to our 3 month old 'look at your sticky out ears ha ha' and defended the comment as the baby 'couldn't understand' what was being said. Surely whether the baby understands or not isn't actually the point, is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
jungandeasilyfreudened · 06/01/2013 22:42

I think there is a huge difference between loving jokey names and poking fun. It's not what was actually said that bothers me but the way it was said and the fact poking fun at the baby was excused because he doesn't understand. I find that rather horrible. I don't make fun of my nan and say it's ok because she's deaf and can't hear me anyway! Unless its something you'd be happy to say when baby is of an age to understand I don't really see the need to say it.

OP posts:
mawbroon · 06/01/2013 22:47

apostropheuse we have "the lug" in our family too! But it's not just restricted to the males.

zippey · 06/01/2013 22:49

You are being unreasonable. Th PIL's sound fine, they were just commenting on how cute the baby is when you got off on your high horse.

3monkeys3 · 06/01/2013 22:53

I think in this context YABU - they obviously think it's cute!

Sirzy · 06/01/2013 22:54

Massive over reaction!

I had sticky out ears (until I had them pinned back at 10) and it was a family joke, actually even the surgeon who pinned them back made a joke about it!

Loquace · 06/01/2013 22:55

Love, your baby won't mind. Where he should be showing some respect is for your feelings. This is your gergous baby, and he is poking fun at him/her and being mean. It's natural you are going to find it hurtful and offensive if it is said in a not nice way.

Geeklover · 06/01/2013 22:56

This thread reminded me of ex fil.
Dd was a few weeks early and was like a skinned rabbit at birth. Ex fil lived few hours away so never seen her for weeks at a time. When dd was a few months old she piled on the weight and really filled out. On his next visit he walked in looked at dd and exclaimed "fuck me she's going to have a firm grip on Scotland when she's on her feet" now ex fil is actually a horrible man but I did laugh at that. He was being affectionate really.
We also called ds2 chubster for a while because he is indeed even at 2 still fairly chubby. When he started pulling himself up his feet didn't touch because his thighs were so chubby. He is growing into his girth a bit now but is built like his slim but manly built father.

apostropheuse · 06/01/2013 22:57

mawbroon we're maybe connected! Grin

Doilooklikeatourist · 06/01/2013 22:58

An older man looked at DD in her pram , and said
Look at her , she's as fat as butter
I thought it was sweet
And dressed her in a yellow dress for the next walk
I think you're over reacting

vigglewiggle · 06/01/2013 22:58

I think the point is - it upset you. Your baby couldn't care less!

Doilooklikeatourist · 06/01/2013 23:00

Just remembered...
Much missed Mum said when she saw DD ( age about 4 months ) in a navy floral dress and navy tights
Ooooh , your babies got legs like a spider !

squoosh · 06/01/2013 23:01

YABVU

Honestly and truly. Unclench.

seeker · 06/01/2013 23:03

We all used to call my dd the talking cottage loaf. Because she was hugely fat, but very articulate. I wouldn't call Jo Brand or Eric Pickles a talking cottage loaf...............

Original poster
jungandeasilyfreudened · 06/01/2013 23:03

3monkeys why is it obvious they find it cute from what I said happened? Maybe they do but that certainly is not how it came across to me, my husband or his brother. They have made other comments about his appearance before but it was more the explanation of it being fine to say whatever you like to a baby because they don't understand. I was really interested in views on that but I worded my post arse upwards!

OP posts:
yousankmybattleship · 06/01/2013 23:06

You need to chill out. Sorry. Of course you can say what you like to a baby. They have no idea. Your in-laws should have more repsect for your feelings though.

TheGreatGatsby · 06/01/2013 23:07

Utterly unreasonable. I tell my baby all sorts of things, that he is the prince of Hertfordshire, that his legs are the cutest thing known to man and I want to eat them with ketchup on, that he has a silly mullet and he'd better watch it or I'll get a monkey to bite it off, etc etc etc endlessly. He's a baby!!

Lifeissweet · 06/01/2013 23:11

My DD was a bit yellowy, had a squashed nose and was extremely cross eyed for a couple of months. My Mum took some photos at a family gathering and sent them to me with a message about how hilariously ugly she was. I didn't mind. She was rather unfortunate looking at that point! She is now utterly beautiful (a year old in a fortnight), but those pictures are still hilarious. Poor wee ugly thing!

ledkr · 06/01/2013 23:14

Over exaggerated interaction with babies is actually important for brain development. It's called mirroring. They smile a bit we smile back a lot they cry and we pull a sad face but over do it. They learn how to read facial expressions this way. So you can't just chat about the state of the economy with them.

Original poster
jungandeasilyfreudened · 06/01/2013 23:18

Greatgatsby those are fun things to say that your baby would surely enjoy whether they understood or not. I think it's odd to say mean things to a baby but excusing it because the baby doesn't understand. I wouldn't change the words to 'row your boat' to a string of insults and say it's ok because he likes the tune and doesn't understand the words! Am I really alone in that?! Must be more nuts than I realised [shocked face, smiley won't work]

OP posts:
tethersend · 06/01/2013 23:20

If an adult treated me the way my baby does, I'd punch them in the face. Repeatedly.

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2013 23:23

Look

If you were asking AIBU to be upset that they keep poking fun about my baby's appearance, I'm sure a lot of people would say YANBU...because it's upsetting you.

But to use the angle you're using - 'Just because the baby's too young to understand, doesn't mean they're not disrespecting him'....

Well imo you're being plain silly.

He's not an adult - he's a 3 month old baby.

If the remarks about his ears are upsetting for you to hear (and I suspect that's what's really behind all this) then ask them to desist because you don't find it funny.

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2013 23:24

And there it is

What tethers said in a nutshell! Grin Grin

Kleptronic · 06/01/2013 23:27

tethersend Grin

magoosmom · 06/01/2013 23:30

OP YANBU

Jux · 06/01/2013 23:32

I quite agree. We did. Nor did we limit our conversations with dd to baby topics.

At the age of 10 she was very advanced. So advanced that h grasp of the sciences, technology and engineering were so far ahead that her school were recommending that she try for Oxbridge. We had been discussing this with her for some months, when she wasn't busy with projects down in our basement, which we had had kitted out as a multi-purpose workshop for her some years before.

She built a time machine and we haven't actually seen her since......

Be careful what you wish for. You might find that your daughter is also your grandmother (and then you'd have to shoot them both).