To still be furious and disgusted with my MiL?

[debka]

We were on a (thankfully rare) visit to PiLs this week, when the news that Jim Davidson had been arrested came on the TV.

MiL declared that it was disgusting that people are being 'judged by todays standards' for things that happened 40 years ago, and that 'things were different then'. I asked if rape was ok 40 years ago as well- apparently no, that's different, but everyone expected to be groped back then, you just gave the groper an elbow in the ribs and told him to push off. (good for her that she felt able to do that!)

She then went on to say that all the victims are just nasty- holding a grudge for 40 years and only just talking about it now. I tried to defend them but just got shouted down by her and FiL, and, scarily, DH. I went to bed shortly afterwards, still pretty shocked.

The next day I couldn't look her in the eye, and 4 days later, I'm still angry and shocked at this. But she's my MiL, we ought to have some kind of relationship, what can I do??

I had a friend lamenting on why have the JS victims come forward now he is dead, why ? What are they after?
This friend had been raped...as a minor ,was shocked that there was contempt for the victims TBH

thegreylady

I am not arguing that it was but the atitudes of the time where different and people from that era (and some from this era) still blame the victims.

Remember Mandy Smith?

Remember Emma Ridley, Amanda de Cadenet and the whole "wild child" thing?

Most Page 3 girls were under 18, barely 16.

The 80s were horrible, really horrible and things that were acceptable then, are, thankfully, not acceptable now.

I am talking about the 50s and I am not disagreeing with anyone at all.
Abuse was shameful then and is shameful now-there will always be bigoted,headblind individuals in every generation.We dont have to excuse them.
Times have changed and what was thought to be ok then is known not to be ok now.Op's inlaws are simply wrong.

Gay40 has it I think- how can I leave my children with them, knowing that they don't take this sort of thing seriously? I can't trust them to protect them.

Thanks again for all your thoughts :)

But your husband thinks like that too...........

I would just as - if not more - annoyed at your husband.

Absolutely. He's the one you chose to spend your life with, after all- Pils are just collateral damage.