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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my daughter wearing heels.

48 replies

tigerfrog · 06/01/2013 12:12

I have a DD who loves dressing up. She has lots of lovely dresses and sparkly shoes and enjoys nothing better than dancing around the house in them. I have never discouraged this although admittedly I am not particularly girly myself. My only rule has been she is not allowed shoes with heels, they can have as much glitter and glitz as she wants but no heels. She is only 7 and I do not want to damage her feet at such a young age.
Last week, she went out shopping with her dad who is terrible at spoiling her. They came back with a pair of silver peep toe shoes with heels, not high but still heels! She is over the moon with them! He has spent the weel telling her how grown up she looks and how amazing they are! I am silently fuming! What do I do? Let her wear them, hide them, bash my husband over the head with them? Should little girls be wearing heels or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
MiniEggsinJanuary · 06/01/2013 12:14

Definitely not overreacting. There are a multitude of reasons why little girls shouldn't be wearing high heels IMO.

MagicHouse · 06/01/2013 12:15

YANBU! Heels on a little girl are silly and damaging. But maybe she can wear them round the house sometimes as dressing up shoes?

MrsBW · 06/01/2013 12:16

I don't have kids, but I wouldn't let my DD (if I had one) wear them outside of the house.

Heels are there to adjust a woman's posture to shift their centre of gravity forward, pushing the chest out. They are, IMO, items that sexualise... And therefore not suitable for children.

Perhaps explaining to your husband in terms like those will make him see sense? Even if not, I'd stand my ground and ban her from wearing them out.

ILikeWhisperingToo · 06/01/2013 12:18

As part of "dress ups" I think they could be fine; better than making an issue out of banning them altogether and therefore, possibly, making them more alluring/appealing to her? I'd be more concerned at her dad's attitude - is he your partner also? (sorry wasn't clear from OP)

ILikeWhisperingToo · 06/01/2013 12:18

dumb ass Blush you did say "husband"!

DieWilde13 · 06/01/2013 12:19

After you have clobbered your dh around the head with them and told him how inappropriate heels for little girls are, could you compromise and tell your dd that they are strictly dressing up / play shoes? Tell her that she is a child and high heels are not for children, and also point out how damaging high heels are for your feet?

Bluestocking · 06/01/2013 12:19

I don't think little girls should be wearing heels, partly because of the risk to growing feet, but more because little girls are children and shouldn't be impeded from doing what children should be doing by wearing inappropriate shoes.
I'd be a bit concerned about your husband's ideas about what girls should be wearing/doing - if your daughter realises she will get brownie points from her dad by aping (a caricature of) adult female behaviour, that might lead to conflicts between you, him and her in the future.
Re this particular pair of shoes, how often is she going to be wearing them? Just for parties and special occasions?

simplesusan · 06/01/2013 12:21

I think you should speak to you dh and express your concern.
Perhaps because your dh has never had to wear heels he doesn't fully understand the concept of wearing them?
I would be the same as you. A young child should not be wearing heels.
My dh, never one for being able to resist the pestering power of our dds, bought our dd high heeled wedges for a trip abroard. After reasoning with her, I took them back and exchanged them for more sensible sandals.

ILikeWhisperingToo · 06/01/2013 12:21

I think your differing opinions on this matter, and the fact you are not openly fuming are the more pressing issues.

StuntGirl · 06/01/2013 12:21

I would be bothered about your husband equating "grown up" and "lovely" for your daughter with dressing up and wearing heels. But I'n aware many people would think I'm a joyless harpy for being bothered over something like that.

Was the not wearing heels thing something you'd discussed together? If not he can't be blamed for not reading your mind. I would in this scenario talk to your husband about your concerns, and see if you can come to an agreement on what you both consider appropriate for play, what's totally out, and what you can compromise on. Heels, even small ones, would be a no-no for me due to the reasons you've mentioned.

TheFantasticFixit · 06/01/2013 12:22

Are they intended for dress up play or to be worn outside of the house as well? Dress up - fine, pottering around playing in them won't do much damage I wouldn't have thought bit am totally with you OP if they were bought by DH for outside of the home - wtf was he thinking if that's the intention?

thebody · 06/01/2013 12:22

The heels are irrelevant it's your Dhs attitude to her looking so 'grown up' that sounds a tad yeuk here..

squeakytoy · 06/01/2013 12:23

I think it depends on how high this heel actually is. A small heel worn occasionally is not going to do her any harm if it is just for parties etc. As the daughter of dance teacher parents I was learning ballroom and latin dancing at that age and wore dance shoes which have to have a small heel.

NorbertDentressangle · 06/01/2013 12:25

I don't think little girls should wear heels other than maybe a (obvious) dress-up pair that are not too high .

I saw a girl the other day -she must have been about 9/10 and was with her family out and about. She had wedge heels on and her ankles were wobbling with every step. Must be so bad for their feet, ankles, knees, hips, back etc.

(and then of course there's the sexualisation argument.....)

Startail · 06/01/2013 12:26

Relax, let her wear them at home and perhaps to a party.
The more you moan the more she'll want them. The more you chill the sooner they will be forgotten as jolly uncomfortable.

hellymelly · 06/01/2013 12:28

my dds have dress up silly shoes with fluff and heels that they teeter about in like Barbara Winsor in Carry on Doctor, but ONLY inside the house as part of dress up play. No heels for parties or anything else. Partly because of the sexual angle, partly because of their feet. However I do remember the thrill, at 12, of my older cousin giving me her old platform shoes (it was 1976) and tonging my hair into flicks. My mother sent me off for a weekend looking like a little girl and I returned in hot pants, platforms, blue eyeshadow and mascara like one of Pan's People. My mother's face was a picture of horrified disapproval. 12 is nearly a teen though, so more understandable, even so Mum banned them unless I wore them at home!

PavlovtheCat · 06/01/2013 12:28

YANBU. For all the reasons posted already.

Patchouli · 06/01/2013 12:33

If they're her size, it'll be better for her feet/muscles than the toe scrunching we used to do when clomping about in adult heels when dressing up - and i'm okay.

HollyBerryBush · 06/01/2013 12:38

She isn't going to be wearing them everyday; she's hardly likely to go to school in a pair of peep-toe silver shoes.

Make something 'forbidden fruit' and it will become attractive and desirable.
There is nothing wrong with a nice pair of party shoes - because thats all they will be - and the way childrens feet grow, they'll be in the recycling bag within 6 months.

WilsonFrickett · 06/01/2013 12:40

When you say it's a 'rule' do you mean it's a secret rule that you've never discussed with your DP? In which case, let her have the shoes for dress up and sit down and talk to him about it, properly.

If he knows you're views and has done it to annoy you, then it's not the shoes that are your problem...

Original poster
tigerfrog · 06/01/2013 12:48

We have previously discussed the issue before as if she had her way she would have more. I have Explained why I don't want her to have them but he is blatantly ignoring me. As both his sisters and his mum have had to have operations to remove bunions due to I'll fitting shoes I would have thought he would realise. I know one of his issues is he doesn't want her to grow up like me!! I wear sensible shoes and rarely heels due to finding them uncomfortable.
He is encouraging her to wear them out and not just as dress up. W went out last night with them on and she had to hang onto my arm the whole time and now has a blister on her heel. I don't want to make it to much of an issue as I feel he is putting her in the middle and she will feel bad as the argument will be about he. My husband and I have what I would describe as a delicate relationship!

OP posts:
Chopstheduck · 06/01/2013 12:55

I do think if you ban them altogether they are just going to be forbidden fruit. Though 7 is a bit young. dd got her first pair of proper heels at 10. Thing is though, they don't really get that much chance to wear them - the occasional party, the odd nice meal out, so it's not really going to do any harm at all. DD is 12.5 now, has three pairs, and wears them probably less than once a month!

TravelinColour · 06/01/2013 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzpig · 06/01/2013 13:00

YANBU. DD has some of those plasticky dress up shoes but they are for at home only. She is 5 but there is no way I would allow her actual heeled shoes in a couple of years. They are unnecessary. Unless she was doing proper dance lessons or something as I think tap/ballroom shoes have heels. But for general wear, no.

But then I don't wear heels anyway so she hasn't asked for them.

fuzzpig · 06/01/2013 13:03

I know one of his issues is he doesn't want her to grow up like me

Do you mean he thinks you don't dress nicely enough?

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