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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my daughter wearing heels.

48 replies

tigerfrog · 06/01/2013 12:12

I have a DD who loves dressing up. She has lots of lovely dresses and sparkly shoes and enjoys nothing better than dancing around the house in them. I have never discouraged this although admittedly I am not particularly girly myself. My only rule has been she is not allowed shoes with heels, they can have as much glitter and glitz as she wants but no heels. She is only 7 and I do not want to damage her feet at such a young age.
Last week, she went out shopping with her dad who is terrible at spoiling her. They came back with a pair of silver peep toe shoes with heels, not high but still heels! She is over the moon with them! He has spent the weel telling her how grown up she looks and how amazing they are! I am silently fuming! What do I do? Let her wear them, hide them, bash my husband over the head with them? Should little girls be wearing heels or am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Mia4 · 06/01/2013 13:06

YANBU to be annoyed, if both you and he had agreed on that and he goes and does that then it's a bit undermining. For myself i think heels are fine for dress up, but not for regular use. Just be aware that banning them altogether could have an opposite effect with her wearing the highest heels possible when a bit older (though most teens do that anyway lol).

Although it's not possibly great for feet, I remember my yoga teacher telling me that it's good to wear heels occasionally regardless of age or gender (if you don't stretch your calfs much) because wearing flats all the time combined with not stretching leads to tighter calves. Wearing heels and mixing it up does a bit of stretching at least. Personally i prefer flats and yoga, but hey.

mrsjay · 06/01/2013 13:08

YANBU! Heels on a little girl are silly and damaging. But maybe she can wear them round the house sometimes as dressing up shoes?

this let her wear them for dressing up and perhaps maybe to parties but not every day

sameoldlovebunny · 06/01/2013 13:08

you are right.
why does her dad want her to look grown up?
why aren't you and he singing from the same hymnsheet?
have you explained it to him?

Selks · 06/01/2013 13:08

Wow I am truly horrified at your husband's attitude - that he bought your DD heels despite knowing your feelings on this, that he is encouraging her to wear them at such a young age and that he does not want her to grow up like you!!

Simply staggering - and what a massive slap in the face to you. I'd be beyond fuming.

Not only all that, he is totally undermining your parenting in general. Ghastly.

MoaneyMcmoanmoan · 06/01/2013 13:09

Yabu. They are shoes.

If you make a big deal of this, it will become a big deal.
Let her find out for herself just how uncomfortable they are.

lauriedriver · 06/01/2013 13:12

Not only are they not good for growing feet they don't half look tacky

strumpetpumpkin · 06/01/2013 13:24

why doesnt he want her to grow up like you???? what an awful thing to think and even worse to say. I hope hes not projecting that onto your dd, or onto your self confidence. bastard.

Heels on children is a pet hate of mine.
I wouldnt care for around the house as a dressing up thing, but never out of the house. Tacky, bad for the feet and the back and just eugh

Original poster

tigerfrog · 06/01/2013 13:34

Thank you for all the responses. My husband makes me feel as if I am the only one to have these concerns. He seems to want them to grow up so quickly, I have another DD who is only 4, I want them to be the little girls they are. He thinks I am too naive and will make the girls grow up too innocent and not ready for the real world!

OP posts:

VisualiseAHorse · 06/01/2013 13:44

Make them for dress-up and special occassions only.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me too much, but then I love wearing heels, and loved wearing those plasticky ones when I was really little.

StuntGirl · 06/01/2013 19:53

It sounds like you have bigger issues than heels, and I'm not sure how helpful any responses will be against that backdrop :(

For me, heels would be absolutely non-negotiable. I may be more willing to compromise on other issues but not this one. I would just remove them full stop, but I can see how that might be difficult for you to do. In your situation I would perhaps instigate an 'only for play' rule, and use the fact she couldn't walk in them and got blisters as reason why.

boomting · 06/01/2013 20:50

If they're totally banned, then they become very, very attractive. I remember something similar with my parents and mascara when I was 11/12. As soon as I was allowed out shopping with friends and no parents (12/13), I bought the stuff and have been wearing it on a daily basis ever since.

Restrict the use of them to dress up and children's parties where they aren't expected to be running around a soft play area (or whatever it is that 7yos do for birthday parties nowadays), and tell your DH not to buy any more. If they're a low heel, then they're unlikely to actually do any damage anyway.

Picturesinthefirelight · 06/01/2013 20:57

Not so long ago I would have agreed with you and I still hate to see little girls tottering around in high heels they can't walk in.

However 11 year old dd with a high instep ( she also dances a lot do needs supportive shoes) actually suits a small heel. Her school shoes have a concealed wedge heel as they are more supportive for her feet than totally flat shoes. The ballerina style are the worst offenders.

When she goes to high school next year I am ready to do battle armed with info from a dance physio as apparently they can only wear very flat shoes.

MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill · 06/01/2013 23:27

Your husband thinks they are going to grow up too innocent? WTAF? They are four and seven, they are meant to be innocent, not being put in training for the patriarchal cat walk they will hit as soon they hit adolescence.
His attitude stinks!

gimmecakeandcandy · 06/01/2013 23:34

Your husbands attitude is very odd... And creepy if I'm honest...

Musomathsci · 06/01/2013 23:39

Perhaps she will be less keen to wear them out again after the hobbling about and blister. Suggest you say no more about it and wait for them to quietly drop out of circulation. The temptation to scream "I told you so" must be overwhelming....

Ummofumbridge · 06/01/2013 23:42

YABU about the heels. My dd aged 9 has one pair of sandals with a small heel that she's worn about 3 times in a year for parties. They make her feel good because her friends wear them (at parties) and these things really matter to my dd2. The rest of the time she wears trainers or school shoes so she's not likely to damage her feet!

The issue is clearly your DH's attitude. I'd be furious and rather confused by it.
You need to talk!

IkissedSanta · 07/01/2013 00:04

i dont like little girls in heals either was utterly dismayed to see little one's of about 6 tottering around when we were on holiday.

i was in monsoon today and couldnt believe they have heals in there in an infant 7 my dd id nearly 4 and wears and 8 so we are talking 3/4 year old's who in their right mind would buy a child that age heals.

on the other hand when i was a child i lived in my mum's heals playing dress up so if they were limited to home i could understand your dd having some (as you have none she could borrow.

agree your husbands attitude may need adjusting. but as you said his family all wore heals and this is what he saw growing up, he maybe thinking they are the norm and it you who is not fitting in (not my opinion just a hypothesis).

Happymum22 · 07/01/2013 00:29

YABU, IF you HADN'T previously made it clear, I wouldve said its just a man being male and not thinking or realising that its a bit young.. especially if she was begging him. Its not going to do any damage, after your trip out I doubt she'll want to wear them again with all the walking issues! DC used to have wedges and lace up school shoes with an inch or so heel, it was the norm 10 years ago because small heels are supportive of the foot, better than ballet pumps or uggs anyway. I agree through, sloppy, strappy heels which give blisters and rub aren't so good.

I'm a bit relaxed about dads spoiling kids or being thoughtful but hopeless, because both my own dad and exH left and never showed much interest in the children or had a good relationship with their DC.

I think the issue here is not the shoes, I am really concerned what you say about thinking he doesn't want DC to be like you. He is your DH and should love you just how you are. You seriously need to talk this through with him and let him know this is how he makes you feel.
His attitudes on young girls are quite worrying, most fathers want their DDs to be kept young and are over protective especially about clothes being too revealing, sexualising or grown up.

auntpetunia · 07/01/2013 07:17

I think words with DH are strongly needed as for DD I reckon the blister will put her off and you can relegate them to dressing up only and hope her feet grow soon!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 07/01/2013 07:22

YANBU my dd is nearly 10.

She loves heels but i refuse to buy them for her, which is difficult as lots of her friends have them.

Last week we went to see her best friend and when we got home she pulled a pair of black sparkly heeled shoes out of her bag that she had been given.

She has not taken them of all weekend, even when wearing her onesie!

She will not be wearing them out of the house though.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 07/01/2013 07:35

YANBU. Someone gave my DD(3) some dress up heels for christmas as part of a set. DH got there first and whipped them out the way, we later put them in the bin and DD was none the wiser.

I agree with all those who've said your DH's attitude is worrying.

Fakebook · 07/01/2013 08:04

Your DH is an idiot. I say this because my DH is a bit fanatical about shoes. It's a joke in our family. He always buys shoes for dd and every single time they've been flat boots, sneakers, or converse type shoes. He would never dream of buying dd heels. Telling a young girl she looks grown up in a pair of heels is a really stupid thing to say. I'd keep them for dress up in the house.

wewereherefirst · 07/01/2013 08:13

Is your husband usually so demeaning about you?

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